Heart-Broken guy part 2 (Dad passed away...a LOT has happened)

[fiskadoro]

I think you are hoping that, against all odds, things will begin to turn around. That's pretty noble and gallant of you, but honestly it does seem like you are trying to backdoor your way into saving her. That's that Hollywood ish, where things crash and burn but miraculously, in the end, the sun comes out and the story has the happiest of endings.

 

Since you see yourself as a stand up guy, you are hoping that eventually, eventually, she will see it too, right?

 

As far as the opinions on this board, I think if even just one person was suggesting that you pay her rent, you would be in. Please be forewarned though - you have already proven yourself to be a pushover. I know you think that the feelings you have are terrible, but there are far, far worse feelings. You will newly explore these feelings in deep and profound ways if you pay her, and if you stay in contact with her, she will rub her new relationship in your face, humiliating you in breathtaking ways you didn't think possible. Your very sanity and future are at stake. Block her and keep it moving.

[bathtub-row]

Ok so that's 3 people saying i should pay. Interesting. I've already been paying her as agreed. I never mentioned that the first week i gave her $550 total. $350 was given last week and i was totally surprised she never asked for more later last week. Then i found out about her new man and was told by our now former roommate to not pay her because she "found a new paycheck" and he's already been staying over at the house.

 

Everyone sees things differently and that's so interesting to me. Me and her saw the relationship in 2 totally different ways. Some vote trump and others think they're crazy...what a life!

 

Like I said before, it’s not about her, it’s about you and your reputation when you say something - and your own feelings and conscience about living up to those things. Personally, I would’ve never make such a statement to that little creep but you did. She doesn’t deserve a dime and she sounds like nothing but a con artist but you said you’d help, so that’s what you should do. Lesson learned on your end, I hope.

 

I really don’t get what your attraction is to this person. Honestly, she sounds like scum. She screws around with every guy who comes in contact with her, she’s a horrible mother and human being. I just don’t get it.

[AsonUnique]

Hey sorry for the delayed response. Just been busy and not much has changed. I have not given her a dime. Then she tried to guilt my parents into helping her while insulting their parenting skills & calling me a piece of ****.lol

I really can't believe how petty/trashy she really is. No, I didn't see this attitude for the first year. Then her anger and general lack of moral fiber emerged rapidly. Disagreements went to instant yelling.

 

I'm getting my **** together. Got a newer car yesterday, she'd love finding that out...but i'll bring a buddy's truck to get my stuff cuz i don't want her knowing what my vehicle is.

 

I haven't had any contact with her since Monday. I'm honestly feeling much better b/c I have no choice but to move on after she's shown such an ugly, immature, evil side. She even unfriended me online.

 

I still have the issue of needing my things. Im going to ask her one time to be cordial and allow me in to get it all and if not i'll figure something else out.

 

It really never should've gotten this ugly, pretty ridiculous. I'm fully accepted that she's just a part of my past and I now have a much clearer understanding of what i want in a girlfriend/relationship.

[Ralph79]

Hey sorry for the delayed response. Just been busy and not much has changed. I have not given her a dime. Then she tried to guilt my parents into helping her while insulting their parenting skills & calling me a piece of ****.lol

I really can't believe how petty/trashy she really is. No, I didn't see this attitude for the first year. Then her anger and general lack of moral fiber emerged rapidly. Disagreements went to instant yelling.

 

I'm getting my **** together. Got a newer car yesterday, she'd love finding that out...but i'll bring a buddy's truck to get my stuff cuz i don't want her knowing what my vehicle is.

 

I haven't had any contact with her since Monday. I'm honestly feeling much better b/c I have no choice but to move on after she's shown such an ugly, immature, evil side. She even unfriended me online.

 

I still have the issue of needing my things. Im going to ask her one time to be cordial and allow me in to get it all and if not i'll figure something else out.

 

It really never should've gotten this ugly, pretty ridiculous. I'm fully accepted that she's just a part of my past and I now have a much clearer understanding of what i want in a girlfriend/relationship.

 

If you can afford a "newer" car, then "a weight machine, tv & xbox" is acceptable collateral loss. I'm not saying you shouldn't make an attempt to get your belongings back, but you can obviously afford to replace them.

 

If you don't handle this properly, you can escalate things far worse. I would advise you to just walk away and cut your losses. But if you insist on retrieving your items then I suggest you ask a friend to make her a "take it or leave it" offer of $100 for all your stuff.

