Are all casual sex guys like this?

[Newheregirl]

I don't see how you expect to have casual sex with someone and still expect them to be emotionally available, and emotionally warm.

 

Some might be respectful, sure. But casual sex and emotions don't exactly mix.

 

The closest thing that comes to mind is a friend with benefits. But even then you can't really expect him to be emotionally available.

 

 

It sounds like you want the perks of a relationship without the responsibility or commitment.

 

As long as you are emotionally available for yourself, you are emotionally available for any other person.

 

For the barista at the coffee shop, for the cleaner that cleans your house, to your dog, to the taxi driver that takes you to the airport, etc.

 

Being emotionally available is basically just CONNECTING with the other person, even is just for 5 minutes.

 

Being emotionally available in casual sex doesn't take anything away from you or means you now have to marry the person.

 

It only means you connect with the other person and makes for a good experience to repeat or at least, to remember.

[Logo]

See I don't understand that. Sex as some cold emotionless act? Casual sex does not have to be cold and robotic. You can express emotions to a fellow driver who has cut you off in traffic, but you can't express emotion to someone you're having sex with. Give me a break.

 

Emotions does not equal commitment. Screaming out in climactic ecstasy seems like an expression of emotion to me.

 

 

 

That's a straw man argument.

 

Expressing emotion during sex is not the same as being "emotionally available".

 

Claiming that climaxing is the same as being "emotionally available" is preposterous.

 

It's called attachment. People develop attachment if both emotions and sex are involved.

[Logo]

As long as you are emotionally available for yourself, you are emotionally available for any other person.

 

For the barista at the coffee shop, for the cleaner that cleans your house, to your dog, to the taxi driver that takes you to the airport, etc.

 

Being emotionally available is basically just CONNECTING with the other person, even is just for 5 minutes.

 

Being emotionally available in casual sex doesn't take anything away from you or means you now have to marry the person.

 

It only means you connect with the other person and makes for a good experience to repeat or at least, to remember.

 

 

 

Your definition of emotional availability is not exactly the commonly accepted definition.

 

 

Real FWBs develop attachment.

Edited October 28, 2018 by Logo

[sabaton]

Real FWBs develop attachment.

 

 

Nah. Usually people who develop feelings had those feelings developed before they entered the FWB, and the sex made those feelings grow. I was in a FWB for a couple of months and I didn't end up feeling anything other than sexual desire, sexual fulfillment, and physical pleasure.

[guest569]

That's a straw man argument.

 

Expressing emotion during sex is not the same as being "emotionally available".

 

Claiming that climaxing is the same as being "emotionally available" is preposterous.

 

It's called attachment. People develop attachment if both emotions and sex are involved.

 

I am stating that people are capable of having casual sex and emotions at the same time. There is really nothing preposterous about it. It happens all the time. Emotions does not necessarily equal attachment, does not necessarily equal relationship. You're preposterous.

[sabaton]

I am stating that people are capable of having casual sex and emotions at the same time. There is really nothing preposterous about it. It happens all the time. Emotions does not necessarily equal attachment, does not necessarily equal relationship. You're preposterous.

 

 

Yeah, it seems to be a common held-belief that people gotta develop romantic feelings for someone they are having sex with, and then you think to yourself. ''Does that mean escorts fall in love with the hundreds of men they had sex with?'' I know the women aren't attracted to their clients, but since when sexual attraction gotta do with romantic love.

[pandagirl2018]

Yeah, it seems to be a common held-belief that people gotta develop romantic feelings for someone they are having sex with, and then you think to yourself. ''Does that mean escorts fall in love with the hundreds of men they had sex with?'' I know the women aren't attracted to their clients, but since when sexual attraction gotta do with romantic love.

 

In my thread I started here recently I mentioned a guy I had casual sex 14 years ago returning back to my life recently.

 

14 years ago I used to meet him just for sex. Yes I had emotions, I liked him, but I never developed romantic feelings for him.

