Heart-Broken guy part 2 (Dad passed away...a LOT has happened)

[AsonUnique]

It's funny my last post here was 6 months into the relationship and I was worried about her cheating. Turns out that very likely happened.

 

2.5 years we dated, lived together 2 years. She has 2 kids by 2 guys. I worked, she stayed home with 5 year old who started school the day after we broke up.

 

Its been just over 2 weeks since i moved out & we broke up. I just heard from our mutual friend that last weekend she went camping with a new guy and the kids and he's already been staying over at the house.

 

I offered to help pay her bills for a month while she found a job or figured out what she's going to do. This girl asked for money to go camping that weekend. I really can't believe someone can be so heartless.

She knows today is payday, rent is due first of the month, I'm really interested if she'll text me for it.

 

She has real anger issues, is addicted to adderall, takes other stuff too & he'll have to pay for those but she can keep it together a good 6 months to a year.

 

I go from pissed to brokenly-sad every waking moment. I was already having a rough time before i found out she's moved on. I'll enjoy if the day comes this new relationship crash & burns...just feeling a type of way.

 

Anyway, I still have a weight machine, tv & xbox to grab from the house we rented. She couldn't even wait...**** whatever. So i asked our roommate to let me know when nobody will be there.

 

WELL...she JUST text me, asking if I'll be a man of my word and help b/c rent and this bill and that bill are coming up. HOW DO I RESPOND? Do i be honest and ask why i can't even think of dating and she's already moved on? That I'm crushed...yet i did say I'd help until she figured something out and it appears she has so i shouldn't be needed.

 

I dont see me getting anything from her that is going to lessen the heartache. She'll reply with hatred. I'm a pit of anxiety right now.

[ExpatInItaly]

WELL...she JUST text me, asking if I'll be a man of my word and help b/c rent and this bill and that bill are coming up. HOW DO I RESPOND? Do i be honest and ask why i can't even think of dating and she's already moved on? That I'm crushed...yet i did say I'd help until she figured something out and it appears she has so i shouldn't be needed.

 

You say no, she is on her own now. If she presses, tell her you have changed your mind and she can ask her new man to foot her bills now.

 

You are under zero obligation to pay this woman, though she will try to manipulate you again into doing what she wants. You need a backbone, my friend.

[Zahara]

Don’t even respond to her. Block her. There is no reason why you should be open to her communication nor should she have access to you. Do not communicate with her because she’s the kind that will say whatever it takes to rip you apart when she’s not getting what she wants.

 

She’s incredibly manipulative and is a blatant user.

 

I hope your friend is able to help you get your things. You may have to sacrifice your belongings and that’s perfectly alright because your emotional wellbeing and sanity is priceless.

[salparadise]

...and he's already been staying over at the house.

 

I know it's hard emotionally, but from a practical perspective it's straightforward. Tell her to hit up the new guy who has been sleeping there for help with the expenses (then block her). It requires no further explanation, and puts the accountability exactly where it belongs.

 

I think it's just incredulous that she has a new guy sleeping over in less than two weeks and as the nerve to ask you to pay her rent.

 

Sorry for the pain, but I think you dodged a bullet here.

[AsonUnique]

Well i can't leave behind my weight machine, tv, & xbox. Those are my main possessions. Lol

The roommate will help me get them soon & i hope without her even knowing ill be there.

 

I offered to help financially for a month b/c she has young kids that i grew to love also. But she's moving on, obviously im not going to give her money now.

 

I just want to vent to her so badly but i know nothing good will come from it. It just sucks that someone can turn so cold when they were your biggest supporter for so long.

 

It takes too much typing to descrribe the details to make a lot of this make sense...why I'd left her but miss her so badly, how she always claimed she didnt think i loved her... she's probably thinking that I'm having the time of my life & relieved to be single from her. Really, I'm just hurt.

 

So in the morning ill let her know that i wont be helping her with another cent of my money. I just hope i can keep the text to the point...idk if i want to express my hurt and then refuse any further contact or what.

