Shy Girl: Can't Gauge Interest

[DanielCain]

This is probably going to be a long one.

1st meeting:

 

I met this girl in january at a friend's party. It was in support of an art exhibit debut. I had seen her photo and profile on facebook as an rsvp and wanted to meet her.

 

I recognized her and we chatted for quite a long time. Maybe an hour? She had 2 or 3 drinks and started to loosen up. She moved closer and closer staring into my eyes the whole time, gently touching me with her hand "oops."

 

Unfortunately some weirdos I had met earlier very briefly at another party butted into the conversation. At this point, it became kind of a circus with a ton of random people butting in. I should've just ignored them but being the super polite guy that I am, I welcomed them warmly, and only later realized they were too chicken to talk to her first and waited until they could see she was friendly.

 

Then she had a crowd of guys vying for her attention and our conversation was over. I didn't expect any of this and didn't get her phone number or any contact info. I'm not a big facebook fan so generally don't use that to connect with people. I prefer meeting and talking to them in person.

 

Second meeting:

 

I saw her months later. She was alone at a bench near the pond. She had the phone to her ear, but wasn't talking to anyone. I walked right by her, I didn't want to interrupt as she looked busy.

 

I stopped nearby as I had been planning on going to this very spot. It's a beautiful location. Just a coincidence I suppose. A couple of minutes later she walks towards me. She still has the phone pressed to her ear but hasnt' been talking to anyone. I later suspect she was simply there alone, maybe saw me well ahead of time and tried to act like she was busy because she was self conscious.

 

She is staring right at me and walking towards me so I wave hi. "I'll call you back." There is pretty much no one else around. We talk very briefly. Just for a couple of minutes of random chitchat and then she is off. She puts the phone to her ear again and walks off slowly. No phone conversation still lol.

 

Third meeting:

I see her last week at another art gallery mixer on thursday. I didn't expect to see her there. She walks right past, I say hi, she says hi, keeps on walking. Towards the end of the evening, I catch up with her.

 

She says we haven't seen each other since the random beach meet. She asks when that was, and I attempt a guess. She says "it's been longer than that. It's been a long time." We don't say much to each other. There are long pauses. We mainly just stare into each other's eyes with a bit of conversation mixed in. Why so much staring? I just can't tell how interested she is, so it's largely out of confusion.

 

She mentions that there is going to be a winery soft opening early saturday evening. She gives me details about the event and asks if I am going. I say yes, but not sure if I'll actually go as there are multiple parties on this halloween weekend.

 

I say it's great to see her again, how do I get in contact with her again. She says facebook. I don't ask for her phone number. Everyone bails at this point and we all go our separate ways.

 

She seems very quiet and shy. I can't gauge her interest level at all. I don't like to make a move of asking for a number and then date unless I sense strong interest. Why bother? I'll probably see her again anyway, as there are many holiday parties in the next few months.

 

So, long story short: how do I gauge interest with a seemingly shy girl. She is very non-expressive and quiet so I don't have much insight into what she's thinking or how she feels. I feel like she was more open and honest the first time, and has been very reluctant to say much of anything the last couple of times.

 

 

If I had to guess her interest level, I would say "high" initially, "low" the second time and "low/medium" the third time. I don't see great prospects for this one quite frankly.

Edited October 25, 2018 by DanielCain

[basil67]

There's nothing here to indicate ongoing interest on her part. Combine that with the fact you can't read her and she's non-expressive, I'd suggest you pass on this one. Safe yourself for someone who's keen and easy to connect with.

[MaleIntuition]

You could gauge it by asking her out on a date? Seems the easiest way.

[d0nnivain]

Asking her on a date seems to be your best bet.

[DanielCain]

I'm pretty sure she wasn't talking to anyone on the phone the second time I saw her. She was feeling self conscious about being alone. I don't see a problem hanging out at a scenic park alone, but maybe she did. So that's why she left so soon.

 

 

 

The third time, she seemed upset that I couldn't place the exact date or even the month of the last time we saw each other. The only thing that made her happy is that I remembered her name. Probably because we spoke for an hour the first time.

 

 

Yes, she is very quiet and not very expressive so I am reluctant to ask her out quite frankly. I won't unless there is more clarity here.

 

 

We tend to run into each other from time to time, there's no benefit to pushing.

[DanielCain]

You could gauge it by asking her out on a date? Seems the easiest way.

 

 

My intuition tells me this is not the move to make right now. I live in a town of a little over 100,000 but it feels very small and there is a ton of gossip. I feel very tentative in this situation.

