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Heart-Broken guy part 2 (Dad passed away...a LOT has happened)

AsonUnique

By AsonUnique
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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I'm definitely not giving her another dime. I just have to play this smart to get my stuff back. Will a cop come with to get my stuff if she refuses?

 

All I've done so far is send a short text to her explaining that as soon as i read something cruel/negative from her i stop reading so if she wants anything from me she can start by being respectful when talking/texting me.

 

She still doesn't know that i know about the new guy. I just said her cruel messages pissed me off and i need time to calm down & think before addressing the money. So its saturday morning, she initially asked for money at midnight thursday into friday. I have to figure out a way to get my stuff asap but i don't want to lie and say ill give her money after i get my stuff...doubt she'd even fall for that & will want the money first...thats not gonna happen unless i have no other option to get my things back.

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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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Here's her barely coherent text:

"Need it today and IM not leaving my house so you can get stuff you be man come get it when IM bring the money today acts and dogs have nothing either do that why IM furious with you cause you only do on your timeIM pick of it your and inconsiderate"

 

Yeah...that's actually a more cordial message compared to her usual texts that'll tell me to go to hell cuz "I'M" a piece of ****...yet i work 50-60 hours a week and have supported her and 2 other guy's kids for 2 years.

 

Oh wait. I spoke too soon, here comes the hatred in follow-up texts: "I need the money today cats have no food you ******* ill call your parents then and borrow from them since you cant bring it today i could never count on you."

 

My parents will bitch her out, they helped us at times but straight up said they wouldnt pay to get something like the water turned back on if i wasnt living there too.

 

So basically she says until i pay rent, electric bill and food/grocery money then i cant get my stuff. Now I have to see what my legal.options are.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Are you seriously, after promising her you'd help with this transition, going to leave her and her pets high and dry? If you hadn't offered, then she would have perhaps found some other way. You know, it's not uncommon to help with the transition financially after two people have been living together and split up. You shouldn't have said you'd do it and then backed out. That's not fair.

You supposedly cared about her and now you think nothing of backing out on a promise and putting her on the street with no food for her pets. :mad:

 

The police will take into consideration that you had an oral agreement to pay for her move. Therefore, they will not see this as her stealing your stuff. They may, in fact, advise her to sell your stuff. If she goes to small claims court unless you bald-face lie and deny ever promising her this money, the judge will have you pay it.

Edited by preraph
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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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Are you seriously, after promising her you'd help with this transition, going to leave her and her pets high and dry? If you hadn't offered, then she would have perhaps found some other way. You know, it's not uncommon to help with the transition financially after two people have been living together and split up. You shouldn't have said you'd do it and then backed out. That's not fair.

You supposedly cared about her and now you think nothing of backing out on a promise and putting her on the street with no food for her pets. :mad:

 

The police will take into consideration that you had an oral agreement to pay for her move. Therefore, they will not see this as her stealing your stuff. They may, in fact, advise her to sell your stuff. If she goes to small claims court unless you bald-face lie and deny ever promising her this money, the judge will have you pay it.

 

Really? There's 2 people i believe that say i should pay as promised. My thing is she's already with another man who has offered to pay for her to get her license and plates which expired. This guy can support her then. Our agreement was I'd help for a month while she gets a job or figures out what she's gonna do. By taking my $350 last friday and going camping with kids and a new man, i'd consider that making a decision. Plus she likely cheated on me, she says the most cruel & hateful things like her last text said that she wished I died instead of her cousin/my best friend! All moral/ethical standards are long gone.

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littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

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Don't stoop to her level and back down on a promise made out of anger or for revenge. This isn't about her or who she's with, it's about you keeping to your word despite the crap hand you've been dealt.

 

Can you organise a time when you can collect your stuff and give her whatever you agreed upon at the same time, maybe with the roommate present, then leave her to her new life?

 

I'm assuming whatever your legal options are will be costlier (in time and energy as well as anything else) than the price of all your possessions clubbed together anyway.

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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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Ok so that's 3 people saying i should pay. Interesting. I've already been paying her as agreed. I never mentioned that the first week i gave her $550 total. $350 was given last week and i was totally surprised she never asked for more later last week. Then i found out about her new man and was told by our now former roommate to not pay her because she "found a new paycheck" and he's already been staying over at the house.

