Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Hey guys, Right now I just need to write my emotions down. I feel totally lost and honestly don’t ever want to date or develop feelings again. I am 26 years old, but all my life I was just a booty call for guys, someone they where attracted to. I developed confidence though over the years and it got better. But still I never had a serious relationship, or somebody who loves me the way I am, which was always something I would desire. I saw my girlfriends and how they where loved by the guys they met and developed relationships with. One day I met a man and we had contact everyday, he was thoughtful and cute and I fell in love with him. But he never wanted to commit to me. I spent almost a year with this guy until we finally had a huge discussion and a fight because I wanted more than him, I just wanted a label to our already existing connection. He just left me without a second thought, not caring about how much he hurt me. It took me almost two years to get over this extremly painful experience. Now recently I met a guy and I really liked him. I felt huge attraction and chemistry between us, we texted everyday and we went on a beautiful date. He was so respectful and very different from the guy I dated before. I liked that so much but I became very scared that he would just be like him, only wanting me casually. After our second date, which was beautiful aswell, I asked him what he was looking for and he said he isn’t looking for a relationship. I respected it and told him I am looking for one. After that he kinda disappeared. I was really hurt but I thought well maybe he shows up again, but he didn’t. Instead now I can see on his social media how he dates another girl serveral times a week (he didn’t took this much time for me) I don’t know if they are bf gf yet but all looks like it. I feel betrayed and lied to. She is stunning aswell and I feel like again I wasn’t good enough. Like saying he doesn’t want a relationship was just a way to get rid of me although he send me cute good night texts before I asked him about that. I feel like I can’t date anymore because somehow for me it always ends in a disaster. I feel like there has to be something very very wrong with me that guys which are into me, text me everyday, kiss me, pay on dates (basically everything seems like they are trying to get with me) end up rejecting me and run off with someone else. I lost all my confidence about dating now with this experience, I wanted to try again with him and thought it would go well with him, but obviously he didn’t liked me as I liked him.
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 (edited) Don't judge a book by it's cover.....it's obvious this guy is a cheater. You and most likely other women he has been dating behind this poor woman's back. He's not a good guy. And for the record, he wasn't trying to get rid of you, he was hoping you weren't looking for a relationship, but an affair. Him not wanting a relationship was your cue to kick him to the curb. Be angry, not disappointed. He's a turd that just wasted your time. Your picker is off, please don't try again with this turd. Dear work on your self worth and confidence...once you have that, those turds will go away. You just need to not waste your time on a man that won't commit, and there are plenty of them unfortunately. Everyone has to weed through the garbage, it's part of life. Oh and beware of those who say all the right things, smooth talkers, love bombing,....they are jerks. Edited October 28, 2018 by smackie9
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Don't judge a book by it's cover.....it's obvious this guy is a cheater. You and most likely other women he has been dating behind this poor woman's back. He's not a good guy. And for the record, he wasn't trying to get rid of you, he was hoping you weren't looking for a relationship, but an affair. Him not wanting a relationship was your cue to kick him to the curb. Be angry, not disappointed. He's a turd that just wasted your time. Your picker is off, please don't try again with this turd. Dear work on your self worth and confidence...once you have that, those turds will go away. You just need to not waste your time on a man that won't commit, and there are plenty of them unfortunately. Everyone has to weed through the garbage, it's part of life. Oh and beware of those who say all the right things, smooth talkers, love bombing,....they are jerks. No he really wasn’t seeing anyone at that time. He was just out of a relationship which wasn’t going well and we texted everyday. Shame on me I looked at his social media sometimes and he was following this girl new a few weeks ago, where we already had no contact anymore. So he just got to know her and now spends so much time with her. That hurts me because I began to develop feelings for him and thought he liked me back, but now it seems he falls in love with someone else.
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 How do you know he wasn't? It's not like he's going to post on social media every date he has with someone. For all you know he was seeing her at the same time as you, and maybe had a few dates in between.