[d0nnivain]

A "little" town of a 100,000. Are you kidding? I live in a small town < 5,000.

[PRW]

This is probably going to be a long one.

Let me fix that with my shortened version:

 

1st meeting:

I met this girl.

I had seen her profile on facebook, I recognized her and we chatted.

She moved closer and was gently touching me with her hand.

I got "cock-blocked" without getting her number

 

Second meeting:

I saw her months later.

I walked right by her (chickened out on the approach)

I stopped nearby (I lingered around).

She walks towards me.

We talk very briefly, she leaves.

No progress, uneventful

 

Third meeting:

I see her last week at another <event>

She walks right past, I say hi, she says hi, keeps on walking.

I catch up with her later.

We don't say much to each other. There are long pauses.

I imagine we are staring into each others eyes, but is probably me projecting what I am feeling.

She gives me details about another event and asks if I am going. I say yes

I ask how do I get in contact with her again. She says facebook.

I don't ask for her phone number.

The 1st meeting there may have been some interest at first. But allowing yourself to be cock-blocked made you look timid, weak, not someone who would take charge.

 

The 2nd meeting you acted creepy by not acknowledging her immediately and then lingering nearby in her path so she came near you as she was leaving. Awkward conversation ensues but goes nowhere.

 

The 3rd meeting she walks right past you and wouldn't have even said anything if you hadn't said something first which forced her to acknowledge you as to not seem rude. There was a little light small talk, but when pressed for contact information she says "Facebook" which translates into "You are not getting my number dude". You failed to ask for her number, but she probably would have just said "Facebook" if you did ask. Facebook gives her an easy way to keep a little distance and "wait you out" till you give up.

 

So if there was a little interest at the first meeting, it is certainly gone now.

 

A lot of times there is a narrow window of opportunity,...your window was at the 1st meeting beginning when you first started talking to her, and brutally ended when the cock-blockers arrived.

Edited October 25, 2018 by PRW

[preraph]

First, she's not shy at all. You met her at a party and she is social and goes to social gatherings. She's not shy. She came up and talked to you at the park or whatever it was, when you didn't talk to her. She talked your leg off at the party you met at. So shyness isn't holding her back. So now just going with that she is not shy but perfectly capable of being social, replay everything and see whether she seems interested or casual or what.

 

But meanwhile, you can always just ask her out. That's how you find out if someone is interested. She is an acquaintance at this point, so there's nothing odd about you asking her out.

[DanielCain]

First, she's not shy at all. You met her at a party and she is social and goes to social gatherings. She's not shy. She came up and talked to you at the park or whatever it was, when you didn't talk to her. She talked your leg off at the party you met at. So shyness isn't holding her back. So now just going with that she is not shy but perfectly capable of being social, replay everything and see whether she seems interested or casual or what.

 

But meanwhile, you can always just ask her out. That's how you find out if someone is interested. She is an acquaintance at this point, so there's nothing odd about you asking her out.

 

 

How about soft-spoken then? I don't know exactly how to characterize her, just an off the cuff term. Don't hold me to it. I replayed the situations by posting and the conclusion I reach is, I don't know. I tried to be as objective as possible.

 

Anyway, she invited me to the winery thing so I'll drop by and go from there.

[preraph]

How about soft-spoken then? I don't know exactly how to characterize her, just an off the cuff term. Don't hold me to it. I replayed the situations by posting and the conclusion I reach is, I don't know. I tried to be as objective as possible.

 

Anyway, she invited me to the winery thing so I'll drop by and go from there.

 

I think her telling you about the winery thing is something she might not have done if she was totally not at all interested, so go and then see how she acts there. See if she hangs out with you. Then if she is friendly there, message her on Facebook and ask her to something.

[MaleIntuition]

My intuition tells me this is not the move to make right now. I live in a town of a little over 100,000 but it feels very small and there is a ton of gossip. I feel very tentative in this situation.

 

But what’s the big deal though? She might say no, if that’s gossip worthy in your town you really need to move...

[PRW]

How about soft-spoken then? I don't know exactly how to characterize her, just an off the cuff term. Don't hold me to it.

 

I think I laid it out pretty clear.

 

Anyway, she invited me to the winery thing so I'll drop by and go from there.

She didn't invite you to anything. She asked you if you were going,...that is all. She was already going whether you were or not. It could have just been a conversation item just to be friendly. There didn't seem to be any enthusiastic response such as "Great! Hope to see you there!"