 

Everyone sees things differently and that's so interesting to me. Me and her saw the relationship in 2 totally different ways. Some vote trump and others think they're crazy...what a life!

Edited by AsonUnique
preraph Established Member

preraph

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Really? There's 2 people i believe that say i should pay as promised. My thing is she's already with another man who has offered to pay for her to get her license and plates which expired. This guy can support her then. Our agreement was I'd help for a month while she gets a job or figures out what she's gonna do. By taking my $350 last friday and going camping with kids and a new man, i'd consider that making a decision. Plus she likely cheated on me, she says the most cruel & hateful things like her last text said that she wished I died instead of her cousin/my best friend! All moral/ethical standards are long gone.

 

Just saying, you did promise, and what type person can let some innocent animals go hungry? It's one and done and then you have to deal with her no more. It will give her some time to get on her feet.

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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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Yeah it seems that most people agree that I shouldnt give her another cent. As usual, i can see where both sides are coming from...its why I'm indecisive at times.

 

Well I'm going to message her tonight and make it known that im aware of the new guy. She's not going to show any remorse and may even rub it in...but she'll now know why im suddenly reluctant to help her financially.

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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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Are you seriously, after promising her you'd help with this transition, going to leave her and her pets high and dry? If you hadn't offered, then she would have perhaps found some other way. You know, it's not uncommon to help with the transition financially after two people have been living together and split up. You shouldn't have said you'd do it and then backed out. That's not fair.

You supposedly cared about her and now you think nothing of backing out on a promise and putting her on the street with no food for her pets. :mad:

 

The police will take into consideration that you had an oral agreement to pay for her move. Therefore, they will not see this as her stealing your stuff. They may, in fact, advise her to sell your stuff. If she goes to small claims court unless you bald-face lie and deny ever promising her this money, the judge will have you pay it.

 

Just saying, you did promise, and what type person can let some innocent animals go hungry? It's one and done and then you have to deal with her no more. It will give her some time to get on her feet.

 

I keep in touch with the roommate, thank God, or i would be getting played worse. She's being dramatic. She doesnt even have the kids this weekend and the animals are low on food but not close to starving. I'd never let them starve. She's the type to take the rent money and blow it on her own. That's the reason i left...i gave her over $500 plus spending money so close to $800 for her trip to florida with the understanding she'd pay electric & water bills. She didnt pay a cent to either bill. Her excuse was that she had a 7 hour layover at airport so she needed that money for herself. And like anytime u question her, she goes straight to yelling when she knows she's caught.

The day she came home from Florida with the kids, our water was shut off. She just went to bed, i had no extra money, and the kids or none of us could use the batbroom, shower, etc I had to call my parents to bail us out.

My parents dont like her to say the least...yet they treated her kids and her like family.

 

Sorry im rambling again...but this is all on my mind every waking moment and i dont have anywhere else to vent.

Thingsfallapart Established Member

Thingsfallapart

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Dude, it really sounds like you dodged a bullet. Big time. This woman sounds terrible and was bleeding you dry. Money and spiritually bleeding you dry. She sounds awful. Don’t pay the money and save it to buy new stuff and just cut ties and go NC

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Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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You were played for a fool. She just used you for money.

 

Stop.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Put me firmly into the don't pay this person any more money camp. Forget her. If this was an amicable split where things just weren't working out, then by all means, help the girl out. This is not the case. She appears to be a lying, manipulative, cheating wench who just wants to milk you for everything she can. Let her new guy give her the money. She is now his problem, not yours.

 

This.

 

I wouldn't be giving her one more dime, sorry. She can find someone else to support her. I don't buy she's that hard up for cash if she borrowed money from you to go camping, without pausing to think that maybe she should put that money towards her necessities. No, she knows exactly what she is doing.

littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

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I'm struggling to make sense as to how her character has become an issue in the last 2 weeks only.

 

Did you not know her at all for 2 and half years, and made this promise to who you thought was a sweet, innocent girl in need and she all of a sudden turned into a cruel monster?

 

In truth, I don't know what I would do in your position - all I know is that I'd want a clean break fast, regardless of anything else. If keeping to your word is the price for a swift exit, so be it. If it's not paying her and leaving your stuff there until things simmer down, so be it too. If you can get your stuff back and pay her nothing without extra drama, that seems good too.