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 How do you know he wasn't? It's not like he's going to post on social media every date he has with someone. For all you know he was seeing her at the same time as you, and maybe had a few dates in between. No, maybe I worded that badly. We had a date which was a beautiful evening. We watched movies and made out and he didn’t tryed to sleep with me. He was very respectful. Then a week went by and he still send me something everyday. But somehow he didn’t asked me for another date and stuff. That is when I asked for his intentions and he told me he isn’t looking for something serious right now. Then 1-2 months passed and he is now spending a lot of time with this girl and posts about it on social media. He only followed her a few weeks ago. We didn’t had any contact then anymore. Basically it is none of my buisness he is dating but I feel **** anyway because he told me he isn’t looking for something when now clearly he is. It seemed like he was into me, so I feel bad for not seeing what could have happen between us if we continued seeing each other. I feel like it is my own fault for rushing things like that and asking him instead of seeing what would happen. Now I feel like it is my own fault he is with this other girl because I told him I am not looking for something non serious
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 (edited) Like I said, when he started following her doesn't pinpoint the time he started seeing her. You are just trying real hard to make it like he's just though you weren't worth it. And that isn't true. He wouldn't have given you the time of day if he thought you were trash. It's very possible he was dating several women. Maybe he was respectful after all. He wasn't getting you into the sack for the sake of getting laid. It's possible he just wasn't ready for any relationship, and just wanted to date. How about this, lets say you were in his shoes and you were unsure about jumping into a relationship. You felt unsure, it felt too soon, you got scared, you didn't want a relationship, you run. Then down the road you met someone that absolutely swept you off your feet. Would you not be dating said new person? Feelings change, timing seemed right, and yes if you had choices you would choose accordingly. I'm sure her thought you were a great lady, just not for him...oh well you can't win them all. My advice is, don't take it personally, and do not invest so hard. You only went on two dates...hardly time to really know someone and catch feelings like that. Never include texting as dating someone. The proof is in how often they want to see you. This should be your guideline. Oh and don't think for a second you would have increased your chances with him if you said you weren't looking for a relationship...that is just dumb. You will only f yourself out of meeting someone else who wants a relationship. You need to stop thinking like that. Edited October 28, 2018 by smackie9
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 You want a relationship so badly you are going from one extreme to the other. Because the one guy strung you along for a year, now you are pushing for labels too early, around the 2nd date. You also have to stop thinking that 1-3 good dates means anything more then you will have another date. Similarly good texting isn't a great measure of anything. Back off a bit. Do define things like exclusivity & ultimate goals before sex but give it a few weeks at least. 1
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 You want a relationship so badly you are going from one extreme to the other. Because the one guy strung you along for a year, now you are pushing for labels too early, around the 2nd date. You also have to stop thinking that 1-3 good dates means anything more then you will have another date. Similarly good texting isn't a great measure of anything. Back off a bit. Do define things like exclusivity & ultimate goals before sex but give it a few weeks at least. Exactly. I did exactly that and that is why I am full of regret. We didn’t just texted though, we saw each other every day at work. Honestly I never felt that kind of attraction towards someone, I was so aware of him when he was sitting beside me it was crazy. That is why I regret asking him so much. All my friends say it was okay you should know where things are going. But I feel I destroyed it with that, because as you said I was already pushing wanting to know what he is up to with me instead of chilling and enjoying if we maybe see each other again. It was a reaction I did out of fear. I was so pushy and now I regret that so much because there was something between us. But now he is off with another girl who peobably won‘t show that kind of insecuritie and I ****ed up my chance.
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Like I said, when he started following her doesn't pinpoint the time he started seeing her. You are just trying real hard to make it like he's just though you weren't worth it. And that isn't true. He wouldn't have given you the time of day if he thought you were trash. It's very possible he was dating several women. Maybe he was respectful after all. He wasn't getting you into the sack for the sake of getting laid. It's possible he just wasn't ready for any relationship, and just wanted to date. How about this, lets say you were in his shoes and you were unsure about jumping into a relationship. You felt unsure, it felt too soon, you got scared, you didn't want a relationship, you run. Then down the road you met someone that absolutely swept you off your feet. Would you not be dating said new person? Feelings change, timing seemed right, and yes if you had choices you would choose accordingly. I'm sure her thought you were a great lady, just not for him...oh well you can't win them all. My advice is, don't take it personally, and do not invest so hard. You only went on two dates...hardly time to really know someone and catch feelings like that. Never include texting as dating someone. The proof is in how often they want to see you. This should be your guideline. Oh and don't think for a second you would have increased your chances with him if you said you weren't looking for a relationship...that is just dumb. You will only f yourself out of meeting someone else who wants a relationship. You need to stop thinking like that. Yes, I get what you mean. It is just sad that he was the one who totally swepped me of my feet and I kinda thought it was mutual.
