max3732 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 There's someone I've known for a few years that I finally got the courage to ask out right before she moved away but she's been back where I am for a few months every year. We had a great 1st date that lasted longer than I think either of us expected and I brought up going somewhere that she might be interested and she agreed it sounded good, but I know she also has a bunch of other interests so I was thinking maybe giving her options. When I invite her does it have to be like "do you want to meet at X at 11am Saturday" or can I say "would you like to get together Saturday. Maybe we could meet at X in the afternoon or go out and do Y in the evening?" If I do that does it make me sound indecisive? What about suggesting different dates? Will that make it sound like I don't have anything else going on? I actually have a few OLD prospects, but I'd rather spend time with someone I know is real and I have good chemistry with than another random person online.
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Either works. Giving her choices between 1-3 options is fine. Leaving it totally open-ended for her to plan is not great.
Sunlight72 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Just offer her one specific thing, at one specific time. Remember - it's really not a huge deal where you go or what you do. What makes it nice is that you two can be together, and spend time talking while doing something casual. As you go further on, if it becomes a real relationship you can make some of the dates more elaborate. When you start doing that, make them fun for you as well as for her, so that she can also learn what you enjoy.
kendahke Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Be specific--have your plan set up and execute it.
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 If she can't make it, offer another time...if she is really interested she would offer a time she would be available....if you get the song and dance, it's pretty much a negatory
Grey40 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 If you give women a bunch of choices she’s 9/10 times going to throw it back to you and say “what do you think?” In general, especially when it comes to the beginning stages of dating, they don’t want to have make those decisions. If she really doesn’t want to do what you’re suggesting (but wants to see you) she’ll suggest something else. Like others have said, don’t make it too extravagant or niche until you both know each other more. Keep it Simple—drinks or dinner at a place. Women Definitley appreciate a guy who has a plan and sticks to it. It shows that he has himself together and is putting in effort. You’ll also stand out from 90% of men because most guys ask girls “what do you want to do?” Or they do the whole “I’m gonna be at X tonight you should come meet Me”
guest569 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 I dated a guy recently who would just say "what do you want to do?" ugh. I think it's awesome that you're thinking of her and her interests. She will appreciate it I'm sure. Also, think of yourself too. I would go with suggesting one option at a specific time. What do you have in mind?
Author max3732 Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 I dated a guy recently who would just say "what do you want to do?" ugh. I think it's awesome that you're thinking of her and her interests. She will appreciate it I'm sure. Also, think of yourself too. I would go with suggesting one option at a specific time. What do you have in mind? Well she's really into plants and animals and there's a garden that she's never been to that I think she'd really enjoy. That's what I asked her about and she said it sounded fun. The thing is it would only be doable for her on the weekends due to traffic, but it may be harder to get her to give up a big chunk of her weekend for me.
alphamale Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Well she's really into plants and animals and there's a garden that she's never been to that I think she'd really enjoy. That's what I asked her about and she said it sounded fun. The thing is it would only be doable for her on the weekends due to traffic, but it may be harder to get her to give up a big chunk of her weekend for me. why don't you ask her out to a nice middle of the road restaurant on Friday night at 7:30pm?
guest569 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Well she's really into plants and animals and there's a garden that she's never been to that I think she'd really enjoy. That's what I asked her about and she said it sounded fun. The thing is it would only be doable for her on the weekends due to traffic, but it may be harder to get her to give up a big chunk of her weekend for me. How far/how long would she have to go in traffic? I think it sounds like a beautiful idea for a second date.
introverted1 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Well she's really into plants and animals and there's a garden that she's never been to that I think she'd really enjoy. That's what I asked her about and she said it sounded fun. The thing is it would only be doable for her on the weekends due to traffic, but it may be harder to get her to give up a big chunk of her weekend for me. I like the sound of this a lot. It would definitely interest me more than dinner and a movie or some more mundane type of date. Go for it! Worst case, she says it's too far and you do something else.
guest569 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Another thing is.. If this weekend that's OK but you don't want to leave it too long if it is next weekend that would be a couple of weeks between dates?
