Did he knowingly give me a STD?

[guest569]

To grays and others who don't reveal your known STD to new partners, I'm really stunned and disappointed to hear that. You should be disclosing HSV 1 to every new partner. Not everyone has HSV 1 or 2. I've been tested for it many times (before/after relationships) and do not have it and don't want it. I'm pissed off to think you are knowingly keeping that information from sexual partners.

 

Hear, hear.

 

I'm really appalled by people who would deliberately hide this from their partner/s, and people who kiss their partner while having a cold sore. Not okay.

[XForeverstardust]

I’m sorry you’re feeling scared of HIV. That’s a crappy feeling. As a mom-aged person, I wanna put my arm around you and tell you everything is gonna be okay. It really is. Im100% sure this is not HIV.

 

 

Thank you! I was just eiffy cause I had all those symptoms but was told it was not a flu. However I learnt that flu-like symptoms appear when someone experiences HSV and mono for the first time

[XForeverstardust]

Hear, hear.

 

I'm really appalled by people who would deliberately hide this from their partner/s, and people who kiss their partner while having a cold sore. Not okay.

 

 

 

 

Just because statistically a lot of people have it does not give you the right to knowingly spread the incurable life long disease. Some people will end up having a more severe reaction to it and others may end up having it lay dormant for life. Either way, you should not knowingly put someone at risk. If you do test positive for herpes, telling previous and future partners is the responsible thing to do.

[XForeverstardust]

Yikes that's terrifying... When was your last encounter with him? No point to try testing unless it was few months ago, you'd never now is it negative or false negative...

 

You learned your lesson hopefully not on too high price. From here on keeping clothes on until sure the guy is not sleeping around type is your best bet... Much better than pacifyng with tests (not saying tests are ad, but I wrote above why they are telling you part of the truth at best)..

 

 

So you can only test for herpes when their is an active session (i.e. outbreak)?

 

The mouth ulcers appeared a little over a month ago but I shook it off at the time. And last sexual encounter with him was over 3 weeks ago. We ended things 2 weeks ago.

[XForeverstardust]

My mother has cold sores from a relative kissing her as a child and she has always been super careful not to pass it on. Certainly never kissed anyone while she had a cold sore. I'm sorry you're going through this and waiting for the results must be a very stressful time.

 

 

Your mother is a good person!

 

It's so obvious this guy knew about it the whole time. It's common sense at this point.

 

Strong case of evidence:

1. He told me it was no big deal because 67% of the population has it. He told me that I should not let it impact my future love life because it's nothing serious because "it is a common thing many people have." The fact that he even says that shows he wasn't even actually surprised

 

2. Instead of reassuring me, he starts to ignore everything I have to say (this is the same guy who hates to be left on read

 

3. The night I confronted him about it he claimed he went to the doctors and did a blood test and I told him my family doctor says it HSV. To that he said "well doctors have different opinions, so lets both take a blood test to know 100% what it is"

The next morning I explain my HIV scare to him and he tells me: "This is not hiv, its hsv, which is not dangerous, and it was not intentional and what you have is hsv and it is not even confirmed that it is me who has it"

- Based on this statement alone: Sounds like he knew from the fact that when I mentioned my symptoms and said it might be something, he corrected me and said it was something else. Sounds like he straight knew but just didn't want to come clean. Him saying "let me get get tested" is BS

Edited October 28, 2018 by XForeverstardust

[XForeverstardust]

Your mother is a good person!

 

It's so obvious this guy knew about it the whole time. It's common sense at this point.

