toomanyquestions123 Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 I am happy to announce that I am dating someone who i am attracted to him and who is attracted to me, who is very interested in me and head over heals over me, who is very cute and smart with a good career, same cultural and religions background and whom i cant stop thinking about. I am not happy to announce that given that i was broken many times before, im being very paranoid regarding how nice he treats me, how quick he is falling me for me, and how obsessed he is in my interests and everything related to me. He cant stop showering me with gifts and affection and i am just like what does he really want ? why Cant i believe that he genuinely really likes me ? 1
PRW Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 (edited) Experienced women,... know that men who immediately after meeting you: Fall quickObsessed with all things about youShower with giftsShower with affection ...are men who are usually insecure, obsessive, possessive, over emotional, pedestalize the woman, and then crash & burn. If it works out then he will settle down after the newness wears off and he will achieve a more balanced behavor. Although the woman will then freakout because he doesn't seem as excited as he used to be, when the truth is that he just reached a more stable balance. If it doesn't work out so great, guys who behave like that become stalkers at worst or just overbearing at minimum. Edited October 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
FMW Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 I am not happy to announce that given that i was broken many times before, im being very paranoid regarding how nice he treats me, how quick he is falling me for me, and how obsessed he is in my interests and everything related to me. He cant stop showering me with gifts and affection and i am just like what does he really want ? why Cant i believe that he genuinely really likes me ? As PRW noted, those things are valid flags to be be worried about. Your gut instincts are there for a reason and are honed over time - so I don't think you need to pass them off as the result of being "broken many time before". Enjoy the relationship, but take things slow. Time will tell.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 Experienced women,... know that men who immediately after meeting you: Fall quickObsessed with all things about youShower with giftsShower with affection ...are men who are usually insecure, obsessive, possessive, over emotional, pedestalize the woman, and then crash & burn. If it works out then he will settle down after the newness wears off and he will achieve a more balanced behavor. Although the woman will then freakout because he doesn't seem as excited as he used to be, when the truth is that he just reached a more stable balance. If it doesn't work out so great, guys who behave like that become stalkers at worst or just overbearing at minimum. Is someone who really cares and liking someone a redflag nowadays ?
MidwestUSA Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Is someone who really cares and liking someone a redflag nowadays ? If his actions are excessive, yes, they can be. Look up 'love bombing'. Does he make ridiculous demands on your time? Does he always want to know where you are or who you're with? If you needed a day or two of 'space', would he freak out, or become suspicious? I don't want to rain on your parade, and I hope your paranoia is unwarranted. Just enjoy what you've got going, and keep your eyes open and observe. Time will give you the answer.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 If his actions are excessive, yes, they can be. Look up 'love bombing'. Does he make ridiculous demands on your time? Does he always want to know where you are or who you're with? If you needed a day or two of 'space', would he freak out, or become suspicious? I don't want to rain on your parade, and I hope your paranoia is unwarranted. Just enjoy what you've got going, and keep your eyes open and observe. Time will give you the answer. His actions are excessive yes and he is already showing some jealousy signs and " you are mine" statements. But i dont know if its because he is really into me or he has some obsessive issues, he told me that we he wants smth he becomes obsessive about it and will do anything to get it. Plus im playing hard to get with him and its making him crazy also as he is telling me he likes it. I like affection and being treated well but i dont like to talk about stuff that are too early to talk about.
MidwestUSA Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 His actions are excessive yes and he is already showing some jealousy signs and " you are mine" statements. But i dont know if its because he is really into me or he has some obsessive issues, he told me that we he wants smth he becomes obsessive about it and will do anything to get it. Plus im playing hard to get with him and its making him crazy also as he is telling me he likes it. I like affection and being treated well but i dont like to talk about stuff that are too early to talk about. Be very careful. You're challenging him, and he's enjoying it. He may get frustrated with the chase and do something crazy. If/when he wins you over, he may be an entirely different person than you see right now, and probably not for the better. Believe actions over words, but in this case he's giving you words to back it up. Why playing hard to get? Why games? If you're not as serious as he is right now, then you need to let him know, not dangle a carrot in front of him.
MidwestUSA Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 His actions are excessive yes and he is already showing some jealousy signs and " you are mine" statements. But i dont know if its because he is really into me or he has some obsessive issues It's the latter. Is this the way you would want someone who's 'really into you' to act?
