deesw8 Posted October 27, 2018 Posted October 27, 2018 I have some feelings for my TA, and I have a sense he does too, from the way he tends to expand a lot on my comments in class and throw in teases here and there, which he doesn't do to others. I caught his glance a couple times, and as a woman I do feel a spark, especially after I ran into him once and asked him a simple question his face seemed like kind blushed. He is quite interesting person and nice, but I'm not desperate though, I just kind of one day spontaneously felt something different after he talked to me and developed sort of a crush which I can hide. He seems to be careful about such things and so far he hasn't really hit on me yet. I guess I can always wait til the class is over and see if something would happen. But now I'm in an awkward spot where I'm not sure whether to go talk to him and how often in office hour, etc, cuz I'm afraid I will show my emotions or be tempted. Anyway, What would be a good way to handle this?
snowboy91 Posted October 27, 2018 Posted October 27, 2018 (edited) I work as a TA myself. To show any romantic interest in a student, or in fact any form of preferential treatment is really unprofessional and can be viewed as harrassment, and can cost a TA their job which they strongly depend on just to keep a roof over their heads. Despite the fact that ages are a lot closer than if it were, for example, a teacher/student situation, the power dynamic is still present. That being said, teachers/TAs and students have ended up in relationships. Ultimately the TA and the student are adults, and are in theory capable of making these decisions so you can't really stop them. If I was single I would never get in a relationship with any student due to what I feel is a large age gap, however I often meet my students outside the classroom as they have ended up friends with my friends, and we end up at events together. Anyway my suggestion is the same as the rules I've set for myself. I will behave professionally until after the course/unit is finished, and if a student wishes to pursue a friendship after that, then it is OK since the power dynamic no longer exists. In your case I would suggest getting in contact after the course is finished, at that point neither of you have anything to lose. But YOU have to make the effort. He is not going to make a move because it's far too risky for him. Imagine how it is from his perspective... going out of his way to contact a single one of his former students. Not a good look. Edited October 27, 2018 by snowboy91
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2018 Posted October 27, 2018 Do nothing. It would be inappropriate for a TA to get involved with a student. If you genuinely like him don't put him in a situation that will cost him his job. Next semester you can come & find him IF this class is not in your major. If you will never have a possibility he could be your TA, make a move after the class is over. Otherwise you have to wait until you graduate.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 If you are really interested in him, then next term do NOT enroll in a class with him. TA's can get fired ... and in this #metoo period ... will get fired for dating someone while you're teaching them. So ... if you're interested ... wait til you don't have him as a TA any longer, then go visit him for office hours or say hi ... and see if he takes the bait. As long as he's not teaching you (and thus can't "punish" you if the relationship doesn't work out), it's not considered sexual harassment. So he's probably going to be cautious ... so in this case, you might need to take the first steps to invite him for coffee or fake visit him next term with a phony question ... but really get into a good conversation with him ... and see if he asks you out. You might need to throw the hint: "we should get together sometime." Just to reiterate, he should have NO, zero, none ... no supervisory or grading authority over you ... and shouldn't write you a recommendation for anything, for example ... So get clear of all that and then you're free to disclose your interest. I was a TA ... and I once liked a student ... and I waited until after I had submitted grades to go out with her. (Didn't work out btw). You can talk to him all you want right now ... just do NOT touch him or let him touch you ... and do NOT go out on a date with him ... Don't meet him outside office hours ...
Author deesw8 Posted November 3, 2018 Author Posted November 3, 2018 If you are really interested in him, then next term do NOT enroll in a class with him. TA's can get fired ... and in this #metoo period ... will get fired for dating someone while you're teaching them. So ... if you're interested ... wait til you don't have him as a TA any longer, then go visit him for office hours or say hi ... and see if he takes the bait. As long as he's not teaching you (and thus can't "punish" you if the relationship doesn't work out), it's not considered sexual harassment. So he's probably going to be cautious ... so in this case, you might need to take the first steps to invite him for coffee or fake visit him next term with a phony question ... but really get into a good conversation with him ... and see if he asks you out. You might need to throw the hint: "we should get together sometime." Just to reiterate, he should have NO, zero, none ... no supervisory or grading authority over you ... and shouldn't write you a recommendation for anything, for example ... So get clear of all that and then you're free to disclose your interest. I was a TA ... and I once liked a student ... and I waited until after I had submitted grades to go out with her. (Didn't work out btw). You can talk to him all you want right now ... just do NOT touch him or let him touch you ... and do NOT go out on a date with him ... Don't meet him outside office hours ... Hey, thanks for the advice, I guess i have to control my emotion now, which i am trying. In fact, something interesting happened just the other day, like i said i tried my best to be composed and near the end of the class i asked him in person a couple questions, in a calm voice, i definitely could feel it was awkward, the way he talked to me was different from the two previous students, and he sounded different than how he was with me a week ago. He kinda messed up his answers too, and quieter than usual. I felt awkward but tried not to show it. It was this awkward moment throughout the whole thing. But he didn't try to be super friendly or anything, just tried to answered like a normal ta would. Now, I am thinking, should I just keep it at this level and endure the awkwardness?
Recommended Posts