 

And why? Because even at that time I knew very well what I wanted from a romantic partner and is not just sex.

 

It's companionship, same values and goals, connection, love, compatibility, chemistry, etc.

 

With him I only had the chemistry, which to me is not enough at all for a serious relationship. I knew we would never be good for a relationship and the goal of what we had was not that.

 

That's why when I then met my ex-husband I left that casual sex guy.

 

But still, it wasn't cold and emotionless with him, just because it was just sex.

[Newheregirl]

Your definition of emotional availability is not exactly the commonly accepted definition.

 

 

Real FWBs develop attachment.

 

It's my definition and how I am happy living, and I don't give a s*** what is the "commonly accepted definition".

 

You may be right that "Real FWBs develop attachment", but attachment is not the same as love.

[guest569]

If we're going to talk about commonly accepted definitions.. Let's define "casual". Wikipeda actually include the emotional aspect in the definition :

 

Casual dating or a casual relationship is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have casual sex or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting the extra commitments of a more formal romantic relationship.

[sabaton]

If we're going to talk about commonly accepted definitions.. Let's define "casual". Wikipeda actually include the emotional aspect in the definition :

 

Casual dating or a casual relationship is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have casual sex or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting the extra commitments of a more formal romantic relationship.

 

 

Then it's not emotional, because if it was emotional it'd become a romantic relationship even if they aren't calling it dating.

[Newheregirl]

Then it's not emotional, because if it was emotional it'd become a romantic relationship even if they aren't calling it dating.

 

Why can't people just respect each other and be honest regardless of labels?

[sabaton]

Why can't people just respect each other and be honest regardless of labels?

 

 

 

 

Because the Catholic Church ruled over Europe for a thousand years and more, and when the pligrims made their trek across the Atlantic Ocean and set foot on the North-American continent, they brought with them their very strict, moralistic notions and ideals of love and sex and pleasure, which means that to this day there's a lot of women who believe ''most women don't want casual sex''

 

 

 

because women are always seeking for something higher than just sex, when the truth is that women just don't want to get labeled as ''sluts'' which is something that sadly still happens to many women who decide to have casual sex.

[Newheregirl]

Because the Catholic Church ruled over Europe for a thousand years and more, and when the pligrims made their trek across the Atlantic Ocean and set foot on the North-American continent, they brought with them their very strict, moralistic notions and ideals of love and sex and pleasure, which means that to this day there's a lot of women who believe ''most women don't want casual sex''

 

 

 

because women are always seeking for something higher than just sex, when the truth is that women just don't want to get labeled as ''sluts'' which is something that sadly still happens to many women who decide to have casual sex.

 

Yeah that might be the reason, and is a good way of making a distinction between the guys that evolved and grown past all that religious bulls***, and the ones still stuck in cave times.

 

I couldn't care less about if someone calls me a slut, because I really don't care of what other people think of me. My main thing is feeling good about myself and my decisions.

 

The only reason I am giving up on casual sex is because I can't put up with the cave men anymore.

 

And isn't all sex casual anyway? I didn't know you need to wear a suit and tye to have sex.

[snowcones]

I ended a long term relationship a year ago and feel ready to date again.

 

I also decided to give it a try on the casual sex thing whilst I don’t meet the right man for a relationship because, you know, I miss sex.

 

I joined two online dating apps but it seems that all the guys I meet that want casual sex too are all very snake slimey and disrespectful.

 

I mean there’s not one who is honest and open about it.

 

All of them are very emotional unavailable, cold, disrespectful also.

 

I wouldn’t mind to have casual sex, but not like this. To me it can be casual and respectful and even caring for each other.

 

We don’t need to treat each other as objects just because is casual.

 

Is all casual sex like this?

 

 

I believe the type of guys you seek for casual sex do exist but they are rare. And the ones who exist and know how to do it like you've described here are CLEANING UP. They are getting ass left and right.

