readynow Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Been seeing him for 4 months - we're both mid 40s. He works away so we only see each other once in 2 weeks He made all the effort to visit regularly, buying presents, texting, calling, saying lovely things, attentive etc A month ago, he pays for flight tickets for us to go out of town in a few weeks - tickets are with me As the relationship progressed, I started texting him, expressing my feelings, saying I can't wait to be with him on holiday etc He expressed he would want to get married again not too long from now - I would usually say to take it slow. About 4 weeks ago, he started saying my feelings are 'too intense', taking offense at jokes, telling me to 'get over it' when something difficult happened - not very nice really. Very different from how he was in the beginning. 2 weeks ago, still saying he's looking forward to our holiday but reduced texts, calls etc, not very personal conversations. This morning, he says he doesn't think we should go on holiday together and that he thinks my feelings are overwhelming him and for us to end the relationship. He said he's sorry and I can take anyone I want on holiday with the tickets. * I've only said I'm thinking of him, or miss him and stuff someone in love would say when their loved one is away * I hardly ever initiate phone calls or text because he is busy. I always reply happily to his texts. I've called him maybe once ever. * I always show appreciation when he does something for me. My question is - What would make a man invest so much time and energy and then turn right round and break up? I don't want him back and going no contact. He showed signs of qualities I would have been uncomfortable with. I still miss him I confess. But what do you think could have happened? Was it something I did? I'm the least needy person I know. Genuinely curious. * It's nice to be back!
hippychick3 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Been seeing him for 4 months - we're both mid 40s. He works away so we only see each other once in 2 weeks He made all the effort to visit regularly, buying presents, texting, calling, saying lovely things, attentive etc A month ago, he pays for flight tickets for us to go out of town in a few weeks - tickets are with me As the relationship progressed, I started texting him, expressing my feelings, saying I can't wait to be with him on holiday etc He expressed he would want to get married again not too long from now - I would usually say to take it slow. About 4 weeks ago, he started saying my feelings are 'too intense', taking offense at jokes, telling me to 'get over it' when something difficult happened - not very nice really. Very different from how he was in the beginning. 2 weeks ago, still saying he's looking forward to our holiday but reduced texts, calls etc, not very personal conversations. This morning, he says he doesn't think we should go on holiday together and that he thinks my feelings are overwhelming him and for us to end the relationship. He said he's sorry and I can take anyone I want on holiday with the tickets. * I've only said I'm thinking of him, or miss him and stuff someone in love would say when their loved one is away * I hardly ever initiate phone calls or text because he is busy. I always reply happily to his texts. I've called him maybe once ever. * I always show appreciation when he does something for me. My question is - What would make a man invest so much time and energy and then turn right round and break up? I don't want him back and going no contact. He showed signs of qualities I would have been uncomfortable with. I still miss him I confess. But what do you think could have happened? Was it something I did? I'm the least needy person I know. Genuinely curious. * It's nice to be back! If he was only seeing you once every 2 weeks, I would say he was not really investing much time and energy into the relationship. I don't think you did anything wrong at all. I believe nothing you would have done differently would have changed the outcome. This is a man who despite the initial "love bombing" was not attached or invested. I suspect he was seeing others and met someone else around 4 weeks ago when his demeanor changed.
stillafool Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 I agree. He met someone new and then didn't want to hear your love talk because he was no longer feeling you. Enjoy your trip. I hope you take some fun friends and have a good time.
PegNosePete Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 He showed signs of qualities I would have been uncomfortable with. You've only been together 4 months. And seeing each other every 2 weeks. You hardly even knew each other and he's already showing bad signs. Time to bail! But what do you think could have happened? Was it something I did? Who knows? More likely he revealed his true colours and you didn't react how he wanted you to react. That's not a bad thing, you did nothing bad, but he wanted something different. You're just not a match and it's better to find out sooner rather than later. Send the tickets back. If you use them you will be thinking of him all the time you're away. 1
Author readynow Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 Wow, thanks guys. He is a really busy guy with work but he managed to plan dates and put lots in place. Then there's holiday he's paid for, dates he would pay for etc - which is why I thought he was investing a lot. It's true what some said about love bombing - he was over the top with compliments in the beginning and I had to bring it to his attention. Like most have said, he probably met someone else and just found a way to end it with me. Oh well. Onwards and upwards!
ExpatInItaly Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 I don't think it anything you did or didn't do, OP. He wanted out for other reasons and staged his exit by turning it around on you. I also would suspect he's met someone else. 1
Author readynow Posted October 29, 2018 Author Posted October 29, 2018 I guess you're right. It just confuses me when he told me a week before that he was falling in love with me and couldn't wait for us to have the time away. It kinda hurts actually. And now, I'll never see him again. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
CardsFan01 Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 Use the tickets. If he bought them for someone he had only seen 6 times, he’s an idiot. Take another guy with you, and make sure he knows he paid for some other guy to go on a trip with you.
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