Author max3732 Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 Another thing is.. If this weekend that's OK but you don't want to leave it too long if it is next weekend that would be a couple of weeks between dates? I'm traveling so I wouldn't be able to do it until next weekend. There are plenty of things I could text her about if it's good to stay in contact. If that makes sense when should I ask her? Is it too far in advance to invite her more than a week before?
guest569 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 I'm traveling so I wouldn't be able to do it until next weekend. There are plenty of things I could text her about if it's good to stay in contact. If that makes sense when should I ask her? Is it too far in advance to invite her more than a week before? Ahh, you're going to be away. Next weekend sounds OK. Will you be around during the week? Im curious about the chunk of day, will she have to travel far, and are you expecting it to take a whole day, half day, a few hours?
Lotsgoingon Posted October 27, 2018 Posted October 27, 2018 When I invite her does it have to be like "do you want to meet at X at 11am Saturday" or can I say "would you like to get together Saturday. Maybe we could meet at X in the afternoon or go out and do Y in the evening?" If I do that does it make me sound indecisive? What about suggesting different dates? Will that make it sound like I don't have anything else going on? I actually have a few OLD prospects, but I'd rather spend time with someone I know is real and I have good chemistry with than another random person online. You could work either way. You can, if you want, first find a day and time she can commit to ... and get her to agree to that ... and then nail down details on where to go ... Or you can pick a place or activity first ... and then see when she can do that. Make sure to not just please her with the activity but to actually pick something YOU really like. Picking something that truly interests YOU (and is also ok with her) makes it so much easier to show life and enthusiasm and not simply be reacting to her every mood. It's a way of you showing up for yourself as well as for her ... as opposed to fitting yourself around her ... which is not good.
Author max3732 Posted October 27, 2018 Author Posted October 27, 2018 Ahh, you're going to be away. Next weekend sounds OK. Will you be around during the week? Im curious about the chunk of day, will she have to travel far, and are you expecting it to take a whole day, half day, a few hours? No, I won't be around during the week. With driving time it would take about half a day.
guest569 Posted October 27, 2018 Posted October 27, 2018 I mean you have known her a few years right? So would you feel comfortable spending a half day together do you think? I think it sounds good. You're kinda ignoring my questions so I'm done here. Good luck
Author max3732 Posted October 27, 2018 Author Posted October 27, 2018 I mean you have known her a few years right? So would you feel comfortable spending a half day together do you think? I think it sounds good. You're kinda ignoring my questions so I'm done here. Good luck Yes, off and on for a few years. What questions am I ignoring?
Author max3732 Posted October 27, 2018 Author Posted October 27, 2018 Also, how far in advance should I ask her?
alphamale Posted October 27, 2018 Posted October 27, 2018 Also, how far in advance should I ask her? around 7-10 days
Lotsgoingon Posted October 27, 2018 Posted October 27, 2018 around 7-10 days Wow Alpha, great answer. This is one of those unwritten social rules, which are so easy to take for granted and sometimes hard to be precise about if you don't have an instinctual gut feeling. So I had no number of days ahead of time in my head when I saw OP's question about how far ahead to ask someone out ... But as soon as I read your answer and thought about it, my brain, "yeah, that's right. About 7 to 10 days!" Brilliant! 1
Author max3732 Posted October 27, 2018 Author Posted October 27, 2018 You could work either way. You can, if you want, first find a day and time she can commit to ... and get her to agree to that ... and then nail down details on where to go ... Or you can pick a place or activity first ... and then see when she can do that. Make sure to not just please her with the activity but to actually pick something YOU really like. Picking something that truly interests YOU (and is also ok with her) makes it so much easier to show life and enthusiasm and not simply be reacting to her every mood. It's a way of you showing up for yourself as well as for her ... as opposed to fitting yourself around her ... which is not good. That's good advice. I've tried going to places I don't like with women before and it hasn't gone well. What I'm suggesting here I'm actually interested in. 1
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