 

 

Most guys who want casual sex are caveman-like, so you'll have to either be patient and wait for that rare guy, or change your standards and seek something more.

Edited October 28, 2018 by snowcones

[Logo]

I am stating that people are capable of having casual sex and emotions at the same time. There is really nothing preposterous about it. It happens all the time. Emotions does not necessarily equal attachment, does not necessarily equal relationship. You're preposterous.

 

Aww. Are you going to take your ball and go home now? Your green apprentice is already throwing around expletives thinking she’s tough. You both need to keep your hair on.

[Logo]

Yuk. I don’t want to stoop to your level. Stay down there where you belong.

Edited October 29, 2018 by Logo

[guest569]

Then it's not emotional, because if it was emotional it'd become a romantic relationship even if they aren't calling it dating.

 

Hmm nah. Emotion does not mean romantic relationship. It can be a loving friendship including sex. I'm trying to explain that it is not black and white. It's not either robotic, cold and emotionless, or passionate romantic love with a fierce emotional attachment leading to marriage. There are a whole range of scenarios in between.

 

I think you just need to find someone decent and intelligent and respectful but not relationship material. It's definitely possible. Online dating and casual gets a bad wrap but the reality is different. Just be selective and take your time. It takes some effort and some failures to find someone worthy even for casual or a fwb.

 

Are you thinking of a relationship down the track?

[guest569]

Yuk. I don’t want to stoop to your level. Stay down there where you belong.

 

Yeah, you totally succeeded.

[Andy_K]

I believe the type of guys you seek for casual sex do exist but they are rare. And the ones who exist and know how to do it like you've described here are CLEANING UP. They are getting ass left and right.

 

When I've done casual arrangements it works exactly like she's looking for. And you know what happens? Absolutely 100% of the time the girl ends up wanting more. You don't get ass left and right. You upset people left and right, even going in with good intentions and 100% honesty.

 

Now I rarely even look for casual, because dealing with dashing someone's hopes just isn't worth it.

[Newheregirl]

Are you thinking of a relationship down the track?

 

Well I wasn't, but all these experiences with these guys made me realize that maybe I am ready for a serious relationship again and that would be better.

[fromheart]

I ended a long term relationship a year ago and feel ready to date again.

 

I also decided to give it a try on the casual sex thing whilst I don’t meet the right man for a relationship because, you know, I miss sex.

 

I joined two online dating apps but it seems that all the guys I meet that want casual sex too are all very snake slimey and disrespectful.

 

I mean there’s not one who is honest and open about it.

 

All of them are very emotional unavailable, cold, disrespectful also.

 

I wouldn’t mind to have casual sex, but not like this. To me it can be casual and respectful and even caring for each other.

 

We don’t need to treat each other as objects just because is casual.

 

Is all casual sex like this?

 

Not all, but most of the woman IME who want casual sex will objectify. Especially in the internet age, people are reduced to pixels on a screen, and that screen can be changed anytime. Its like a porn site but with real people you meet.

 

Casual sex is a disposable, cold world. You can learn to spot the signs of an A hole early on, but that doesn't change the fact that the core of casual sex, is that the other person is disposable and doesn't mean enough to try for something deeper. Tread with care, and be aware of any consequences to yourself.

 

You already have some hurts from your previous relationship to face, don't led casual sex add to that.

[stillafool]

When I've done casual arrangements it works exactly like she's looking for. And you know what happens? Absolutely 100% of the time the girl ends up wanting more. You don't get ass left and right. You upset people left and right, even going in with good intentions and 100% honesty.

 

Now I rarely even look for casual, because dealing with dashing someone's hopes just isn't worth it.

 

We see this constantly on LS where the woman is always the one to want more and get upset with the guy when it doesn't happen. Why are women fooling themselves that they want no strings sex? The moment it happens they start expecting daily texts and dates. Also why do they go on hook up sites looking for bfs when they know those guys just want to hook up? It's crazy.

[sabaton]

We see this constantly on LS where the woman is always the one to want more and get upset with the guy when it doesn't happen.

