Inlovenotinlove Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Im dating someone who claims to have a bad memory. But its happening over things i wouldnt expect to happen and i have heard its a huge red flag when someone forgets things abput you as its a clear indicator they arent that interested in you. Now together we seem to be amazing, we laugh, joke, talk about our future and ive met her friends and family. She's 29 im 33. Anyway, theres these weird things that are bugging me and i dont know whether im being a bad partner not believing her or whether im right to feel weird about these. 1 example was we spoke about ex partners, i have only ever mentioned 1 ive been with that shes seen in person and she didnt Like it (as this woman is now dating my friend so she was at my house with him), she got annoyed saying she wished shed not seen someone id been with. It was a small thing but the point was it annoyed her enough to remember her or so id thought. Anyway she also heard her on the phone as she was obviously with my mate 1 night and she asked me 'is sarah there?' I said 'yes with her bf john theyve just popped round'. So ive mentioned her name 3 or 4 times now. Fast forward a week and, she asked about my night out, i said 'it was fine apart from sarah arguing with john which kind of ruined the nigjt' my gf replied 'whos sarah?' Now i dont know why but it really bothered me. Woman dont usually forget things especially when she got so annoyed it was one of my exes. Am i stupid for letting this make me think maybe this girl isnt that into me as it really gets me down. Its not this 1 instance either its happened probably 5 or 6 times. Shes apologised and said everytime that her memory is terrible and it annoys her. But it gets me down a bit as i couldnt imagine me forgetting someone like that if shed mentioned a guys name and id seen him i feel id remember.
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 From experiences, this is what crazies do...they come off as amazing to you, good in bed, but little ugly things start to pop up....you ignore them, telling your self naaaah, things are so amazing with them, it just can't be....once you are hooked, the jealousy and insane accusations hit like a tidal wave. This girl was hoping you would slip up and give her different information....she is one insecure girl. Follow your gut. Like I always say if it doesn't feel right, it's not right. Just me but if my date said "I wish you didn't introduce me to your ex because they were with you"....would have me running.
Author Inlovenotinlove Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Thanks for the reply. Its not that line that bothers me as ive typed it the context could be wrong. It was more a jealousy thing for 5 seconds. The point of the post was asking is it strange a woman would forget like that? Shes also never acted that jelous and never accused me of anything in this past 3 months. Im more concerned how or why she suddenly forgot this womans name like that.
Author Inlovenotinlove Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 You just wait............ I just dont understand where her forgetting things would make her suddenly like that. Surely if she was the jelous type she'd remember that girls name
Lotsgoingon Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 Dude, it's a red flag ... that she: 1. Got jealous about a woman you're not dating ... who your friend is dating ... 2. Then forgot the name of this woman ... Actually worse, she didn't RECOGNIZE the name ... which is a deeper level of "forgetfulness." That's not a memory thing ... something else is going on ... you don't forget something that emotionally upsets you ... so "memory" isn't the issue ... She sounds like she's emotionally immature, perhaps not stable ... with weak social skills. Very unfocused and scatterbrained. Smackie is right: let her go ... guaranteed you keep going, you'll be back on this board with another issue or two issue (strange as this one) in a week.
Dis Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 Me personally?... I wouldn't be too happy about my bf hanging around someone he used to bang. Poor taste and poor boundaries. I wouldn't expect my bf to be happy about hanging out with someone who I've slept with either. I'll let others weigh in on the rest 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 My guess is she didn't forget at all, but is now trying to play it casual and put on a front that this woman doesn't get to her. She pretends not to remember so she can seem like it doesn't bother her. A little silly, yes, but I don't see why this gets you down. It's an awkward situation for her, knowing you dated this Sarah and that she's still around with some regularity. Give her a bit of a break on that, OP. Now, I would be curious to hear what else she has forgotten that would be more of a red flag.
LifeBoing Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 Me personally?... I wouldn't be too happy about my bf hanging around someone he used to bang. Poor taste and poor boundaries. I wouldn't expect my bf to be happy about hanging out with someone who I've slept with either. I'll let others weigh in on the rest This. I was scrolling down hoping to read a comment like this. It's pretty normal for her to get jealous or feel a little insecure when her boyfriend is still hanging around in the presence of his ex. Her forgetting the name might have been, like the above comment says, her way of acting like she doesn't care about his ex or maybe she did genuinely forget because of other important to remember things in her life. It's sad how quick everyone is to judge the girl and telling him to break up with her.
Author Inlovenotinlove Posted October 29, 2018 Author Posted October 29, 2018 I have to agree. Firstly thank you for the replies but its worrying to see how many people leave their partners over 1 thing. Im more in the camp of 'she pretended to forget' because a day later i actually mentioned her again to see if shed remember a 2nd time and un suprsingly she suddenly remembered something id mentioned on our 3rd date about Sarah. So i said 'thats strange, yesterday you didnt remember her, today you remember something even id forgot id told you 3 months ago' so im guessing shes trying to act cool about it. Think it'll be best to keep her out of conversation if it causes this but it is a close friends gf. So whenever i mention him i mention them.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 How long ago did you date Sarah, OP? And for how long?
kendahke Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 (edited) t its worrying to see how many people leave their partners over 1 thing. This isn't just one thing, though... it's just one thing that you've taken notice of. Plenty of us have been alive long enough to have seen this played out in the lives of someone we know, if not us. Wasting your youth with someone who plays mind games and gaslights you isn't healthy and you don't get a gold star for it... just pitiful looks once you've dragged your carcass off that battlefield. She's already made it clear to you that she gets incandescent whenever Sarah's name gets mentioned and she doesn't want to hear it. She knows full well who Sarah is--otherwise, why get angry at the sound of her name?--and why she's there. Sarah dating your boy shouldn't have her this worked up unless you've made it clear you're really not over Sarah to your girlfriend. If that's not the case, then what she was doing was poop testing you. Edited October 29, 2018 by kendahke 2
PRW Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 No one mentioned this, so I'm just putting it out there... Her forgetfulness could be a result of a physical condition/injury effecting the brain. You don't know all of her past. There could have been an accident, even as a young child or infant the even she wouldn't remember. There could have been drug abuse by her mother while pregnant, or some other abuse that happened to her after she was born. She could have also abused drugs herself and have left over damage from that. She could even be using something right now and you just don't know about it. I'm not saying these things are the case but they are something to keep in mind. Not everyone's "less than positive" behavor is voluntary or completely voluntary on their part.
smackie9 Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 To all those who oppose the ex, remember the OP hangs out with her because his best bud is dating her now. They hang out as a group. I definitely don't see that has an issue nor does his friend who's seems to be OK with the fact the OP used to "bang" his GF. 1
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