Are all casual sex guys like this?

[Newheregirl]

I ended a long term relationship a year ago and feel ready to date again.

 

I also decided to give it a try on the casual sex thing whilst I don’t meet the right man for a relationship because, you know, I miss sex.

 

I joined two online dating apps but it seems that all the guys I meet that want casual sex too are all very snake slimey and disrespectful.

 

I mean there’s not one who is honest and open about it.

 

All of them are very emotional unavailable, cold, disrespectful also.

 

I wouldn’t mind to have casual sex, but not like this. To me it can be casual and respectful and even caring for each other.

 

We don’t need to treat each other as objects just because is casual.

 

Is all casual sex like this?

[PegNosePete]

No, not all, but many. Most women don't want casual sex so in order to get casual sex, many men are dishonest and non-open because otherwise they wouldn't get any.

[Newheregirl]

No, not all, but many. Most women don't want casual sex so in order to get casual sex, many men are dishonest and non-open because otherwise they wouldn't get any.

 

Yes I get it. It just makes me sad and cringe seeing so much dishonesty and slimey behaviours, especially when I’m not like that.

 

The apps I went on are both for dating and hook-ups, so I guess that is a bit of a grey area.

 

Would a casual sex app be more indicated to meet guys more honest about it? Because then is obvious why you are there.

[sabaton]

No, not all, but many. Most women don't want casual sex so in order to get casual sex, many men are dishonest and non-open because otherwise they wouldn't get any.

 

 

What do you mean most women don't want casual sex?

 

 

 

Do you mean you've never wanted casual sex and because of that you assume most women don't want casual sex, or are you taking your belief that most women don't want casual sex from your girlfriends and from studies done on this stuff?

 

 

 

Flashing forward to 2015, Baranowski and Hecht took that study and made a few tweaks. One of which being that the study was held in a nightclub instead of on campus. They found that the results echoed the original study. Baranowski and Hecht concluded that maybe women were less likely to respond positively to pick-ups by strangers because of fear. Fear of sexual assault. Fear of judgement. In a world that so obviously treats women differently than men, women fear that their reputations will be damaged. After all, slut-shaming is most definitely a thing.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/79858-women-want-casual-sex-just-as-much-as-men-study-finds-but-the-way-society-treats

 

 

 

 

If it wasn't for the ''slut'' factor that most women are afraid of being branded with, and the fear of diseases and of potential physical violence done onto them by random male strangers - there would be a LOT more women who'd be interested in one-night stands, and casual sex in general.

 

 

Women are as horny as men are. Now imagine how bad it is in the Countries outside of the western world where women are forced to marry as virgins

 

 

 

 

There are men who are going to be rude, and aren't going to care about the girl's pleasure. And then there will be other guys like me who'll spend hours making sure she has felt as much pleasure as I have. Because it's fun to make women orgasm.

[elaine567]

Sounds like you need a fwb, a fwb who IS actually a friend and not some guy who only wants sex.

 

I guess some men want casual sex as they just want the sex and are not too keen on women or on relationships, hence the bad, disrespectful and cold attitudes observed.

Women who want casual sex can also be still seen as "women of ill repute" to some men and as such women are "worthless", they deserve ill treatment...

 

You are delving in a deep murky pool looking for a diamond...

[Newheregirl]

Sounds like you need a fwb, a fwb who IS actually a friend and not some guy who only wants sex.

 

I guess some men want casual sex as they just want the sex and are not too keen on women or on relationships, hence the bad, disrespectful and cold attitudes observed.

Women who want casual sex can also be still seen as "women of ill repute" to some men and as such women are "worthless", they deserve ill treatment...

 

You are delving in a deep murky pool looking for a diamond...

 

Yeah you must be right.

 

I really couldn’t care less of what anyone else thinks about me or my reputation or worthiness. My worth is with me at all times and I only care about what I think about myself.

 

But you are probably right, some men might think that way, although they are having casual sex as well as the woman.

 

I don’t want a fwb though. We don’t need to be close friends. I just want respect and treat each other with care.

 

Maybe I’m not made for this and I should look for a serious relationship instead.

[sabaton]

Sounds like you need a fwb, a fwb who IS actually a friend and not some guy who only wants sex.

 

I guess some men want casual sex as they just want the sex and are not too keen on women or on relationships, hence the bad, disrespectful and cold attitudes observed.

Women who want casual sex can also be still seen as "women of ill repute" to some men and as such women are "worthless", they deserve ill treatment...

 

You are delving in a deep murky pool looking for a diamond...