 

We cane together when my best friend, her cousin died in march 2016. Fell in love while supporting each other thru the loss...we had the world planned for us and it just weng downhill fast. I still love her obviously. I'd hoped she would see where she went wrong and maybe someday 5 years from now we could try again. Now that can't happen.

I lost another best friend 3 weeks ago, my dad got diagnosed with cancer and is refusing any treatment, mom is in and out of hospital, ive been stressed and now she's my main source of emotional pain.

Im rambling...sorry just have to vent SOMEWHERE.

[salparadise]

That is a lot to deal with all at once. i hope you have some friends to lean on. Counseling would probably be good for you.

 

I'd suggest not expressing your hurt to her. Be matter of fact. But I would word it such that she knows that you know that someone else is sleeping there already. That way she knows it's on her, and it closes any discussion about your promise to pay. Even the thickest noggin in the world can see how that would obviate your responsibility

[AsonUnique]

Thanks Salparadise and everyone for the feedback. I have some friends but guys aren't good at these things...the most i get is "man forget that chick." Which is good advice but I'm so damn hurt. I know time will heal the pain.

 

I likely did dodge a bullet...thankfully i didn't become baby-daddy #3 & have to pay her for 18 years.

 

I really feel betrayed. She made me leave her by making the relationship full of drama and negativity these past 6 months. She had a guy lined up for who knows how long? I hate her and i love her.

[Thingsfallapart]

You’re obviously a good guy and you’re being taken for a ride by this girl who obviously has BPD or something like it.

Don’t be Captain Saveaho anymore brother.

Cut ties and move on before you get bled dry and hurt more.

[Zahara]

I’m sorry you’re struggling with so much pain. I hope you have friends to lean on to support you during this difficult time with your family.

 

Stay strong when you text her but I would advise you to block her once you do it. I have a feeling there will be aftermath and seeing how emotionally fragile you are right now, it would not be in your best interest to expose yourself to her.

[PegNosePete]

Well i can't leave behind my weight machine, tv, & xbox. Those are my main possessions.

...

So in the morning ill let her know that i wont be helping her with another cent of my money.

I wouldn't advise that. If you say that or rant in any other way then you won't see your stuff ever again. You will have to bite your tongue until you've got your stuff back. Don't leave it until "soon". Go collect the stuff tomorrow. Even if you have to rent a truck and storage, better than leaving it there.

 

If I were you I'd respond that you'd like to come over tomorrow to collect your stuff and you can discuss the money then. Obviously you're not going to give her any money, but don't tell her that yet because her door will close forever.

 

Then tomorrow, turn up preferably with your buddy but if he can't make it then go alone rather than leave it until another day. If she asks about the money then say you'd like to get the heavy lifting out of the way first and then talk. And when your stuff is loaded, don't go in, don't have a cup of coffee, don't sit down. Just say you're not giving her any more money and leave. Don't argue, don't fight, don't say another word. Just go. She might be mad that you "tricked" her but honestly this is the best way to get your stuff back with the least hassle.

[frigginlost]

Thanks Salparadise and everyone for the feedback. I have some friends but guys aren't good at these things...the most i get is "man forget that chick." Which is good advice but I'm so damn hurt. I know time will heal the pain.

 

I likely did dodge a bullet...thankfully i didn't become baby-daddy #3 & have to pay her for 18 years.

 

I really feel betrayed. She made me leave her by making the relationship full of drama and negativity these past 6 months. She had a guy lined up for who knows how long? I hate her and i love her.

 

Oh man, I feel for ya. I'm guessing this is the first time you've gone through anything with a "batsh*t crazy" woman. It's really rough because as a male you want to take care of her and be a provider etc.

