Arty Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 Ok I have just found heaps of info on narcissism and it fits my ex exactly. My God what do I do now, I am very affraid of him and feel like a sitting duck ready for more abuse. He is capable of doing anything, I always knew he was a bit odd but now it all makes sense. Does anyone else have this problem or has dealt successfully with a narcissist? How do I get rid of him? I am stressing out big time here. I have broken off with him but I know he doesn't take no for an answer (past evidence proves that). There will be retaliation I know it, but what do I do? I keep trying to break this cycle but I am not very successful at it right now.
Kitteney Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I did not know a narsacistic person could be dangerous. If you really feel that you could be harmed, perhaps you should consult with someone at a domestic abuse center. They can give you tips for getting away, protecting yourself and whether you should get a restraining order.
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Here's an ongoing thread about N's in the coping section. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68754/ Hope this helps.
Author Arty Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 Thanks so much for the info about the other thread on narcisim it was really informative and I got heaps out of it. It was incredible how much in common I have with these people going through the same thing. At least I am not alone and there are others dealing with this sort of stuff. Also I know what I am dealing with sort of, instead of going around and around the same stuff. I hope I can do it this time.
lindya Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I did not know a narsacistic person could be dangerous. If I think that narcissism involves a lack of empathy, but a narcissistic person can nonetheless have a conscience insofar as he or she is concerned with obtaining the outside world's approval. A narcissistic person without any sort of conscience would probably be a potentially dangerous brew. Although it's a bit dodgy to make unqualified diagnoses of other people, I think the general advice for dealing with narcissists might be quite useful for dealing with people who display other types of behavioural problems. Getting rid of an abusive ex involves understanding what it is about you that currently keeps him attached to you. Does he see you as easy to control and intimidate? Abusers get a sense of power from knowing that they can instil fear or distress in another living being. A more passive woman might use her vulnerability in an attempt to appeal to her abuser's "better side", but that really doesn't work well. It may inflame some level of desire, but it's not a tender desire. It's more like a desire to just hurt and keep hurting that vulnerable person. It's a vicious thing to be on the receiving end of - particularly if they've only started meting out that kind of treatment at a time when something's caused all your coping resources to break down. I agree that you should seek some help from the emergency services if you're at risk of physical harm from this guy. If the abuse is more emotional or psychological, then you need to minimise the enjoyment he gets from inflicting it. Quietly put the phone down whenever he calls, as soon as you hear it's him on the line. Don't react to his attempts to elicit any sort of response from you. Don't provide him with any sort of stimulation - stimulation would include attempting to reason with him, demonstrating anger, breaking down in tears etc. For a guy like this, any sort of attention will be viewed as a reward and as encouragement to keep pestering you - and as long as he believes he's a big deal in your life (even if it's for all the wrong reasons) then guaranteed he will refuse to leave it.
morrigan Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 This is a series of articles dealing with narcissistic abusers: http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html The best thing you can do is stay away from him entirely and have no contact, even if it means changing your phone or in a worst case scenario, moving. If he makes threats or stalking behavior, document it and definitely get the police involved. Some of these types don't take no for an answer or believe that they do all the rejecting in relationships--the SO doesn't have the right to leave them. He sees you as a source of attention supply, so he'll either try to get you back or he'll find someone else and repeat the same behavior. Take care of yourself.
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