 

 

There are many women who report bad sex during their casual sex encounters, but that's because there's a lot of guys that are thirsty as hell and will sleep with just anyone, not just with the women they are attracted to.

 

 

When a guy just wants to get off, he won't really care all that much about making the girl orgasm. That's why random sex with random guys is a gamble. I have a female friend who decided to sleep with a guy because he was bragging about having an 8 inch penis. It turns out that he didn't, but she went ahead with it, and he didn't even bother getting her off.

 

 

There was another female friend of mine that was having casual sex with some dude she met at the beach after we'd all gone for a midnight swim, from the group of Swedish tourists who were camping nearby, and the guy didn't wear a condom and finished all over here, which is something she didn't want. For both situations, but in the heat of the moment.

 

 

Then there are guys like me, who unfortunately were cursed with an average penis and because of the disadvantage we have over other well-endowed men, we took upon ourselves to compensate for it by being extremely sexually attentive, patient and careful.

 

If you want enjoyable casual sex your best bet is to find yourself a friend who is attracted to you as much as you are attracted to him, physically, who cares about you that he wants you to experience as much fun as he's experiencing, and then over time you guys will get sexually atttuned to each otehr and it will feel even better.

Edited October 27, 2018 by sabaton

[sabaton]

I really couldn’t care less of what anyone else thinks about me or my reputation or worthiness. My worth is with me at all times and I only care about what I think about myself.

 

 

And that's awesome of you to be that way. Casual sex is amazing. You don't have to be in a commmitted relationship to enjoy sex, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

 

 

 

Your worth is not based on how many guys you have not slept with, but in how you are as a human being, to yourself and to others.

 

 

People are judgemental because sadly of religion, although we don't have our lives ruled by the Catholic Church anymore in the west, outdated sentiments about human sexuality and the freedom to express it still linger. For example, my grandmother didn't want my father to marry my mother because she had been married already and then divorced(her abusive husband) claiming that my dad deserved a virgin

 

 

 

But you are probably right, some men might think that way, although they are having casual sex as well as the woman.

 

 

Sadly that is true, there are plenty of men who will have sex with a woman they are not attracted to because it's been awhile since the last time they've had sex and they want to get laid.

 

 

I don’t want a fwb though. We don’t need to be close friends. I just want respect and treat each other with care.

 

 

And you deserve that. A FWB doesn't have to be between close friends. Just some guy you know that is safe, emotionally mature and puts as much effort into good, quality sex as you put into it.

 

 

Maybe I’m not made for this and I should look for a serious relationship instead

 

 

Don't force yourself to be in a serious relationship just because you want to have sex. It's not fair to yourself to the guy you end up dating.

[Newheregirl]

There are many women who report bad sex during their casual sex encounters, but that's because there's a lot of guys that are thirsty as hell and will sleep with just anyone, not just with the women they are attracted to.

 

 

When a guy just wants to get off, he won't really care all that much about making the girl orgasm. That's why random sex with random guys is a gamble. I have a female friend who decided to sleep with a guy because he was bragging about having an 8 inch penis. It turns out that he didn't, but she went ahead with it, and he didn't even bother getting her off.

 

 

There was another female friend of mine that was having casual sex with some dude she met at the beach after we'd all gone for a midnight swim, from the group of Swedish tourists who were camping nearby, and the guy didn't wear a condom and finished all over here, which is something she didn't want. For both situations, but in the heat of the moment.

 

 

Then there are guys like me, who unfortunately were cursed with an average penis and because of the disadvantage we have over other well-endowed men, we took upon ourselves to compensate for it by being extremely sexually attentive, patient and careful.

 

If you want enjoyable casual sex your best bet is to find yourself a friend who is attracted to you as much as you are attracted to him, physically, who cares about you that he wants you to experience as much fun as he's experiencing, and then over time you guys will get sexually atttuned to each otehr and it will feel even better.

 

I had a guy not wanting to wear a condom and me having to insist in the middle of having sex (what a turn off), and another one rushing out the door the minute after he got off, telling me lies about going on a date the next day and then never contacting me again.

 

I also had another one telling me he’s not looking for just casual sex, that he likes to see if something more serious can happen, but then only talks about sex all the time.

 

It’s all this kind of behaviours I don’t get it. Integrity and honesty is not something that is reserved for serious relationships!

 

That friend you mention I don’t want that either. Better be in a relationship then.

[sabaton]

I had a guy not wanting to wear a condom and me having to insist in the middle of having sex (what a turn off),

 

 

I'm sorry that it happened to you.

