What do I do?

[tary]

Hello everyone!

I’m going through a pretty hard breakup, but before I get into that I’ll give some background.

(Apologies is advanced, it’s going to be pretty long.)

I met my boyfriend (now ex; we’ll call him James) near the end of my sophomore year together in math class. I got out of a very toxic and abusive relationship and I decided it was finally time to move on. We started talking and we began dating a few weeks later. Everything was perfect. I met his parents, we went out on dates, and he was actually there helping me through things. I never had something that good. A month and some days into our relationship we go to a party. His step-mom goes through his phone, sends my *private* pictures to both of my parents. They tell James that our relationship is off and I can’t see him outside of school. James still wanted to be with me because he truly felt like we did have something special, was in love with me, and doesn’t want to throw that away. He told me to wait till summer so I can apologize to his parents. I realized that I did mess up and I really did want to fix things. Summer rolls around and he keeps pushing the apology off. We didn’t see each other for two months but we were still going strong because we were both set on the future. Fast forward 5 months and stuff starts going south out of no where. On the phone James would tell me he loves me and just be the great guy that i know him as. But whenever I’d see him at school, he wouldn’t talk and would just stand there really. I was confused. This went on for a bit until he told me he was stressed and wanted a break. He cried and felt genuinely bad and promised after he gets himself straight, he’ll be the best boyfriend he can be. The break lasted for a few days and he came back. A few weeks later the same thing happened, except he broke up with me this time. He broke up with me because he can tell I wasn’t happy and he doesn’t want a relationship right now. He comes back 2 days later, feeling bad and that he’s so sorry for leaving without a good explanation. He explains to me everything that’s happening at home and that he tried talking to his parents and they told him to “focus on school right now.” He says he loves me and that he still wants to live our future together. James says that we’re together... without a label. I accepted his apology and out relationship without a label because I did trust him and I did believe everything he said, it made sense. He was going to try to get us to go to a movie together and was set on it. Two days later, the weekend ends, and he calls and tells me that “we’re not even in a relationship... why are you acting like this?” And tells me that he lied about everything he told me when he came back. He said he said those things to keep me happy and that he’s been doing this for a while. He was tired that we couldn’t see each other outside of school, but I’ve been asking him to apologize to his parents and he won’t let me. Also, distance didn’y bother him until recently. I’m so heartbroken. He’s always been a straightforward guy but the fact that he would lie to me like this hurt. I was confused and angry and just went off on him. He said he still loves me but I told him to not say that because I don’t believe a word he says. He still wants to be friends. He also said he swears that another person isn’t the reason we broke up.

Everytime he broke up with me it was quick with a monotone voice. But whenever he came back and explained himself he soudned so sincerely.

A day later, his friend tells me that he said he might start talking to someone else. I call him and tell him what his friend said and he said “I told you that’s not the reason why, I’m going to stay single.”

It’s been almost a week, I’ve texted him twice and he’s been dry ever since, but still texts back fast if I do text him.

But I don’t believe him. He starts posting more on snapchat. He posted something saying “Dont tell lies so you can get sympathy from me. First, it pissed me off and second of all it pisses me off.” i texted and asked if he was okay and he said “yeah, dont worry.”

Then said “have a good night.”

Which makes me think he is lying.

I really don’t want to lose him, I want to fix things with his parents and just have a good relationship again. We had a lot of good memories. We just had this amazing connection and I dont want to lose it completely if possible.

I don’t know what to do. Do I completely cut him off or...?

Edited October 26, 2018 by tary

[Zahara]

Yes, you need to cut him off and stop checking on his social media. He’s been clear that he does not want a relationship and you need to take those words and believe them.

 

Stop contacting him. Chances of such a young relationship having long term potential is very rare so try to accept this and move on. He’s not wanting to commit to you and you need to embrace that rather than try to resurrect it. Focus on your studies and moving on. I’m sure he’s getting heat from his parents and is trying to appease them as well by walking away.

 

As for pictures, they’re never really private so in the future be careful of exposing yourself to others, especially when it can potentially fall into the wrong hands and be detrimental to you. You need to be smart about these things. There have been posters on LS who have been in situations where their pictures were released to a wider audience.

Edited October 26, 2018 by Zahara