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What does this guy want from me?


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Posted
This is VERY concerning. This man planned to get you so drunk that you would have sex with him, think about this for a moment...he is a total dick. Why would you even want to see someone like that again?

 

He most likely has done this to other women as well, got them as drunk as possible so he can **** them.

 

He only texted you afterwards so if you cried rape, he had those text messages to show. He is a total CREEP.

 

I also think the reason you are so desperate to contact him now is because you want to feel some sense of control out of what happened.

 

She said the bar tender was the one pouring the alcohol; not this guy.

Posted
What’s the best way of doing this without scaring him off or sounding too dramatic?

 

Reach out with a plan for a date. Have a normal conversation. Don't drink & don't have sex. See how he reacts.

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Posted
Reach out with a plan for a date. Have a normal conversation. Don't drink & don't have sex. See how he reacts.

 

I reached out to him this weekend and his answer was:

I would’ve loved that but I’m going to Paris for a few days...

And he sent me pictures of inside the air plane.

He didn’t follow up on when we should meet... I’m thinking about pulling away and see if he contacts me to do a fun activity (non-sexual)

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Posted
This is VERY concerning. This man planned to get you so drunk that you would have sex with him, think about this for a moment...he is a total dick. Why would you even want to see someone like that again?

 

He most likely has done this to other women as well, got them as drunk as possible so he can **** them.

 

He only texted you afterwards so if you cried rape, he had those text messages to show. He is a total CREEP.

 

I also think the reason you are so desperate to contact him now is because you want to feel some sense of control out of what happened.

 

I’ve been thinking and worrying about that yes... But I think that’s too farfetched? We have many mutual contacts and he would risk his reputation if he’d planned all of this...

 

I think he texted me because he may have felt a bit guilty when I passed out feeling really really sick...

Posted
That I didn’t realize consciously what we were doing until I felt him inside me. I don’t want to take a victim’s role here or make him feel bad about it, but it’s the truth.

 

If you text him that, what reaction do you predict he will have? Be very careful with a message like this unless it's your intention to keep him away from you. It is borderline suggesting that the sex was non-consensual. Is that how you feel?

Posted
But why would he initiate text if he’s really done?

 

how much effort does a text take, honestly?

 

he doesn't have to invest any energy or emotion in a couple of lines of text or go into protracted conversation that he may not feel like having; whereas he would have to if he was talking to you face to face.

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Posted
If you text him that, what reaction do you predict he will have? Be very careful with a message like this unless it's your intention to keep him away from you. It is borderline suggesting that the sex was non-consensual. Is that how you feel?

 

No I honestly enjoyed it. Just saying that I was only aware that we were doing it when I felt him inside me. Everything before, I did not realise what was actually happening. I think it was the alcohol...

 

Because as soon as I realised it I felt sick, we stopped and I fell asleep in his arms.

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Posted
how much effort does a text take, honestly?

 

he doesn't have to invest any energy or emotion in a couple of lines of text or go into protracted conversation that he may not feel like having; whereas he would have to if he was talking to you face to face.

 

True... So his texts don’t mean anything actually?

Posted
No I honestly enjoyed it. Just saying that I was only aware that we were doing it when I felt him inside me. Everything before, I did not realise what was actually happening. I think it was the alcohol...

 

Because as soon as I realised it I felt sick, we stopped and I fell asleep in his arms.

 

But what is your goal in telling him this?

Posted

Because as soon as I realised it I felt sick, we stopped and I fell asleep in his arms.

 

This might be the actual reason why he's been incommunicado with you.

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Posted
True... So his texts don’t mean anything actually?

 

Outside of letting you know what he's doing at a given time? No.

Posted

OP stop trying to read this guy thoughts, chalk this down to an confusing night and don't ever get that drunk again around a man you hardly know.

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Posted

Be cautious with this guy. Do not chase him, let him chase you. Don't drink too much when with him, then you can see how he really is with you. There is potential if he was genuine, but I think I would get fed up of picture texts and stop responding to them until he sent a proper message.

 

Let him make the effort instead of allowing him to send pics and claim he's away a lot. Ignore the behaviour you don't like and praise the behaviour you do. See what happens.

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Posted (edited)
She said the bar tender was the one pouring the alcohol; not this guy.

 

Bartenders take bribes. But no reason to think he doped her because she said she gets drunk on one drink because she's not a drinker, and they killed off a couple bottles of champagne. The champagne alone is enough to do it.

Edited by preraph
Posted

We've all been there with a situation like yours - jumping into sex right away. If and when you do, whether or not alcohol was involved in it, just let it be. You also sound young and inexperienced. When you get to be older you have no trouble seeing the forest from the trees and you can differentiate things.