 

 

 

I'll never understand how guys can want casual sex so much and still do everything to keep themselves from having it, either by being rude, cold, by not fulfilling the expectations the girl has for the encounter, and by not wearing a condom.

 

 

 

 

 

and another one rushing out the door the minute after he got off, telling me lies about going on a date the next day and then never contacting me again.

 

 

Jesus. I don't even know what to say other than that guy is a douchebag and that I hope you never met that guy again. You deserve someone a lot better than that, and you deserve to be treated with all of the respect in the world.

 

 

I also had another one telling me he’s not looking for just casual sex, that he likes to see if something more serious can happen, but then only talks about sex all the time.

 

 

Yeah, many guys do that because that's how they learned how to get casual sex. They tell women who are interested in long-term relationships that are also looking for the same, but in fact they're looking for some quick sex.

 

 

It’s all this kind of behaviours I don’t get it. Integrity and honesty is not something that is reserved for serious relationships!

 

 

I completely agree with you there. Sex is beautiful and it should never be demeaned and treated like something shameful by the behavior that many guys display when they go about getting it.

[Newheregirl]

I'm sorry that it happened to you.

 

 

 

I'll never understand how guys can want casual sex so much and still do everything to keep themselves from having it, either by being rude, cold, by not fulfilling the expectations the girl has for the encounter, and by not wearing a condom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus. I don't even know what to say other than that guy is a douchebag and that I hope you never met that guy again. You deserve someone a lot better than that, and you deserve to be treated with all of the respect in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, many guys do that because that's how they learned how to get casual sex. They tell women who are interested in long-term relationships that are also looking for the same, but in fact they're looking for some quick sex.

 

 

 

 

 

I completely agree with you there. Sex is beautiful and it should never be demeaned and treated like something shameful by the behavior that many guys display when they go about getting it.

 

Agree with you. The problem is not the sex, it’s how these guys are.

 

I think most of these men are emotional unavailable and broken, either by past relationships or maybe even from their childhood.

 

Maybe there are guys who want casual sex AND are honest and open. I talked to many guys on those dating apps and never met any that are.

 

My experience has always been with the slimey and f***boys out there who lie and other things.

 

Perhaps this casual sex thing is not for me. Too much hassle for sex. Better get new sex toys.

[smackie9]

What you describe is a relationship....caring and respect goes hand in hand with a relaitonship... that's how you are going to get what you want and need. It involves feelings.

 

 

Now if you changed your perspective and look at sex as just sex, then casual will be a simple solution. No one is getting used here if two people's goal is to get off.

[2much4]

I had the same experience as you, especially with online dating. It can be really scary at times. I don't think this is really about casual sex, they are just generally crappy human beings....and in a casual sex situation they think they can show their true selves.

 

I do not agree that casual sex and respect are mutually exlussive. It's not because you met online that you're automatically agreeing to sex without a condom, being slapped around, roughed up and talked to like a dog. A lot of guys seem to think this is what casual sex is about.

 

Upside is, you can spot those guys pretty easily. Listen to your Intuition. There's always some respectful guys, you just have to search for them.

[pandagirl2018]

I had the same experience as you, especially with online dating. It can be really scary at times. I don't think this is really about casual sex, they are just generally crappy human beings....and in a casual sex situation they think they can show their true selves.

 

I do not agree that casual sex and respect are mutually exlussive. It's not because you met online that you're automatically agreeing to sex without a condom, being slapped around, roughed up and talked to like a dog. A lot of guys seem to think this is what casual sex is about.

 

Upside is, you can spot those guys pretty easily. Listen to your Intuition. There's always some respectful guys, you just have to search for them.

 

I used to think this was about the sex, but it is not, you're right, it's all about how these guys are and thinking that in a casual sex situation they can show their true colours.

 

Yes these guys are easy to spot because they're the type of guys who do little to no effort and tell very little about themselves, or ask much about you. Because they just don't care.

 

In reality I do want a serious relationship and find "the one", so I guess this is me being done with the casual sex experiment. It ends here.

[grays]

I think I just fell in love w sabaton.

 

I’ve met several guys online that turned into fwb and true friends. One I’ve been seeing on average once a month for 3 1/2 years. He’s definitely in the fwb zone, but we’re really close. Sometimes he comes over and we stay up all night talking and crash out w no sex. I make sure I get it in the morning though! I’m more about the sex than he is.

[Newheregirl]

I think I just fell in love w sabaton.

 

I’ve met several guys online that turned into fwb and true friends. One I’ve been seeing on average once a month for 3 1/2 years. He’s definitely in the fwb zone, but we’re really close. Sometimes he comes over and we stay up all night talking and crash out w no sex. I make sure I get it in the morning though! I’m more about the sex than he is.