 

Strong case of evidence:

1. He told me it was no big deal because 67% of the population has it. He told me that I should not let it impact my future love life because it's nothing serious because "it is a common thing many people have." The fact that he even says that shows he wasn't even actually surprised

 

2. Instead of reassuring me, he starts to ignore everything I have to say (this is the same guy who hates to be left on read

 

3. The night I confronted him about it he claimed he went to the doctors and did a blood test and I told him my family doctor says it HSV. To that he said "well doctors have different opinions, so lets both take a blood test to know 100% what it is"

The next morning I explain my HIV scare to him and he tells me: "This is not hiv, its hsv, which is not dangerous, and it was not intentional and what you have is hsv and it is not even confirmed that it is me who has it"

- Based on this statement alone: Sounds like he knew from the fact that when I mentioned my symptoms and said it might be something, he corrected me and said it was something else. Sounds like he straight knew but just didn't want to come clean. Him saying "let me get get tested" is BS

 

 

For the people who say it's probably not him who gave it, although I can not say for certain. There is however a very high chance, given the facts that it was indeed transmitted through him.

1. It appears during the very short incubation period of 1-26 days when I made out with him and performed oral on ONLY him

 

2. Direct contact with infected secretions or mucous membranes/skin with lesions from an asymptomatic or symptomatic patients shedding the virus, is the main mode of transmission of HSV (mentioned above, he probably knew)

 

3. I never experienced anything like this before and my mom said she had never seen me go through it as a child, my mom is one to quickly recognize things. Also given the fact that I experienced flu-like symptoms (confirmed not to be a flu) right before the sores appeared is indicating that it was indeed the first episode since it is the most severe one.

 

4. The time I was seeing him, I spent a lot of the time alone at home and hardly went outside. I have (including in public or at home) washed my hands with soap and sanitized them right before every meal! I am also one to keep a distance from sick people (learned through a friend at a young age). Highly unluckily (99% chance) I obtained it through contact from a surface or a person standing close to me (no skin to skin contact) especially given that the most common way of transmission is during an active lesion session.

[No_Go]

Thank you! I was just eiffy cause I had all those symptoms but was told it was not a flu. However I learnt that flu-like symptoms appear when someone experiences HSV and mono for the first time

 

Are you sure it is HSV-1? Sounds like HSV-2 with flu-like symptoms...

 

Mono's virus, EBV, you better not have, it is nasty.... Not going into details not to scare you, but is a type of infection you don't want....

[No_Go]

So you can only test for herpes when their is an active session (i.e. outbreak)?

 

The mouth ulcers appeared a little over a month ago but I shook it off at the time. And last sexual encounter with him was over 3 weeks ago. We ended things 2 weeks ago.

 

For HSV - no, to my knowledge.

 

For HIV: sooner than 4 weeks testing is meaningless. Some tests may say otherwise but will still leave you hanging (negative could be false negative). Waiting must be excruciating but on the bright side, it will give you lesson for life

[XForeverstardust]

Are you sure it is HSV-1? Sounds like HSV-2 with flu-like symptoms...

 

Mono's virus, EBV, you better not have, it is nasty.... Not going into details not to scare you, but is a type of infection you don't want....

 

 

HSV2 can give lesions on the mouth?

I had nothing on my genitals

[XForeverstardust]

For HSV - no, to my knowledge.

 

For HIV: sooner than 4 weeks testing is meaningless. Some tests may say otherwise but will still leave you hanging (negative could be false negative). Waiting must be excruciating but on the bright side, it will give you lesson for life

 

 

Wait! Can you get HIV from oral?

Since it is only transmitted through bodily fluids and he didn't cum inside my vagina and my ex always pulled out so no semen got in. Is HIV even possible?

[XForeverstardust]

HSV2 can give lesions on the mouth?

I had nothing on my genitals

 

 

Oh ****, apparently it can!

"Both HSV1 and HSV2 can occur in either the oral or genital regions, but having one form of the herpes simplex virus does not mean you will get the other."

"However, as the mouth is lined with mucous membranes, it is still possible to transmit the HSV2 virus through oral sex. If a person is infected with HSV2 in the genital area and the virus comes into contact with mucous membranes in another person's mouth, it may enter the nervous system and cause oral herpes."

"In up to 80 percent of people, an outbreak is preceded by flu-like symptoms. Flu-like symptoms that herald the onset of a herpes outbreak include fever, headache, muscle pain and malaise." I had mouth pain about 3 days after the flu-like symptoms began and the day after I looked into my mouth and noticed the lesions and immediately thought "omg it looks like herpes (as I had to research the herpes lesions before)"

Edited October 28, 2018 by XForeverstardust

[No_Go]

Wait! Can you get HIV from oral?