This is loveshack. An online forum. It has what, a few thousands of people? How many of those are women?

 

There's 3.5 billion women in the world. There's probably millions of women who are having casual sex right now, and you don't see them coming onto loveshack or other relationship forums to complain about wanting more and then being told no by the men they hooked up with.

 

Even back in college, it wasn't common for girls to date all that much, at 90% females and 10% males, and with the work schedule they had, girls just wanted to have some fun, because relationships take a long of time and emotional investment. Who wants to deal with that when you're studying your eyes off and going on field trips to get good grades?

 

Why are women fooling themselves that they want no strings sex? The moment it happens they start expecting daily texts and dates. Also why do they go on hook up sites looking for bfs when they know those guys just want to hook up? It's crazy.

Because they want no strings sex? I've had women flying from far away Countries to meet me here, knowing that it was just a hook-up, and it was them who just wanted to have fun.

 

I knew a girl who wanted casual sex but because she didn't want to get branded as a ''slut'' she would always reject the men from her city that would approach her, and instead she would have guys flying all over the world to her City to have sex with her during the weekend(s) and then they'd all go about their lives, not pursuing something more long-term. It was she who wanted this arrangment by the way.

 

There are women who indeed get emotionally attached to a guy when having sex, but lets be frank. How many guys are good in bed? How many guys bother making their girlfriends orgasm? Just check the thread on the sexual and reproductive sub about women complaining that the men they got with - including loving boyfriends -just didn't care about their sexual pleasure.

 

Sorry, I ain't seeing women developing romantic feelings over a guy who is as bad at sex as I am at painting the Mona Lisa, and most men aren't good in bed, so..

[stillafool]

Well not just LS. Women I know in real life do this too. There are plenty of men who are good in bed. As you said this is LS so women who complain here about their husbands who are bad in bed or guys who can't get it up are not the majority.

Edited October 29, 2018 by stillafool

[sabaton]

Well not just LS. Women I know in real life do this too. There are plenty of men who are good in bed. As you said this is LS so women who complain here about their husbands who are bad in bed or guys who can't get it up are not the majority.

 

What is the age of the women you know in real life? For thousands of years sex used to be something that was considered to be sacred, something that should only happen between husband and wife(and it still happens in most of the world in any case) and the women who had casual sex were considered to be soiled, rotten, and that they didn't deserve to have a long-term relationship.

 

Many young men are still victims to that outdated and archaic worldview that women have to either be virgins or have as little sexual partners as possible because they don't want to waste time and money and emotions ''on what others had for free '' what a childish way to see a woman's sexuality and this male insecurity and sense of entitlement results in many, many women being sexually frustrated, either rushing into relationships they aren't interested in for the sake of having sex that isn't shamed by society, or they end up developing a cognitive dissonance because they feel their sexual desires are morally wrong and dirty.

 

My grandmother shamed my mother because my mother wasn't a virgin and she felt that my dad, an ''eligible bachelor with so much going for him'' deserved a virgin woman, and it was my mother who approached my father first, who asked him out, and who initiated sex on the first date, and she would have moved on because she was only looking for casual sex at the time - but my fatherwas kinda funny and she gave him a shot.

 

I met many women who were only looking for casual sex. They weren't tricked into sex. They didn't develop romantic feelings over having sex with a guy. That happens mostly when they already had feelings to begin with.

 

Many women tend to do that. They feel that if they have sex with the guy they've been crushing for months that he'll want to date them, and then when it doesn't happen they complain about it.

 

Young women these days(18-25) aren't all seeking relationships and marriage. There's many, many women of those ages who are just looking for a fun time with a guy, and if something evolves from there, sure. But claiming that the majority of women can't have sex without developing feelings. Nah, sorry, I respect your opinion but I ain't seeing that happen with my female friends, with the girls I hooked up with that just wanted me to get them off, and with the guys I met all over the world.

Edited October 29, 2018 by sabaton