 

In which online dating app did you meet them?

[guest569]

I think you need to be pickier, even if it's just a casual thing. You have to find guys that don't want a relationship but are happy to actually get to know you a little, make some small talk, buy you a drink, look you in the eye, have an amazing romp, snuggle and then leave. I think that a specific site for hookups is bound to have a lot of creeps on it. Nothing dries me up faster than a first message such as

 

DTF?

Heeeey, looking for some fun?

Straight up, fwb?

 

You have to be friends before you can have benefits. And asking straight jl is just weird and it's of course disrespectful because it means they don't give a crap who you are and will just use you as an object, of course.

[Logo]

All of them are very emotional unavailable, cold, disrespectful also.

 

 

 

I don't see how you expect to have casual sex with someone and still expect them to be emotionally available, and emotionally warm.

 

Some might be respectful, sure. But casual sex and emotions don't exactly mix.

 

The closest thing that comes to mind is a friend with benefits. But even then you can't really expect him to be emotionally available.

 

 

It sounds like you want the perks of a relationship without the responsibility or commitment.

[guest569]

I don't see how you expect to have casual sex with someone and still expect them to be emotionally available, and emotionally warm.

 

Some might be respectful, sure. But casual sex and emotions don't exactly mix.

 

The closest thing that comes to mind is a friend with benefits. But even then you can't really expect him to be emotionally available.

 

 

It sounds like you want the perks of a relationship without the responsibility or commitment.

 

See I don't understand that. Sex as some cold emotionless act? Casual sex does not have to be cold and robotic. You can express emotions to a fellow driver who has cut you off in traffic, but you can't express emotion to someone you're having sex with. Give me a break.

 

Emotions does not equal commitment. Screaming out in climactic ecstasy seems like an expression of emotion to me.

[grays]

I wouldn’t want to have a fwb who wasn’t emotionally available or warm. I recently had sex a few times with a guy who wasn’t warm and available enough for me. He was fun to hang out with and fun to ****. I liked him. But I’d rather spend my time with someone who cuddles. I need that. Next!

[grays]

We can make our own rules. It’s not like there’s a formula you have to follow. Do you! Get what you need. And hopefully the person that you’re with will also get what they need. It’s quite possible to do that without a convenational romantic relationship.

[stillafool]

See I don't understand that. Sex as some cold emotionless act? Casual sex does not have to be cold and robotic. You can express emotions to a fellow driver who has cut you off in traffic, but you can't express emotion to someone you're having sex with. Give me a break.

 

Emotions does not equal commitment. Screaming out in climactic ecstasy seems like an expression of emotion to me.

 

No casual sex is hot and heavy with no inhibitions. That's what these guys think they are getting when they meet women that only want casual sex on a hook up site. It's pretty clear to me. They know the woman is as horny as they are.

[rightondude]

next time try telling the guy he has to get you off before he does. I bet he'll at least try harder.

[phineas]

Yes I get it. It just makes me sad and cringe seeing so much dishonesty and slimey behaviours, especially when I’m not like that.

 

The apps I went on are both for dating and hook-ups, so I guess that is a bit of a grey area.

 

Would a casual sex app be more indicated to meet guys more honest about it? Because then is obvious why you are there.

 

 

Sup'

I treat most FWB's better than their last BF.

Make sure they are satisfied.

Cuddle

make breakfast. providing the earned it.

Talk to them.

 

you gotta understand, lot of thirsty guys out there who don't consider the friend aspect of FWB's.

 

gotta weed them out.

[Newheregirl]

See I don't understand that. Sex as some cold emotionless act? Casual sex does not have to be cold and robotic. You can express emotions to a fellow driver who has cut you off in traffic, but you can't express emotion to someone you're having sex with. Give me a break.

 

Emotions does not equal commitment. Screaming out in climactic ecstasy seems like an expression of emotion to me.

 

100% AGREE!

 

Emotions are part of who we are as human beings. We are ALWAYS feeling emotions all the time in everything you do.

 

People that can separate sex from emotions are just people that ignore their emotions and what they feel aka emotionally unavailable.

 

It doesn't surprise me they don't give a s*** to the person they're having sex with, since they ignore their own emotions, so it's normal to ignore the other person too.

 

I agree that you CAN have casual sex and FEEL emotions. Truly like the other person. That doesn't mean you want to be in a relationship with them or have any other expectations.

 

You can acknowledge someone is great for a casual thing but is not compatible for a serious relationship. But you can still feel emotions, because you are... you know... alive.