 

As for his behavior? I think he acknowledges what you did and he's okay with that, he certainly doesn't hate you or himself for what you did, but just let it slide, put it up there with an experience, and you'll probably both end up moving on before you know it. If he was really interested in having a relationship, he would ask to see you again, which he's not.

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Posted
We've all been there with a situation like yours - jumping into sex right away. If and when you do, whether or not alcohol was involved in it, just let it be. You also sound young and inexperienced. When you get to be older you have no trouble seeing the forest from the trees and you can differentiate things.

 

As for his behavior? I think he acknowledges what you did and he's okay with that, he certainly doesn't hate you or himself for what you did, but just let it slide, put it up there with an experience, and you'll probably both end up moving on before you know it. If he was really interested in having a relationship, he would ask to see you again, which he's not.

 

True... I think I’ll just need to let him go and walk away. And IF he initiates contact again of course act normally but that’s the only way to move on I guess ?

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Posted
Be cautious with this guy. Do not chase him, let him chase you. Don't drink too much when with him, then you can see how he really is with you. There is potential if he was genuine, but I think I would get fed up of picture texts and stop responding to them until he sent a proper message.

 

Let him make the effort instead of allowing him to send pics and claim he's away a lot. Ignore the behaviour you don't like and praise the behaviour you do. See what happens.

 

OK I think I shouldn’t chase him anymore. Won’t ask him out again

Posted

He just wanted to get you drunk and loose so he can get laid. He's keeping in contact just so you won't think that's all he wanted. That's why his texts are not as flirtatious. He'll come up with excuses as to why he won't be able to see you...i.e. travelling. And he gets a minute he'll tell you he wants to do something. I'm sure you'll try and get him to do something where you won't have to have sex, but he'll come up with another excuse to get you loose again.

 

Please keep yourself busy and do other things and date other men.

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Posted

So I’ve had a date with a guy and after that we still texted back and forth. The last message he sent me was when he was on his way to Paris, last Sunday. I initiated that contact but the last message was from him (sending from the air plane). He said: Happy Birthday with your brother!!!

 

I was at my brother’s dinner party and didn’t reply anything to his message. The reason why I didn’t reply anything is because I initiate 60% of the texts and his messages seem very less engaged compared the messages he sent before we had sex. Yes we had sex on the first date and it made me a bit insecure. Although I liked it and we also told each other we had an amazing evening, and we still keptntexting back and forth I could just sense that something had changed. I don’t want to be clingy and needy so I took a bit distance because I felt he was pulling away.

 

Now I just assume he’s not interested because we haven’t talked in a week. But as the last message was his saying congrats to my brother and I did not reply to that, what should I do?

 

I want to message him but I’m just afraid he has already lost interest and if he will ignore my new message that would hurt me a lot!

Posted

No. He was out of town & you didn't respond. He thinks you are not interested.

 

Write back. Ask if he's home & how his trip was.

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Posted
No. He was out of town & you didn't respond. He thinks you are not interested.

 

Write back. Ask if he's home & how his trip was.

 

But his messages are less flirtatious after our night spending together. Ugh I’m really not used to this. Most of the times when I’m dating, I’m used to guys who initiate at least 90% of the convo’s and he’s at 40%.

 

I’m just so scared and afraid he won’t respond. I mean... He is very social and guys like to chase right? He doesn’t often ask me questions about my life and hasn’t talked about a 2nd date. When I initiated the last text it was actually: Hey want to have lunch?

 

He replied that he’s traveling but didn’t follow up on when we can see each other once he’s back...

Posted

His communication style is simply different then what you are used to He is not going to chase while he's traveling. See what happens when he gets back & stop fretting.

Posted

You've only had one date. Was the date the first time he met you? Maybe he was flirtatious before when he only imagined you and wanted to make sure you'd agree to see him. Maybe the date wasn't that great for him. You're getting too involved. There is nothing between you unless you've been friends for a long time before the first real date?

Posted

OP, I thought you had planned to leave this guy alone and not chase him. After what happened the last time you were with him I'd let it be if I were you. It seems he was turned off by the excessive drinking.

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Posted
You've only had one date. Was the date the first time he met you? Maybe he was flirtatious before when he only imagined you and wanted to make sure you'd agree to see him. Maybe the date wasn't that great for him. You're getting too involved. There is nothing between you unless you've been friends for a long time before the first real date?

 

We’ve known each other since February and saw each other sometimes at conferences. So no we don’t know each other that well... But we’ve been in touch since February

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