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 It's the latter. Is this the way you would want someone who's 'really into you' to act? I live in the middle east, and middle eastern men tend to be controller/obsessive in a way when it comes to women. YET, this creeps me a little bit to be honest. I do not want to ignore redflags but im not sure those are redflags yet, he is very caring. Also, his past annoys me a little bit, he dated a lot, never fell in love, think women are so easy but before meeting me he decided that the first girl that will come and that he will really like he wants to settle for her, and he wants to do everything to please her so he can make things work out because he is 37 and he wants to get married and have a healthy relationship...
guest569 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 How long have you been dating? I hope things work out for you. I am super wary of men who rush in though.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 How long have you been dating? I hope things work out for you. I am super wary of men who rush in though. Met on twitter, chatted for 2 weeks, then we have been dating on mostly daily basis for 2 weeks now; sending flowers and food to my office, admitting that he is falling for me 2 days ago, and does not think about sex or initiated it even.
Occitanie Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 I am happy to announce that I am dating someone who i am attracted to him and who is attracted to me, who is very interested in me and head over heals over me, who is very cute and smart with a good career, same cultural and religions background and whom i cant stop thinking about. I am not happy to announce that given that i was broken many times before, im being very paranoid regarding how nice he treats me, how quick he is falling me for me, and how obsessed he is in my interests and everything related to me. He cant stop showering me with gifts and affection and i am just like what does he really want ? why Cant i believe that he genuinely really likes me ? Lol, this is a perfect example of how women react to nice guys. The guy is showering her with gifts and affection, and shes here asking “I can’t believe he genuinely likes me”, “He can’t stio giving me gifts”, etc... At some point she will get bored of his predictable behaviour and pull away (which is normal with women). She’ll back off and he will panic, he will barage her with messages, ask her what’s going on, etc... and the relationship will end. 95% of men do this.
Occitanie Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 How long have you been dating? I hope things work out for you. I am super wary of men who rush in though. All women react like this to guys who put all their cards on the table.
Occitanie Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Is someone who really cares and liking someone a redflag nowadays ? There’s “caring” and then there’s being “obsessive”. A guy who showers your with affection from the get go is most definitely a red flag. You just wait till the day you pull away, he’ll get into panic mode and bombard you with texts. I’m not saying you should be affectionate if you really like someone... just know that putting girls on a pedestal and making them the centre of your life isn’t the way to go about it.
PRW Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Originally Posted by PRW Experienced women,... know that men who immediately after meeting you: Fall quickObsessed with all things about youShower with giftsShower with affection ...are men who are usually insecure, obsessive, possessive, over emotional, pedestalize the woman, and then crash & burn. If it works out then he will settle down after the newness wears off and he will achieve a more balanced behavor. Although the woman will then freakout because he doesn't seem as excited as he used to be, when the truth is that he just reached a more stable balance. If it doesn't work out so great, guys who behave like that become stalkers at worst or just overbearing at minimum. Is someone who really cares and liking someone a redflag nowadays ? That is not what defines "really cares",...that thinking would also falsely imply that someone who does not do those things "doesn't care". It is obsessive behavor. I shouldn't even have to explain that. 1
guest569 Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Sounds like you're aware that he is obsessive and potentially disgenuine. Only time will tell, 2 weeks is too early to know what he is really like. If he keeps up the extravagant behaviour or relaxes and treats you poorly. I think now is the time to figure out what you are willing to accept and draw boundaries. I suspect you're "playing hard to get" because he is too over the top and smothering you. 1
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 29, 2018 Author Posted October 29, 2018 Sounds like you're aware that he is obsessive and potentially disgenuine. Only time will tell, 2 weeks is too early to know what he is really like. If he keeps up the extravagant behaviour or relaxes and treats you poorly. I think now is the time to figure out what you are willing to accept and draw boundaries. I suspect you're "playing hard to get" because he is too over the top and smothering you. i do believe that time will tell, and it depends on the consistency of his actions, sometimes i do say that this is the honeymoon phase excitement and sometimes i say he is just so much into me and sometimes i say he is possessive and have some insecurities. time will tell....
Dis Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 *Love bombing* Layman's terms...not good. Not good news.
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