wanda1974 Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 Hello, I am new to this forum, and looking for some advice in my similar situtaion. I have been with a mm for about 8 months now. We work together. I knew from day one of getting involved with him, he was married. the only thing was, he told me that it was in the courts. He has been telling me this since day one. He said it's a complicated situation. So I believed him. Just recently, I took it upon myself to contact the county courthouse to find out if there was any filings under his name. there were none! WHere I live, any pending court cases are public records, anyone can inquire about them. SO, anyway, I called him when I found this out and aqsked him if he really filed, and he said yes. I told him I found out he didn't by looking it up. Right away I was accused of "checking up on him". He told me he has papers he can show me, and when I told him he should show me them, he got an attitude and said he doesn't feel he should HAVE to show me anything. Now since this happened, I have heard nothing from him. You would think he would try to explain...with more lies, of course. But NOTHING! I don't know if he thinks I'm psycho for looking it up, or just completely embarrassed. Any suggestions?
ww Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 good job. straight to the point! Don`t even think what is his opinoin about you. Don`t bother. He LIED to you.
megabit15 Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 So now you're a bitch for checking up on him?? Yikes. Sounds like he was offering a lot of excuses - I heard the same crap from a guy who I found out was living with his wife. Have you ever been to his place of residence? I think you were smart to look into it. Cheating married men are just soooo not worth ANYTHING in the romantic department. I've even had a man show me phoney papers! So, my advice in general- Run like hell from a married man wanting to have an affair with you!! Very very far away!!
Author wanda1974 Posted September 10, 2005 Author Posted September 10, 2005 good job. straight to the point! Don`t even think what is his opinoin about you. Don`t bother. He LIED to you. I know he lied to me....he had plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth. I just hope he realizes what he lost. I thought this divorce was going through. Now I dont know what to do. I love him, and so does my child....
Author wanda1974 Posted September 10, 2005 Author Posted September 10, 2005 So now you're a bitch for checking up on him?? Yikes. Sounds like he was offering a lot of excuses - I heard the same crap from a guy who I found out was living with his wife. Have you ever been to his place of residence? I think you were smart to look into it. Cheating married men are just soooo not worth ANYTHING in the romantic department. I've even had a man show me phoney papers! So, my advice in general- Run like hell from a married man wanting to have an affair with you!! Very very far away!! I know he is living with his wife still. He told me that. He also has 3 kids, which is supposedly why he's still there. I always told him that I couldn't understand why he was living there, if it was that bad, and also why he was living there if they're in the process of divorce...when my ex and I decided it was over, we separated immediatly. I don't think he'll show mw phony papers...I think he knows not to got here with me. I know he loves me, and I love him, but I was married to a LIAR for 8 yrs, and I don't want to go down that road again....
califlorgian Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Do anyone believe in Karma anymore? Meaning what?
LaLa18 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Karma - What goes around comes around... don't do things to others, you don't to happen to you.. cuz its gonna come for you.. sooner or later.. i think it could be just superstition..
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 That's a dangerous argument really. While it suggests some dire punishment for the OW in the future - it can easily be applied to the BS too, in that "he or she must have done something to deserve being cheated on." Karma definitely isn't a term to throw around lightly or judgementally. Sometimes blades have two edges, both equally damaging...
erika2610 Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Karma - What goes around comes around... don't do things to others, you don't to happen to you.. cuz its gonna come for you.. sooner or later.. i think it could be just superstition.. So are all OW and ex-OW going to have something bad happen to them? You seem pretty judgemental there..
TXgal Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Heck, I'm an OW and I believe in kharma very much.... not only in one particular circumstance but every area of life... I know my choices and actions of being involved with a MM have come back around to me... I do believe in kharma, I am not judgemental in any way... I can't be, I'm doing the same thing, I just feel that my kharma will come back to me... good or bad... kharma's a biatch. Blah.