 

Whatever decision you make is, I guess, highly dependent on the outcome you want.

Edited by littleblackheart
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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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I'm struggling to make sense as to how her character has become an issue in the last 2 weeks only.

 

Did you not know her at all for 2 and half years, and made this promise to who you thought was a sweet, innocent girl in need and she all of a sudden turned into a cruel monster?

 

In truth, I don't know what I would do in your position - all I know is that I'd want a clean break fast, regardless of anything else. If keeping to your word is the price for a swift exit, so be it. If it's not paying her and leaving your stuff there until things simmer down, so be it too. If you can get your stuff back and pay her nothing without extra drama, that seems good too.

 

Whatever decision you make is, I guess, highly dependent on the outcome you want.

 

Good question. She played the perfect housewife for the first year and half, then slowly its like she couldnt hide her anger anymore & every argument went straight to her yelling. This past year there were several almost breakups. She got colder and colder. Eventually there was tension everyday when i got home from work.

Then to immediately have a guy over the week i move out and she keeps saying the most evil things...im sorry but she bit the hand that feeds her.

 

Today i woke up to a sweeter text saying shes "just hurt" and apologizing for what she said. I never wrote her back after she said she wished i died tho.

littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

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Good question. She played the perfect housewife for the first year and half, then slowly its like she couldnt hide her anger anymore & every argument went straight to her yelling. This past year there were several almost breakups. She got colder and colder. Eventually there was tension everyday when i got home from work.

Then to immediately have a guy over the week i move out and she keeps saying the most evil things...im sorry but she bit the hand that feeds her.

 

Today i woke up to a sweeter text saying shes "just hurt" and apologizing for what she said. I never wrote her back after she said she wished i died tho.

 

I hear you. Clearly, things weren't going well in this relationship, so the breakup is likely a blessing in disguise.

 

You are both hyped up on emotions atm, and she's obviously not handling things well at all.

 

The main thing is to try and keep a clear mind (better said than done, I realise that, especially as you seem to be nursing a heartbreak yourself).

 

What is the quickest, less painful way for you to move on from this without excalating or dragging things on longer than absolutely necessary, for your own sake?

anduina Established Member

anduina

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Really? There's 2 people i believe that say i should pay as promised. My thing is she's already with another man who has offered to pay for her to get her license and plates which expired. This guy can support her then. Our agreement was I'd help for a month while she gets a job or figures out what she's gonna do. By taking my $350 last friday and going camping with kids and a new man, i'd consider that making a decision. Plus she likely cheated on me, she says the most cruel & hateful things like her last text said that she wished I died instead of her cousin/my best friend! All moral/ethical standards are long gone.
Don't pay anymore since you've already coughed up your financial help. Get your stuff and make a clean break.
SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

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Due to the length of time you have been supporting her and her children, I'm going to suggest you set aside all of the cheating drama and heartache and begin to approach this as a dissolution of a partnership. I know that is hard, but just like in divorce, breaking up a long term live in relationship means making some difficult business/life decisions; it can hurt financially in the short term, but in the long term, will set you free.

 

In this case, you should follow through with your agreement to pay the rent for the month. It sounds like you have already paid the bills (minus the food/living?) which she didn't follow through paying on her end so that's on her, and close this mess and end it as amicably as you can.

 

It doesn't matter at this point whether she is shaking up with another already or went on holiday, etc etc, this is about closing your obligations and following through on agreements you made when you broke up. You will have plenty of time to grieve the heartache thereafter.

 

I'm also going to suggest you pay the rent directly to the landlord (get a receipt). If you are on the lease, get out of it in writing. If you have any bills in your name, transfer them to her. Put the final agreement to her in writing (an email will suffice)

 

As for getting your things back, that should be in the agreement too, and bring either a neutral friend or a police escort.

 

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Edited by SunnyWeather
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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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Ugh! It sucks when you stand-up people tell me I should support her because that's generally the person I am, I follow through with what's agreed upon.

 

I've never...not even as kids have i ever been insulted and talked to like this girl. She knows about my financial, legal and family health issues & that i lost one of my best friends 3 weeks ago in a motorcycle accident...and she still adds to that stress. As a matter of fact, its the stress from HER that is on my mind 24/7 when it should be on myself and my family. That's how it's gotta be for now on, I've accepted that the girl i fell in love with 2.5 years ago is gone.