 

Sooner or later, she'll be desperate for cash and will most likely fork them over.

 

I'm happy to hear you decided not to give her any of the "promised" money. Promises go both ways and you both had verbal agreements that she defaulted on first, thus freeing you from your end of the deal.

 

Yes it's important to keep promises and honor your commitments. At the end of the day you can walk up with your head held up high knowing you fulfilled your end of a bargain, however in this case, I will guarantee you that you would have come out of this feeling used and suckered, had you given her the money.

 

If you and a friend decide to rent a place , and make a deal to split the cost, and you end up being replaced as a roommate by the other party, you are NOT expected to keep paying your half of the rent. To continue making payments is not being honorable, it's being dumb.

 

I don't mean to offend the people that suggested otherwise, I get the value and importance of honoring our commitments, but I think that in the OP's case, it's unfair to suggest to him that he pay , when he knows full well that another guy is going to enjoy the benefits of his money in his place.

[AsonUnique]

She's alright. I was chilling at the parents house, both them browsing facebook and they see a post she made of some flowers she got from dude. Had to advise them to at least unfollow her.

 

No regrets here. I'm just taking care of the things i need. She had wrecked my mustang so i got an older jeep. No flashy purchase, im still in debt from loans at christmas for her kids and general over-spending. Hope this new guy is smarter than i was. She just caught me at an emotional time right when my bestfriend/her cousin OD'd... I really wish he was around to clown on me for trying a relationship with her. I also slept with her and his other cousin like 18 years ago. He set me up with that one, which made it awkward at family gatherings w/ my ex.. Lol

 

I'm not gonna say I don't feel some hurt with it ending and her not skipping a beat moving on, but it couldn't be clearer that this is for the better that its over. Fact.

Edited September 8, 2018 by AsonUnique

[AsonUnique]

I last posted here early September. I was severely heart-broken over a 2.5 year failed relationship that ended with her likely cheating and when I decided to leave her and moved out, her new man/non-blood cousin moved in the next week. Yes u read that right, they're sorta distant family idk anymore details b/c the less I know the better.

 

So since then, a little over a month later my dad passed away at 68. He got pneumonia and became septic from a UTI caused by bladder cancer. 6 months ago we got the diagnosis on the same day, dad and grandpa (92) both have bladder cancer. Gave dad 2-3 years, idk for grandpa right now. Dad was ready to go, between Vietnam and a general rough life, he wasn't putting himself thru chemo and all that. He went downhill quick the last 2 weeks.

 

The last thing me and my father did outside of the house, our last "activity" together, was getting my TV and xbox from my ****ing ex's house. Of course her new guy had to be right there. She was cordial at least.

 

So dad goes to the hospital thinking o he's just getting anti-biotics for his UTI. Comes home nearly 2 weeks later with hospice, then passes away 2 days later. Peacefully and at home just like he wanted. So I've taken his passing really well. My mom has obviously had the hardest time but she's doing pretty good. Next year would've been their 50th anniversary. Me and sis were planning something big, because we'd been ******* kids for 49 years and never really did anything for them. So that's a big regret.

 

I'm sorry for the length but I have to get all this out to someone or I'm going to go insane. I'm the most chill person you'll ever meet too.

 

As I wrote in my first post, one of my best friends from childhood died in a motorcycle accident 2 weeks before I broke-up with my ex. She was cool.to me the day he died and then right back to bitch-town. Excuse my language. Me and her got together when my VERY best friend died because she was my best friend's cousin too. So she came over to cry together, I then drove 6 hours to Buffalo for his funeral, and when I got back we foolishly jumped into a relationship that got worse with time, the first year being a passionate fairy-tale, the next year a slow car wreck, it was both our faults tho and it finally crashed and burned mid-August. It was her handling of the breakup and cheating where she becomes dead wrong.

 

So I've had a ton of negative life experiences in the past 2.5 years...

 

My ex knew my dad died on the day he died b/c our roommate text me sympathy and said my ex brought it up. She was still friends with my mom on FB up till my mom unfriended her a couple weeks ago...when my ex posted a picture of her engagement ring...yep. not even 2 months with this guy...

 

My ex never contacted me about my dad passing. Oh, she also let her son run up $70 of Fortnite cash on my xbox using my MOM's card that was saved on the xbox. The night before me and my dad came to get the xbox and big screen. Thankfully my mom was able to get the charges refunded.

