Diamondsandrubys Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 I was in a relationship with a professional actor for four years. We lived together in my city but he spent most of his time travelling around the Country or based on London. I felt very lonely in my relationship, but thrived on the excitement of performance, watching him on TV etc. We broke up about a year ago because it got to the point where our dreams just did not match up, and a few weeks ago I matched online with a guy who was on tour in a musical in my city. It felt familiar and what I recognised. He’s in exactly the same field as my ex - high profile shows in London or touring companies. We chatted, then he left the city, but we kept chatting. On the weekend he came back to visit me while his tour had a break. We had an amazing time. We went for dinner, had sex, and just throroughly enjoyed eachother’s company. We discussed how it couldn’t really go anywhere becuase I’ve been in this situation before and it didn’t work for me (he wanted something to continue and see where it went). He then left to rejoin the tour. My problem is, I seem to keep falling for these men who are performers. It’s constantly exciting, but it’s all based in London and my life isn’t there. Performers work evenings and weekends, and the job o went to university to do does not function other than 9-5. Deep down I want to be close to my family and friends, but I keep falling for the same type of guys who don’t want the same thing as me, and then no one else can live up to the excitement I’m used to in a relationship. How do I deal with this and find myself attached to men in my city?
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 No, you don't keep on falling for the wrong guy, when you came across this guy online you should have told him 'no thank you' and move on to someone else instead of flirting, meeting, having sex. You did not flirt, met and had sex by accident, YOU made it happen. YOU are responsible for what you bring into your life. When I divorced my military husband I didn't want to meet another military man, so I moved 4 hours away from the base and said 'no thanks' to any military man approaching me. I didn't think 'what if' and then flirt and meet, nope! The only person that makes you meet actors is ...you. 1
smackie9 Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 I agree with Gaeta. It's about self control. Another solution is having "gentleman friends" who are in this field you go out with and have fun, but that's it. Do casual dating while keeping your options open for someone to come along that doesn't go out of town for his job.
stillafool Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 I agree with others. When a guy tells you he is an Entertainer just politely back away. Don't even entertain them for a minute.
Lisa_Lisa Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 You recognize that you're repeating the same mistake, but it's up to you to stop. You know you have nothing to gain by being with these men and you won't give up your stable life in exchange for their instabililty. You need to look inward and change your thinking and then change your actions. It starts and ends with you.
lovelymay Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 I was in a relationship with a professional actor for four years. We lived together in my city but he spent most of his time travelling around the Country or based on London. I felt very lonely in my relationship, but thrived on the excitement of performance, watching him on TV etc. We broke up about a year ago because it got to the point where our dreams just did not match up, and a few weeks ago I matched online with a guy who was on tour in a musical in my city. It felt familiar and what I recognised. He’s in exactly the same field as my ex - high profile shows in London or touring companies. We chatted, then he left the city, but we kept chatting. On the weekend he came back to visit me while his tour had a break. We had an amazing time. We went for dinner, had sex, and just throroughly enjoyed eachother’s company. We discussed how it couldn’t really go anywhere becuase I’ve been in this situation before and it didn’t work for me (he wanted something to continue and see where it went). He then left to rejoin the tour. My problem is, I seem to keep falling for these men who are performers. It’s constantly exciting, but it’s all based in London and my life isn’t there. Performers work evenings and weekends, and the job o went to university to do does not function other than 9-5. Deep down I want to be close to my family and friends, but I keep falling for the same type of guys who don’t want the same thing as me, and then no one else can live up to the excitement I’m used to in a relationship. How do I deal with this and find myself attached to men in my city? I think the most important question is: what do you want? Maybe you want excitement and you're not ready to commit to anyone, could that be a reason why you keep looking for these men?
kendahke Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 The first thing I'd do is to stop looking for or going on any future dates once I see what they did for a living. I wouldn't go out on dates with actors or do anything that would lead them into thinking that I'd be game for a relationship on their terms when I knew that my lifestyle and theirs was not going to work out for me. You make it sound like you can't help yourself when you can--you just choose not to. Big difference.
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 Try dating salesmen or trial lawyers. They possess some of the same skill sets as actors.
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