Since it is only transmitted through bodily fluids and he didn't cum inside my vagina and my ex always pulled out so no semen got in. Is HIV even possible?

 

Very low risk.

 

But one thing I was wondering: your lesions were IN your mouth? Usually they are on the lips from what I’ve seen...

[Kelliousme]

To grays and others who don't reveal your known STD to new partners, I'm really stunned and disappointed to hear that. You should be disclosing HSV 1 to every new partner. Not everyone has HSV 1 or 2. I've been tested for it many times (before/after relationships) and do not have it and don't want it. I'm pissed off to think you are knowingly keeping that information from sexual partners. My ex-husband has it (and obviously I never got it from him) but he absolutely disclosed it when we first got together many years ago. It didn't keep me from being with him but I certainly appreciated his honesty. Can't say the same for those here who don't disclose it.

 

ALWAYS ALWAYS reveal STD to new partners. STD is dangerous. And I'm sure 99% of the people would stay away from those with STD. Who the hell wants Gonorrhea or HIV. But guys.. we're freaking talking about Herpes. It's so common that it's not included in STD panel. Also, does that mean every potential partner you meet, if they have HSV you're going to shut them out? Even when 50-80% of the population has it? If OP's ex partner did have open lesions at the time they were being sexual and he didn't tell her about it, then yeah he's an *******. But honestly I would never kiss someone with cold sores.

 

Since I don't think OP is 100% sure he had lesions though, OP could have gotten HSV from another person and it was dormant this entire time. She WAS involved with other men prior. There are so many possibilities of what happened. There might also be a chance that she just simply got sick and because her immune system is weak right now, she's getting cold sores. We're all just speculating and not focused on the main problem. For HIV, we won't know until she gets tested. Might as well get tested for all the STD's in case her ex partner is holding onto other information about himself.

 

Like I said, since you're getting cold sore outbreaks now and you've dumped the guy, consider taking Lysine and Vitamin B supplements. Cold sores suck.

[Purrrfect]

I also caught genital HSV when I was 25. It sucks. The guy I think gave it to me was a liar and a cheater and I’m more than sure he gave it to me even though he denied it I can tell you he had no lessions at the time anywhere.

 

I’m 46 now and I don’t think I’ve given it to anyone as I rarely break out. My ex Hub knew about it and I don’t think he ever caught it. I had a booty call last night with a Off/ on FWB for 5-6 years I’ve tol him and I don’t think he ever

Caught it but for all I know he could already have it

 

It’s common but having the genital type does suck and it’s easily transmitted from the mouth to the private area but generally there needs to be a cold sore present that’s how my friend got it too.

 

I rarely break out. In 20 years I’ve had 4 or 5 very uncomfortable flare ups and a couple smaller ones ( just painful urination and a very small scratch/ lesion

 

It’s not the end of the world and your 1st breakout is usually the worst.

 

Good luck.

[sabaton]

So I was sexually active with this guy for a couple of weeks (the last person before him was my ex 5 MONTHS ago and I did not experience anything like this before and that guy was all clear after STD testing). Two weeks after getting intimate with the new guy I noticed mouth ulcers accompanied by flu-like symptoms prior to it. My family doctor said it was indeed HSV and it transmitted through lesions either on my partner's mouth or penis.

<snip>

 

Seems like that guy has a background of having casual sex with lots of folks, and I don't think he uses protection or warns his sex partners that he's carrying STDS.

 

Yes, he willingly and knowingly gave you a STD. You can probably sue him over this.

Edited October 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Purrrfect]

My problem with this is when you have un protected sex that’s on you. Catching an STD is always possible.

 

Imo is likely she caught it from this guy but hard to prove. Women are more prone to breakouts then men just because of the way our bodies differ. A lawsuit would expose both of them and that’s embarrassing plus having to prove it. That’s why these cases rarely make it to court

 

 

Seems like that guy has a background of having casual sex with lots of folks, and I don't think he uses protection or warns his sex partners that he's carrying STDS.