 

So what a terrible person she is right?! When she gets mad, she has no code, no sympathy, I've never met anyone that could get so cold after so much love. I know she loved me, she cried alll the time, the relationship got bad. She got physical and I had to hold her down...outside with her son in the window...it got that bad...we let it go on far too long.

 

Yet, just this week I cried 2 days in a row. Not over my dad or my buddies passing away, but over her. It doesn't make any damn sense. I've even reconnected with a beautiful friend from childhood, shes successful, is definitely into me as she's had me stay at her house within the 3 times we've hung out but I couldn't even kiss her. Slept in the same bed, but I wasn't feeling it. I'm ****ed up right now.

 

And wrapping this up, this is good right here....

 

MY EX SUDDENLY SENDS ME A TEXT AT 6PM TWO EVENINGS AGO SAYING ,"I MISS YOU AND IT SUCKS!"

 

I'd honestly been waiting for just this moment. I'd thought over a 1,000,000 times all day everyday what all I'd say, how I'd unleash my fury of hatred for her if she ever dared to contact me after how she handled this break up...

 

But I just didn't reply at all. Even tho I'd broken it off, I knew she was over it too and with her likely cheating and instantly moving on I felt crushed. So it was like with that one text, a huge weight was lifted and I could sorta smile again.

 

Sorry again for the length of all this.

 

If I would've replied, I would've told her to show her cousin/fiance more respect than she showed me and "don't contact me or any other guys while you're in a ****ing relationship you whore." Lol

 

Maybe not the name-calling, but I really wanted to dig deep to make her feel some of the pain I've felt.

 

Thanks for giving me a place to get this all out. The financial situation is a dire nightmare too but I'm done venting now.

Bless

[FMW]

Vent away, this is a great place for that. We all have diverse experiences and points of view that can help.

 

My father had bladder cancer and died a few years ago unexpectedly during an operation. We were anticipating his death from the cancer but not at that moment, we thought we had a little more time, so I know how that is. We had a huge 50th anniversary party for my parents that had to be cancelled when he was diagnosed just two weeks prior. My mom is doing great all things considered, but I feel sadness for her enormous loss in addition to dealing with my own.

 

I had a similar succession of endings during the same period, divorce after 23 years of marriage, betrayal in and end of a long friendship, terminal liver cancer diagnosis for someone I love, unexpected death of a good friend from cancer (he died only a month after his diagnosis) and heart attack and death of a close aunt. Sometimes life just throws it all on us at once it seems.

 

It's really unsettling and you'll probably feel lost for a while. Just remember it's not forever. Just be kind and patient with yourself. DON'T reconnect with the ex! Don't rush into any big changes in your life either if possible (like moving or job changes).

 

I feel like I've gone through major personal developments and improvements through all the pain and difficulty. I hope you'll find the same experience.

 

ETA: You're probably consciously mourning your ex more strongly (tears) because she for a time was a constant in your life and represented security and comfort. So you are seeking that more than ever now and feel the loss acutely.

 

Don't rush dating someone else. If it feels forced or bad in any way, just wait. Let yourself heal a bit more.

Edited October 25, 2018 by Finding my way

[just1looking2]

vent away...a non response is indeed a response.

[Art_Critic]

Lots of loss in a short time...

 

Try and remember you are grieving and may interpret one feeling for something it isn't because of the loss you feel...

 

Grieve the loss but don't make any decisions till you are on firmer emotional ground.

 

I one time dated a girl for about 5 or so months and I broke up with her for a variety of reasons but we we did break up I feel tremendous loss in the breakup... it took me forever to get over it but in the end I realized the amount of loss I had sustained the previous 6-12 months was really why I felt the way I did...

I had lost my Step Mom who I was close to, My Grandma, my 15 year old dog and was recently divorced at the time, the loss of my marriage.

I had all that loss in a year or so.. so my misplaced pain in the loss of the relationship was really me grieving for the other loss in my life...

 

It all worked out.. over time...

[AsonUnique]

I suppose no reply is indeed a response. I haven't heard from her again. No reason for me to ever talk to her again besides the fact I still miss the crazy latina. Still think about her everyday. It doesn't hurt like it did the first couple of months as I found out new info like "oh she's already got another man within the same week & they're engaged in less than 2 months of dating." Then she texts saying she misses me a week ago. I had the opportunity to pour everything out to her, every discussion I had in my head about what I'd ever say if she tried to contact me...and it happened sooner than I thought...she's been engaged for only 2-3 weeks. Nevertheless, I chose to remain silent. Idk if I'm likely to hear from her again or not...its not a far stretch to think that her and the new guy prob have had their first argument by now, suddenly living together for 2.5 months, and may have had one the day she text that she misses me...that's a big change and commitment for both of them.

