PecanBear Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 I became involved with someone mid last year who wasnt exactly over his ex even though he told me repeatedly that he was. Of course as time went by so did feelings grow. More so more than me. He talked about me moving into his place after 6 months of dating. But I had one hardcore question for him before we take the plunge. Does he love me. He couldnt answer the question. Then it snowballed into him having this lightbulb moment when he needed closure on his past relationship because she broke up with him....she walked out on him without any warning. So to work on him he decided that we needed to break up. I was absolutely crushed. But he held me on by saying that if its meant to be....him and I...then he will come back. Well, he held on to me. We still talked in the phone. Texted. Still took me out. Still remained intimate. We just couldnt let go of one another. Little did I know this man allowed this ex to come back and live in his house to help her thru a rough patch and to get this closure which involved them going to couples counseling. I didnt know this for months. She moved in Feb 2018 and I didnt find out till April 2018 via a Facebook post. It was right before I found out he told me how much he loves me and that he wants to give us a shot. So when I found out about her living with him I was livid. Honesty is number 1 with me so I was sickened by all the lies he fed me to hide this fact from me. So he told me about the counseling and how he learned during those sessions that he didnt want a life at all with this woman. Realized how toxic she is for him. Blah, blah, blah. He gave me the option to walk but I didnt take it. I love this man. I told him from that day forward to be 110% honest with me going forward. I understood his WHY for his stupidity even though I dont agree with it. In the meantime he didnt slow down in making time with me. Taking me out and doing couple stuff....going to the movies, etc. Then a couple months later he tells me he is going to L.A. to visit his dad. Gave very creative details about that trip. Found out via Facebook posting AGAIN that that was a dang lie. He actually went out of town to go see her family 3 hours away. It was part of the closure....for her benefit. At that point I was starting to feel a lil stupid. He lies to me again. I dang near caught a case I was so angry with him. I asked him point blank when is this woman leaving his house (probably my 4 time asking) and back when he first told me the deadline was Sept. Now its jumped from Sept to October to now the end of November. Woman has no job but has a ton of friends and family that reside in the same state. And so question to him has been....if this relationship is done and over with why dont she just go crash at a friends/family house? Why keep "sponsoring" her? She needs to move on and be done. He keeps telling me to hold on but quite frankly Im getting tired of it. Opinions/thoughts.
kendahke Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 You do understand that you are the other woman here, right? and please read my tag line below 2
Author PecanBear Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Its definitely starting to feel that way. And it almost has me feeling that I need to contact this woman directly to hear her side of it so I can get my closure.
Author PecanBear Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 I'm pretty sure you already know your relationship with this man is not going to work because he is not willing to do his part. Please explain.
kendahke Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Its definitely starting to feel that way. And it almost has me feeling that I need to contact this woman directly to hear her side of it so I can get my closure. Before you do that, go look up Derrick Jaxn's video on youtube about Closure. I wouldn't contact her. Her side of it is that she got her man back, she's living in his house and he didn't stand and declare for you. Unless you want to look like the crazy jilted chick, just don't waste your time. It won't turn out the way you think it will. 1
Author PecanBear Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Before you do that, go look up Derrick Jaxn's video on youtube about Closure. I wouldn't contact her. Her side of it is that she got her man back, she's living in his house and he didn't stand and declare for you. Unless you want to look like the crazy jilted chick, just don't waste your time. It won't turn out the way you think it will. Thank you. I'll check that video out. It just hurts like hell because I literally wasted a year of my life. Something I can't get back at all. Mind you I was single for a few years prior to meeting him to get over a bad marriage. Healed myself first only to get involved with someone else who caused me pain so right back to square one I go.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Yeah, you do not want to forgive someone who lies to you over a period of months about a relationship with someone else. Maybe in year 25 of a long marriage, you can consider that ... But any big lie (at the start) requires we end the relationship. Doesn't matter how sorry the other person says they are ... This guy unfortunately knew how to charm you ... which is one reason you don't forgive and forget a lie ... because liars are often amazing charmers. They know our weak spots, they know how to talk a good game ... and so if you don't have a hard and fast rule in place ... it is so easy to be set up for more and more lies. Quit asking questions ... fire him. Now! Yesterday ... He has already gotten away with some big lies ... if you stay with him, here's his thinking, "She'll stay with me through any lie I tell her."
kendahke Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 Thank you. I'll check that video out. It just hurts like hell because I literally wasted a year of my life. Something I can't get back at all. Mind you I was single for a few years prior to meeting him to get over a bad marriage. Healed myself first only to get involved with someone else who caused me pain so right back to square one I go. Not everyone you meet will be as emotionally disciplined and evolved as you are. Unfortunate, but there it is. Look at it this way: this past year, you learned what to look out for and if it ever rears its ugly head again, your intuition will be going off far sooner. When what they say and how they act are not consistent, then it's time to take a step back to get a wider view. 1
Art_Critic Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 So you told him you required 110% honesty and then you find out he lied again and you do nothing about enforcing your own boundaries.. BTW, he is getting his noodle wet with the other girl.. and I'd bet she knows nothing about you or at least doesn't know he is dipping his wick with you... Time to dump the cheater.... 1
SunnyWeather Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 this cake was baked eons ago. I'm wondering, per your title: starting to feel stupid. What took you so long? How is it possible that you were with someone for so long and didn't know he was living with his "ex"? And, after finding out, continue to date him??? Please take this experience to heart and never let yourself be duped so thoroughly like this again.
dream of me Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 You love him, but can you respect him? Trust him? Would you give one of your kidneys for him? Would you trust him to ever give you one of his?
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