 

 

Yes, he willingly and knowingly gave you a STD. You can probably sue him over this.

Edited October 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[introverted1]

My problem with this is when you have un protected sex that’s on you. Catching an STD is always possible.

 

Agreed.

 

Sounds like OP had unprotected sex, including both oral and vaginal sex, with a guy she doesn't know well, without any discussion of either of their STI statuses. While it's despicable of him not to have revealed HSV (if he knew he had it), it's also on her to have asked.

[stillafool]

I would never knowingly kiss someone with cold sores.

[David33]

Great posts in this thread. HSV is a skin virus that can be transmitted whether either person knows or not, outbreak or not. Kissing or vaginal / oral /anal sex can all be ways of transmission. Both parties should get tested. Without that, it's rolling the dice. And really, the OP doesn't know who had it first and who gave it to who. It's possible that they both had it originally and the stress of sex just brought it out of its dormancy.

[Tristian]

Folks, this is not a general discussion thread and I would like to see things stay focused on the Ops unique situation.

 

Those wishing to discuss facts, myths, and statistics regarding STDs can move their conversation to Sex: pros and cons. A thread started by another member for discussing those things after being prompted by this thread.

 

Thank you

[XForeverstardust]

Agreed.

 

Sounds like OP had unprotected sex, including both oral and vaginal sex, with a guy she doesn't know well, without any discussion of either of their STI statuses. While it's despicable of him not to have revealed HSV (if he knew he had it), it's also on her to have asked.

 

 

First of all I did not ever have unprotected vaginal sex with him nor did he perform oral on me. He told me he was clean and it wasn't a casual encounter. I known him very well and we spoke everyday for hours on end for 3 months before we were sexually active with one another.

[XForeverstardust]

ALWAYS ALWAYS reveal STD to new partners. STD is dangerous. And I'm sure 99% of the people would stay away from those with STD. Who the hell wants Gonorrhea or HIV. But guys.. we're freaking talking about Herpes. It's so common that it's not included in STD panel. Also, does that mean every potential partner you meet, if they have HSV you're going to shut them out? Even when 50-80% of the population has it? If OP's ex partner did have open lesions at the time they were being sexual and he didn't tell her about it, then yeah he's an *******. But honestly I would never kiss someone with cold sores.

 

Since I don't think OP is 100% sure he had lesions though, OP could have gotten HSV from another person and it was dormant this entire time. She WAS involved with other men prior. There are so many possibilities of what happened. There might also be a chance that she just simply got sick and because her immune system is weak right now, she's getting cold sores. We're all just speculating and not focused on the main problem. For HIV, we won't know until she gets tested. Might as well get tested for all the STD's in case her ex partner is holding onto other information about himself.

 

Like I said, since you're getting cold sore outbreaks now and you've dumped the guy, consider taking Lysine and Vitamin B supplements. Cold sores suck.

 

 

“I have a disease, of which there is no known cure. It has been sexually transmitted to me. I can't even say it. H-I-R-P-E-E-S.” – Michael Scott

[XForeverstardust]

\ The guy I think gave it to me was a liar and a cheater and I’m more than sure he gave it to me even though he denied it I can tell you he had no lessions at the time anywhere.

 

 

Exact same thing! When I first saw the lesions I convinced myself it was caused by dehydration or another unhealthy factor. I was in denial because I thought he would never give me anything. I saw everything through rose colored glasses. Recently I pieced together how much of a liar and cheater he actually is. His lies were so bad, i'm starting to believe he believes in his own lies. One of the biggest hypocrites I have ever came across in my life, as well. The worst part is he would play the nice guy card so well but reality was something much different. That's why its essential to only focus on actions and pay little to no attention to words especially sweet talking especially if its right off the bat. These men have different unpure intentions when seeking your company and they will take advantage of your vulnerability (which you experience when they make you feel special)