zoey15 Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 I believe in Karma, and I thought I was welcoming bad karma in my life for messing w/ a MM. I even had a conversation w/ him about it, but what about good karma? For instance, I take care of four (boys) of my little cousins on the weekends cause their mother is in jail. I write relatives that are in prison. I feed the college students who work for me when they are starving. I scrounge for change when my younger brother needs gas money. So when it comes to a relationship...I think this may happen to me. I may be the W one day & my future husband might have an OW. But then, this could happen to any woman/man. They could've been the most honest, faithful person you could ever meet & they could get screwed over by a cheater. So maybe it's just the luck of the draw for some. I don't know it's life and sometimes life sucks. Sometimes I tell myself that all men are cheaters and that none of them could ever stay faithful to their wives, but I can't do that. It's not fair to all the faithful men out there, so I try to convince myself otherwise. I really feel for the W that gets cheated on, but I have no remorse for the W that stays with a man who continues to cheat on her. Honestly, what type of woman would feel happy w/ a man who disrespects her this way. I think we all have problems, so I'm not saying that I'm perfect cause I have problems with abusive men. I'm just wondering what the hell happened to these women/men who stay in a unfaithful relationship? Does it have something to do w/ the way they were brought up, obviously it has something to do w/ their self esteem, right? I don't know, I'm kinda irrated that I'm letting myself get involved w/ a MM in the first place. It's like I'm using him for a crutch until my LDR becomes final w/ my man moving out here. That's selfish too, I know. I'm just rambling on........sorry.
Author wanda1974 Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 OK, so last time I posted, I had mentioned that I busted my MM out by looking up his divorce int he courts. Of course, after I told him what I did, I didn't hear from him for a few days. Then I wrote him a letter stating that it's my life, my child, my home, and my family he's f***ing with by lying about things. So, he said that he has his own lawyer...blah, blah, blah....and his reason for lying to me about his divorce being in the courts is because he didn't want to lose me. We are now on 8 months, and I absolutely love this man. He is insisting things are going to take time because his W is trying to take a bunch of his properties he owns. I really do want ot believe him, but I don't know what to do. I also asked him what he tells his W when he is with me 2-3 times a week, and he said he tells her he is out of town....he doesn't even travel in his job!!!!!! She can't be that stupid! Also, the past couple of times we've been intimate, he begs me to leave hickeys all over his chest, and to claw up his shoulder blades...this doesn't make sense to me...does he want to be busted???????? Anyway, if anyone can offer me advice on my situation, it would be greatly appreciated. Do I believe him? Is there a chance this could work if I stick it out? Please feel free to ask me any questions...I NEED HELP WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
MyManCantletgo Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 I have only read a couple of your Threads But it soundslike you don't love yourself enough to find someone that loves you enough to at least tell you the truth come on Sweetie if he is lieing to his wife about you and lieing to himself about his divorce then what in the Hell makes you think that he is not lieing to keep you both. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you don't need a man to make you feel whole.First of all you need to ask yourself if he got mad about you confrounting him about his divoce WHY??????? When he was the one that involved you in it in the frist place by letting you know he was in the middle of having papers drawn up. If he did not want you to know then what was the point of him telling you( to better make his lies sound) to get you where he has you now. I know what it is like to be in love with a man that you know and he knows is never goin ganywhere:love: But I too understand that they can be addictive too they are the type of men that are always tring to make up for how baddly they treat thier own wives with the way the treat you. But when your around him and you catch him in a lie ask your self ( IF it walks like a duck and talks like a duck then more then likely IT's WHAT) A DUCK:o. I do wish you the best of luck though in you r future relationship and I have added you to my friends list keep in touch. MyMANCAN"TLETGO
Author wanda1974 Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 In some ways, I do believe what he tells me, aside fromthe flat out lie I busted him in....I do love myself, and know I deserve better, I just can;t turn my feeling off like a lightswitch, though. Do you know of anyone who has been through this situation and it actually did work out for the OW???? Also, are you in this same situation with the name of "mymancantletgo"? Just curious. I know I should probably do the no contact with this man until his divorce is over, but the hard thing about that is we work together, so there has to be a mutual friendship here. Do you have any suggestions I can do to make him hurry things along? Or what can I do to make him want me even more than he already does? I kind of want to make hime think....know what I mean? Also, I am not the type of person that would go to his wife. I had that done to me, and the hurt is DEVISTATING!
lynnered Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 wanda1974, U say U work together ,there does not have to be a "mutual friendship ", Do NC have a profesional relationship , only talk about work related issues ,act happy ,look your best ,focus on U & just keep busy , i dont get the hickey &scratch thing my MM was always paranoid about that stuff, this is not easy i know but please dont waste your precious time stressing over him , live your life,if he comes to U and he left great but accept the fact that he may not,he has 3kids &a history with W, i wasted 4years of my life waiting ,it was all about him, i know he loves me i still love him but that doesnt mean it will work out, i wish U luck keep posting it helps:D
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