 

All of us males have been there. I'm gonna give you a little advice that might help ease the sting. She is never going to change. Ever. The guy she is with right now? Yeah, he will be in your position a year or two down the road and she will have lined up someone else. Girls like her are not capable of love or change. It's nothing you have done. I know it sucks, but if it makes you feel any better, she doesn't "love" this new guy no matter how she makes it look. She does not know how to love and believe me, you're better off without her.

 

As much as it sucks, you need to cut her off completely. She's got two other baby daddies out there she can lean on.

[bathtub-row]

When we make promises to someone, it’s a reflection on us if we don’t fulfill them. When my son was small, I rarely made promises to him because I’m very conscientious about keeping them. In other words, I didn’t make promises or statements that I couldn’t follow thru with. To this day, my son knows that when I say or promise something, I mean it.

 

Having said all that, you made a statement or promise to this nutcase and you’re the one who’s going to feel that you let yourself down if you don’t come thru. So, I’d pay the rent with the understanding that she never expect another thing from you again. That way, you walk away with a clear conscience and shed yourself of this pathetic excuse for a mother and human being. In the future, be careful about the things you promise.

Edited August 31, 2018 by bathtub-row

[AsonUnique]

This is great advice thank you guys!! Some stuff i wouldnt have thought of, like using the money to get my stuff...I'll likely do that b/c she did threaten to sell my stuff if i didnt give her money.

 

FrigginLost, ur name explains my heart. You're so right about her never changing. I've known her for 20 years, knew her reputation but i risked it anyway. She had plenty of men before me, possibly some while with me, and more will pass thru her after me. She is the first "crazy" female that I've gotten in a serious relationship with, yes. These are lessons i already knew, but when my best friend/her cousin died, emotions were high & we foolishly dove into a relationship head first.

She's sent like 15 hate filled messages...one even calling ME cold-head...all b/c i havent responded so I'm "****ing her over" apparently.

 

I hear what ur saying Bathtub, but by dating this guy already doesnt that mean she's made her decision on what shes going to do? After the rent she'll expect more. I gave her $350 last week for a camping trip that ended up neing with another dude..

[AsonUnique]

I really need to send her a reply but just am enjoying the peace & quiet on my phone since she finally quit her messaging by sending me a selfie of her flicking me off.

[AsonUnique]

Yeah that last message thru me off cuz i do like to keep my word but this guy is helping her get her license & i assume he'll move in and take over bills. I can't give her money, I'm done with her.

[Ralph79]

AsonUnique,

 

Dude, women like the person you described are INCAPABLE of loving themselves let alone someone else.

 

And I'm truly sorry for saying this but you are the only one at fault for this situation. If you put your hand in a Lion's cage , then don't expect it back.

 

You grew attached to a disease. And it's infected your body/soul. You remind me of people with gangrene that refuse to amputate dead parts because they are attached to their limbs.

 

This woman is dead weight and you STILL state that you love her. I understand how you could feel this way. You put yourself in this position. I have ZERO knowledge of who you are, or what you do, but by simply being with a Woman like this and STILL professing love for her, tells me that you have no self respect and no self esteem whatsoever.

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Life can be severely harsh. But you are not helping yourself by empowering your feelings towards this woman.

 

You are looking up to her because you have allowed her to put you in a deep hole you shouldn't be in. Once you sever her from your life , you will be able to start crawling out of it. You need help. If you have money to "donate", then save it for a therapist. Before trying to help others , you have to invest in yourself.

 

My friend, I'm sorry if my post is harsh, but you need a wake up call. Thank God you decided to stop giving her your money. Use it on yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah that last message thru me off cuz i do like to keep my word but this guy is helping her get her license & i assume he'll move in and take over bills. I can't give her money, I'm done with her.

 

I agree.

 

Screw keeping a promise when you someone is clearly screwing you over. You're not going to face some kind of moral crisis by not keeping your promise and handing money over to this person.

[preraph]

If you promised her you'd pay her first month rent and bills, do it because it's not nice to break promises, but then tell her, Here is what I promised. Good luck. I'm moving on, so don't ask anything else of me.