 

If he has the same luck as me, their fights will only get worse and worse. She'd cross a line each fight until the end when things would go from 0-100 very fast.

 

Me and the girl I've been dating had a great night a cpl evenings ago. I finally threw her a bone and made out etc w/ her. I dont get it, shes pretty, has a great physique, my ex would def be jealous if she sees a pic of us...this girl works and may make more than I do, has her own house. My ex just makes sure she has a man to pay her bills. If she works, its bartending which I'd rather she stay home with the kids than bartend.

 

So I'm thankful the pain has subsided when thinking of my ex 24/7, but it sure bugs the hell out of me how much time I think about and actually miss her.

[AsonUnique]

Lots of loss in a short time...

 

Try and remember you are grieving and may interpret one feeling for something it isn't because of the loss you feel...

 

Grieve the loss but don't make any decisions till you are on firmer emotional ground.

 

I one time dated a girl for about 5 or so months and I broke up with her for a variety of reasons but we we did break up I feel tremendous loss in the breakup... it took me forever to get over it but in the end I realized the amount of loss I had sustained the previous 6-12 months was really why I felt the way I did...

I had lost my Step Mom who I was close to, My Grandma, my 15 year old dog and was recently divorced at the time, the loss of my marriage.

I had all that loss in a year or so.. so my misplaced pain in the loss of the relationship was really me grieving for the other loss in my life...

 

It all worked out.. over time...

 

It does make it more tricky when you have a lot of death/deep drama and trauma right around a bad break up. While I'm sure the deaths of my father and 2 best friends only enhances the depression...what bugs the crap out of me is that it's my ex, not my dad or friend that is on my mind all the time.

Now that she's finally seemed to come around to realize she messed up, I'd love a convo to vent to her. I wont pursue it tho. Just a thought if she ever decides to really try to get in my life again.

[AsonUnique]

It just keeps getting better. Last night both me and my mom get messages from my ex about how much she misses and loves me. No mention to my mom or me of condolences that her husband/my dad passed. It's all just sad and depressing at this point.

[fromheart]

I'm very sorry to hear about your father and friends passing.

 

A while back, my father also passed. Shortly after, my live in gf ended our relationship. She was also an angry person, and would give out abuse for no apparent reason.

 

I had two more gf's after that, neither of them were compatible for the level of bereavement I was going through. Both of them were emotionally abusive.

 

I took a break after the last one, to absorb my bereavement and also reflect.

Death is a fact of life. Its the hardest thing we will go through when someone close passes. And the partner we choose, must be compatible for life's challenges.

 

Why then did I choose 3 women in a row, who were clearly not compatible? Why was I choosing toxic femininity?

There are many reasons for that, but the quickest and easiest solution has been to recognize the choices, and not make them anymore.

 

When we build our strength, we get partners. This is very natural. But we also have to think in advance... 'Will this person be in my corner when I inevitably have to face illness and death?'

 

Look for the early signs of toxic femininity, of emotional abusers and users. Learn to walk away.

 

You say you miss the CRAZY Latina. That suggests with respect, that you may have an unconscious addiction to her craziness. SHe's addicted to her craziness, makes her feel alive and covers up her pain. Are you also addicted to her craziness? Her cycles of I love you/I hate you? Because in all honesty, there's no way you'd be allowing your mind to invest further time in her if you were not.

This is not a put down, I came to the conclusion that I was addicted to dysfunctional women, because their abuse covered up the internal strife I was running away from.

Edited November 16, 2018 by fromheart

[springy]

It just keeps getting better. Last night both me and my mom get messages from my ex about how much she misses and loves me. No mention to my mom or me of condolences that her husband/my dad passed. It's all just sad and depressing at this point.

 

I'm sorry for your losses. At this point I'd be thinking about blocking her entirely. I mean, she's engaged and reaching out to you so close to the passing of your father without so much as an offer of condolences? She's selfish and attention seeking. For your own emotional well being please consider blocking her. You don't need her in your head right now. That's over. No need to communicate any further.