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Take the insights you have developed & apply them to your next relationship. It's like goldie locks -- not to slow, not to fast.
FMW Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, you just haven't met YOUR guy yet. Maybe this last guy started seeing this other woman more frequently than he did you because she wasn't looking for anything serious, maybe it's completely a FWB thing and he can get all the sex he wants with no commitment. Who knows. And as smackie pointed out, you really don't know who he was seeing or when, not everything is going to show up on social media. Don't compare yourself to anyone, you never really know anyone else's truth so there's no basis for comparison. Don't lower your expectations or loosen your boundaries. And don't lose hope
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Take the insights you have developed & apply them to your next relationship. It's like goldie locks -- not to slow, not to fast. It‘s just that this guy didn’t felt like anyone before. That‘s why I have these what if thoughts. What if I haven’t pushed, then maybe he wouldn’t date this other girl now. I wish I could get a second chance with him.
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, you just haven't met YOUR guy yet. Maybe this last guy started seeing this other woman more frequently than he did you because she wasn't looking for anything serious, maybe it's completely a FWB thing and he can get all the sex he wants with no commitment. Who knows. And as smackie pointed out, you really don't know who he was seeing or when, not everything is going to show up on social media. Don't compare yourself to anyone, you never really know anyone else's truth so there's no basis for comparison. Don't lower your expectations or loosen your boundaries. And don't lose hope Thanks! No it doesn’t seem like it. He is going out with her on walks and coffee dates and stuff. Doesn’t look like a fwb thing at all. They meet every week now so whatever, I can’t do anything about it.
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Exactly. We didn’t just texted though, we saw each other every day at work. This is dangerous....never ever date anyone from work. It's the worst! Guaranteed most of the time things don't work and it gets awkward even ugly. Maybe you are right, you got too obsessive with him, but lost any chance? You will never know if you did or not. Not something to dwell on. Now you are just obsessing over the loss...stop it. It's his loss not yours..... 1
sabaton Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 There's nothing wrong with you, OP. You did nothing wrong and you are not damaged goods, if that's what you're thinking yourself to be. Those guys were users and abusers, not that there's anything wrong in just wanting casual, but they deliberately lied to you about wanting something more with than just sex, leading you on by treating you like you were their girlfriend and then dumping you when they got bored. Visit professional therapists and work through the trauma you've been through, and let time heal your emotional wounds, and in due time you'll be ready to date again. Oh, and don't date guys from your work. It might turn sour and then it's an awful situation to be in.
Purrrfect Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 You did nothing wrong here. We have all had experiences like this. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter why. He likely just was not that interested. He kissed you to feel the chemistry out but it wasn’t there. Stalking his social media will do nothing good. Sorry.
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 You did nothing wrong here. We have all had experiences like this. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter why. He likely just was not that interested. He kissed you to feel the chemistry out but it wasn’t there. Stalking his social media will do nothing good. Sorry. We kissed more than once and the kisses definetely had chemistry. Loads.
Author Pekah Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 We kissed more than once and the kisses definetely had chemistry. Loads. There's nothing wrong with you, OP. You did nothing wrong and you are not damaged goods, if that's what you're thinking yourself to be. Those guys were users and abusers, not that there's anything wrong in just wanting casual, but they deliberately lied to you about wanting something more with than just sex, leading you on by treating you like you were their girlfriend and then dumping you when they got bored. Visit professional therapists and work through the trauma you've been through, and let time heal your emotional wounds, and in due time you'll be ready to date again. Oh, and don't date guys from your work. It might turn sour and then it's an awful situation to be in. Thanks for your kind words. I hope you are right and that there is nothing wrong and hopefully soon I will met someone who sees me for more as fun.
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