[AsonUnique]

AsonUnique,

 

Dude, women like the person you described are INCAPABLE of loving themselves let alone someone else.

 

And I'm truly sorry for saying this but you are the only one at fault for this situation. If you put your hand in a Lion's cage , then don't expect it back.

 

You grew attached to a disease. And it's infected your body/soul. You remind me of people with gangrene that refuse to amputate dead parts because they are attached to their limbs.

 

This woman is dead weight and you STILL state that you love her. I understand how you could feel this way. You put yourself in this position. I have ZERO knowledge of who you are, or what you do, but by simply being with a Woman like this and STILL professing love for her, tells me that you have no self respect and no self esteem whatsoever.

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Life can be severely harsh. But you are not helping yourself by empowering your feelings towards this woman.

 

You are looking up to her because you have allowed her to put you in a deep hole you shouldn't be in. Once you sever her from your life , you will be able to start crawling out of it. You need help. If you have money to "donate", then save it for a therapist. Before trying to help others , you have to invest in yourself.

 

My friend, I'm sorry if my post is harsh, but you need a wake up call. Thank God you decided to stop giving her your money. Use it on yourself.

 

I totally catch what you're saying, but truth is I've done some real bad stuff myself that has brought us here, so im not innocent. But i have let myself get over-used because of that. Ive never cheated, i just have my own personal demons...which she now throws in my face at every opportunity and she threatens to tell my parents, which have enough stress with their health.

 

The summary compared to the intro couldn't be more oppposite. Who would've thought back early in the relationship when she planned to get us rocking chairs to chill on the porch when we get older... that it'd end in a disaster like this. I really had no idea that I'd meet someone that can be so petty and ice cold.

[anduina]

Before you commit to anything, go get your stuff. If you decide 'no' and tell her, before you do this, don't be surprised if she sells your stuff for the cash.

[Thingsfallapart]

Why would she borrow 350 for camping when she knew she didn’t have enough for rent? Why not cancel the camping trip? Some people are really stupid with money and then they wonder why they have to borrow money...

 

She borrowed 350 to go camping with a guy that she was banging and then expects you to give her money for rent?

That’s so rediculous, it’s sad...

 

If you give her any more money, you might as well hand over your balls too brother.

[springy]

Why would she borrow 350 for camping when she knew she didn’t have enough for rent? Why not cancel the camping trip? Some people are really stupid with money and then they wonder why they have to borrow money...

 

She borrowed 350 to go camping with a guy that she was banging and then expects you to give her money for rent?

That’s so rediculous, it’s sad...

 

If you give her any more money, you might as well hand over your balls too brother.

 

Exactly! Get your stuff...and then tell her to kick rocks.

[Thingsfallapart]

Exactly! Get your stuff...and then tell her to kick rocks.

 

Kick rocks? That’s too polite for a women who borrows money from him to go camping and bang another guy, basically cheating on him and then trying to guilt trip him into paying for her rent...

He should respond Good For You (GFY)

 

I feel bad for this guy. I bet he will pay for her rent aswell. Forgetting the fact she already owes him 350 that he lent her to go and bang another guy multiple times in a tent. 350 that he will probably never see again.

Op, don’t be a complete cuck for this BPD bint

[Mrin]

If you promised her you'd pay her first month rent and bills, do it because it's not nice to break promises, but then tell her, Here is what I promised. Good luck. I'm moving on, so don't ask anything else of me.

 

I'm with you on this one. If you told her you would help her then you should do it. You didn't say, "I'll help you if you're not dating someone else.". Sure it sucks. And in some ways it is unfair. But if this is a commitment you made then you should follow though and learn not to make such commitments in the future.

 

Just my two cents.

[Thingsfallapart]

That’s awful advice.

He doesn’t owe that skank anything.

Instead of going camping she should have saved the money for rent.

This woman has been spreading her legs for a day pass for too long, she should save her own money.

He is helping her by not bailing her out.