Falling in and out of love

[MBC]

After a month after my ex dropped the bomb, I was completely devasted. I am 28 and she is 26. I thought that she had decided to completely give up, and I couldn't believe that she lost faith in our relationship to try to work things out. I assumed that she was weak and I that if there were some things that I could change, then everything could be worked out. I was a mess. My work suffered and I thought it was the end of the world. I had never been so heartbroken before. As my ex had only been in one other relationship prior to ours, I didn't understand how she could just so swiftly not care for the relationship any longer. How was it possible that she randomly decided to call it quits and have no desire to work things out. We had a beautiful relationship. We had our quarrels but nothing major. There wasn't really anything fundamentally wrong with the relationship. We were the best of friends and lovers, inseparable. It was crazy because we had this connection that we couldn't explain. She told me that she was not in love with me anymore, but that she still loves me. I just didn't understand.

 

Here is her explanation:

 

I have given it a lot of thoughts. I hope that you can forgive my decision, I really have thought this over one last time and I do not think that there is any possibility that we can make our relationship work. Please understand that this is not your fault, not something that you did, nor something that anyone did, i have just come to terms that i don't see a future and i don't think we belong to each other, it was such a blessing that i had the opportunity to meet you and fall in love with you and share all these precious and wonderful moments with you, the moments that we shared will always the the most valuable memory in my life, i will cherish it forever and i am forever grateful for you.

 

So I came to LS for answers. The posting that made everything clear to me was this one:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t58983/

 

After reading the postings. Everything became clear to me and I finally found peace. I now know that she did love me and she tried everything but her love for me dissapated and there was really no explanation. She came to a realization that I never understood. I couldn't believe that one could just fall out of love so instantly. But the posting allowed me to reconcile everything. At that point, I finally understood the process that she went through and that there was nothing left that could be done to salvage the relationship. It is then that I was able to accept the loss and my feelings of being in love with her was dissapearing. I now only love her but I am not in love with her because I was able to accept the fact that sometimes people just fall out of love. There is no tangible explanation. There may have been things that I could have changed earlier to stop the process but there is nothing that can be done now.

 

I hope after reading this some people will be able to find the peace that I found. I cried at first when I thought that it was so unfair that there was no hope. But I came to accept that and I feel good that whatever we had was amazing and that we should leave it the way it is. Once you are able to find it within yourself to not try to find some blame for the demise of the relationship as I did, the healing process came very quickly. Don't try to understand what happened and what could have changed. I still have a linger of hope that she will be able to find that spark again, but I am not going to waste any energy in something that is far and beyond out of my control.

 

I have come to terms with the demise of the relationship and I now find solace in the fact that I found a best friend for the rest of my life. We can still care for each other and still love each other without being in love. It is the fact that we did share the most miraculous love and we can still be great friends now that I have found my peace. I hope this will shed light for all who are having a difficult time right now. I feel your pain and I pray for everyone to find your peace. I have found this experience for me to be uplifting and can now move forward. Peace be with all of you.

[sanne]

props to you for being mature enough to handle being friends with your ex. unfortunately most relationships just don't turn out the way yours has in the end.

[MBC]

The thing is I am still harboring some ill feelings towards her because she gave up. She didn't want to work things out because I know that her clock is ticking and she is having the grass is greener syndrome. Whenever I see her, she has a smile on her face because she is happy to see me. The problem is that I didn't realize it till now, is that I believe she is looking for someone to take care of her and provide for her. I know that I was kind of just loping around and not trying to change the circumstances surrounding my life, but I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do. The way she saw it was that I didn't have any ambitions to try move up in life. I now understand that she saw that I was not progressing as quickly as she would have hoped. Therefore, she is thinking that she should get out before it is too late. This really bugs me because I always thought the great part about growing together was to work hard and build a future that we could be proud together. Something that when we were older, we could look back on how we were able to overcome all the obtacles and make a prosperous life together. It is now I know that she saw that I had this potential but decided that she didn't want to take the risk because she wasn't sure that I would utilize my potential and provide the financial stability for the future. I cannot believe that everything has become so obvious now and now I feel a little betrayed and find her superficial. This is actually the first that that she has ever done bad to me. Before I realized this, I could not say anything bad about her. So I guess the moral of my story, just let it go. Learn from the experience. Because now, I understand that I don't make to much of an effort to become a better person, although I have made great strides in my life, but just not where she wanted me to be. I have totally renewed myself to taking actions to improve myself now. I have decided that I am going to work on getting my professional license. I also decided that I will go and get my Masters' degree. I guess it was the risk she had to take. And it boiled down to the fact that she would rather have a material lifestyle than to have true love. Its her loss and I wish that she is blessed with happiness in her life. Because if she is looking for someone who is constantly ambitious and always wanting to raise the bar, then I cant fathom that she will ever truly find the love we had because we were soul mates. She just got it in her head somehow that sometimes you don't marry your soul mate.

[guest]

You can't be friends until you fall in love with another woman as deeply.

 

cheers mate!

[Pzykotik]

That makes more sense than anything I've heard in a LONG time! Thing is I still think that if she loved me that passionatley once she can love me like that again...