WIDESTI Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Please give me some advice as I’m lost and don’t know what to do. Been seeing this girl at work. She is married (she’s not committed so I hope I posted in the right section ) but separated and going through a divorce with two kids. Her soon to be ex husband has a new gf with a kid on the way and moved the new gf into their home. Know that As I’m a realtor so I helped her get a place and that’s when we started talking and developing a relationship. Tonight her husband finds out. Calls me and tries to be the tough guy and I said let’s meet up then he backs out and tells me they are trying to work it out going to counseling and just all this bs because I saw he served her divorce papers. He just doesn’t want me seeing her. What should I do? He has her phone and I’m just concerned about her safety and her kids. I really don’t know my place in this and where is crossing the line. (I have a 7 year old with a half-sister and I coparent very well so I know how sticky the situation can get in the beginning)
basil67 Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 You say that you're concerned for the safety of your girl and the kids. Does she share your concern? Just wanting to figure out if there is real risk before I give advice.
Author WIDESTI Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 You say that you're concerned for the safety of your girl and the kids. Does she share your concern? Just wanting to figure out if there is real risk before I give advice. I will find out tomorrow at work as he took her phone and contacted me. I don know of her situation at the moment. He was acting really controlling over her on the phone.
BaileyB Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Well, if what she has told you is true that they are in the process of divorce, he has another girlfriend, and they are expecting a baby... he has no right to be upset that she has moved on and is dating someone else. However, that doesn’t mean that it is a wise decision for you to get involved in their family drama. If this woman has children with this man, he will be in her life for years.
Author WIDESTI Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 Well, if what she has told you is true that they are in the process of divorce, he has another girlfriend, and they are expecting a baby... he has no right to be upset that she has moved on and is dating someone else. However, that doesn’t mean that it is a wise decision for you to get involved in their family drama. If this woman has children with this man, he will be in her life for years. Completely understand and that’s the boundary where I don’t want to step over.
Artdeco Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 It sounds concerning that he “took” her phone. Wtf
Author WIDESTI Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 It sounds concerning that he “took” her phone. Wtf Yes when we talking he kept calling her names on the phones but texted my all night from her phone all calm. Will update on what I find out this morning. I just want her and her kids to be ok.
FMW Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 My advice would be to keep your distance from her until the divorce is final. If you think she and her children are at risk from her husband then let her friends or family know so others are keeping an eye on the situation and can take action if necessary. Your presence may actually make things worse for her right now. Obviously he has no room to be making threats if he's with his pregnant girlfriend, but the fact is that until the divorce goes through he's still her husband. It's clear he's going to cause drama, so I would steer clear until they get things legally finalized. 1
snowcones Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 My first thought is that they have unfinished business still and I'd stay away from it. Do not contact her by phone anymore. If you see her in person, tell her that you hope she stays safe and when her business is finished (i.e. divorced finalized) to contact you. There is a real risk that they could get back together and you have no idea what she is telling him or if even what she is telling you is completely true.
clia Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 This seems like a mess and I don't know why you would want to get involved in any of it. How did he take her phone and text you from it all night? Where was she during all this? Is she still living with him? It really makes me wonder if she is trying to somehow make him jealous as a ploy to win him back. Tread very carefully.
Author WIDESTI Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 Thank you all for your responses. So found out when she was at urgent care he came to sign some bank paperwork and he took it from her. She had no idea. Yup what a mess!
BTDT2012 Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 I think you should exit this situation. Let them work out whatever needs to be worked out.
ABernie Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 If you see her at work, just a simple, "I'm here for you if you need me" and leave it at that. They have things to work through.
misspalmy Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Thats a hard one. could always just date as friends
Lotus_Luna Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Please give me some advice as I’m lost and don’t know what to do. Been seeing this girl at work. She is married (she’s not committed so I hope I posted in the right section ) but separated and going through a divorce with two kids. Her soon to be ex husband has a new gf with a kid on the way and moved the new gf into their home. Know that As I’m a realtor so I helped her get a place and that’s when we started talking and developing a relationship. Tonight her husband finds out. Calls me and tries to be the tough guy and I said let’s meet up then he backs out and tells me they are trying to work it out going to counseling and just all this bs because I saw he served her divorce papers. He just doesn’t want me seeing her. What should I do? He has her phone and I’m just concerned about her safety and her kids. I really don’t know my place in this and where is crossing the line. (I have a 7 year old with a half-sister and I coparent very well so I know how sticky the situation can get in the beginning) Maybe my opinion is colored due to my experience but he sounds controlling and abusive. What was her reaction to this? I confined the abuse I was enduring to the OM. He didn’t get involved, but I didn’t want him to. I think you need to ask her where she stands. Right now you’re not a family so it’s a big grey area. At some point she or you will certainly need to lay boundaries. Communication with her is key. The area is just too complicated to ask online.
Author WIDESTI Posted October 31, 2018 Author Posted October 31, 2018 Maybe my opinion is colored due to my experience but he sounds controlling and abusive. What was her reaction to this? I confined the abuse I was enduring to the OM. He didn’t get involved, but I didn’t want him to. I think you need to ask her where she stands. Right now you’re not a family so it’s a big grey area. At some point she or you will certainly need to lay boundaries. Communication with her is key. The area is just too complicated to ask online. thank you i understand where you are coming from. It is complicated as it seems as though he doesn't want her to be happy. However in reading other threads no matter how 'separated' they are. she is still MARRIED. She has shown me the divorce papers and for it to be finished may take a while since he is trying to get her to pay spousal. (though he's the one who got his gf pregnant) I have established with her that even though they are separated they are a family and there are lines and boundaries that I cant and dont have a say in. I said we can talk/date but personally I can't make a full commitment since she is still 'married'.
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