 

So by not giving her anymore financial support I'll what, lose respect to a girl that has absolutely zero respect for me?

Btw i still haven't replied, even to her sweeter semi-apology this morning. I've gotta get the ball rolling tho so hopefully i can find the right words/message to convey what i need to.

Thingsfallapart Established Member

Thingsfallapart

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Don’t respond to her.

 

Block her and cut all ties. Stop being a cuck.

 

You don’t owe her anything.

 

If you’re serious about moving on and think you deserve better cut your losses now and move on

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AsonUnique Established Member

AsonUnique

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Don’t respond to her.

 

Block her and cut all ties. Stop being a cuck.

 

You don’t owe her anything.

 

If you’re serious about moving on and think you deserve better cut your losses now and move on

 

But she still has my big screen, xbox & weight machine...basically the 3 things i enjoy most in life. Otherwise it wouldn't be an issue. I'm not giving her money.

littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

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But she still has my big screen, xbox & weight machine...basically the 3 things i enjoy most in life. Otherwise it wouldn't be an issue. I'm not giving her money.

 

You seem to be in a very vulnerable state. You're right to be holding off replying to her. Keep posting here instead and wait for things to simmer down.

 

You are hurting because of this other guy, understandably so. But everything else about her you knew before he came onto the scene and you still gave her something.

 

As a backup option, can you set aside whatever else you were going to give her and save up to get yourself an even better screen, a new xbox and weight machine? This sounds like a big sacrifice, I appreciate that, but this means you won't have to be dealing with her any more.

 

Again, whatever you decide to do is completely dependent on the outcome you want.

Edited by littleblackheart
Thingsfallapart Established Member

Thingsfallapart

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You’re making excuses because deep down you still want to fix things with her.

You could just leave those things and walk away, it’s not like you can’t buy them again.

I think you’re conning yourself and everyone here. You’re using those 3 objects that you left at her house as an excuse to keep one foot in her life.

 

I don’t mean to be harsh, but I’ve been where you are.

 

Cut ties and walk away. Buy yourself new stuff and just cut her out of your life and block her and move on.

 

Stop being a cuck. Lending her money so she go away camping with another guy and then paying her rent while she is banging a guy under that same roof.

 

Are you serious?

Block - Delete - Walk away

doyathinkso Established Member

doyathinkso

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But she still has my big screen, xbox & weight machine...basically the 3 things i enjoy most in life. Otherwise it wouldn't be an issue. I'm not giving her money.

 

 

Hey, think about it .... It's Just Stuff!!

 

Small price to pay to be rid of her. She needs money? Let her have a garage sale.

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InsensitiveWife New Member

InsensitiveWife

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Bro she is not good to you. Get your friends and ask for a new one..

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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I follow through with what's agreed upon.

What's agreed upon went out the window when she broke the agreement.

 

The only hope of getting your stuff back is to use the money as bait. You don't have to lie and say you'll give it to her, but just say you're coming to collect your stuff and you'll talk about the money then. And when you get there say you'll talk about the money after you load your stuff. And when you've loaded your stuff you can say right let's talk about the money - you're not getting any. Bye.

 

Chances are she won't let you take your stuff until you've handed over the cash. But it's really the only chance you've got. Otherwise you'll just have to write the stuff off as bad debt.

 

Legally, the cops will say it's a civil matter. It would only become a legal matter if there's a disturbance of the peace, in which case since it's her house they will simply ask you to leave.

 

You could take her to small claims court for the stuff but it's probably not worth it. She'll just say she doesn't have it, and the burden of proof is on you.

 

You supposedly cared about her and now you think nothing of backing out on a promise and putting her on the street with no food for her pets. :mad:

You've got to be kidding! This cat food thing is quite obviously a load of BS. She's spending 350 going camping for goodness sake. If her cats are so hungry she can cancel her trip.

 

The police will take into consideration that you had an oral agreement to pay for her move.

No they won't. The police will say it's a civil matter and they can't help you.

 

A small claims court judge might take the oral agreement into consideration but they will also take many other things into account such as the fact that it was agreed in anticipation of living together and that she now has another sucker to pay for her.

Edited by PegNosePete
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