confused..... Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 I began seeing "sally" after meeting her at a convention. She approached me. I tracked down her email and we were off to the races, after weeks of exchanging emails we went out. We had a wonderful time, nice dinner etc. A kiss goodnight and she was gone. In the past I had always called the girl, but this time was different I didn't want nor need to. I felt confident and comfortable. Well she called and a few nights later we went out again. This went on for some time, the initial stages of dating. It was fun and happy, she called almost everynight and in 3-4 months we never missed a day speaking to eachother, saying goodnight. Most days we would talk 2 or 3 times. 1 night she called and told me she almost had an anxiety attack, that she had written me a letter but couldn't send it. That her emotions were taking control and she needed to be in control. She had told me previously she was scared, she didn't know what was happening to her and what I was doing. That every relationship she had been in was terrible she would always get hurt and that she never had any expectations. But I had done something to her. But she wanted to slow it down, to continue talking and hanging out. By this time she knew I had developed feelings, I had told her. I think that is what begun to scare her. Well some 4 months later after this talk, we still talk...almost every night she calls me. We see eachother once if not twice a week (we live in seperate towns). She has told me we are just friends, and that is how we go about things. We do "couple" things though. We buy each other gifts and dinner, and as I have said she always calls me to say goodnight. Knowing full well my feelings are deeper and that i do want to date her. She calls me when she travels to let me know she got there safely and we have both been to our siblings weddings together. She went on a dinner date and felt she should tell me, but didn't want to because it was only dinner. She still called me afterwards. I have done many nice things. Sometimes she gets mad that i do them. the last one was a gesture from the heart....she always complained her parents never visited her and how excited she would be. so I did something about it. I got them train tickets and a hotel and they surprised her. but rather than a smile and a hug she just gave me the cold shoulder. that was 2 days ago. the girl who calls everynight hasn't called. she has only text msged me, i haven't responded. i feel she has feelings, otherwise she wouldn't keep coming around. and i want to call her, friends (if that is what we are) air their differences. but i think she likes me, and she doesn't or isn't ready and that i scare her because it is what she wants. I threaten her. Rather than sit and work it out and follow her heart it is easiest to push me away.... I received an email last night (day 4 since we haven't spoken) telling me she did appreciate what i did and she wanted to check in. but she is overwhelmed by my feelings and my efforts to make her happy. That she didn't want to fight nor lose touch but that she needed a little space. That she hoped we could catch up soon. I know many of you will say--hello the writing is on the wall---she doesn't have THOSE feelings. But I do believe she does, and is afraid. But i can't force her to feel that way about me. it has been a while since i felt this way about someone, and that scares me, usually i can read someones actions and feelings well, now i am questioning just that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 You already know the answers. You just don't want to hear or accept them. But I do believe she does, and is afraid. But i can't force her to feel that way about me. At some point you will have to realize that you just have to stop trying. It is unfortunate that she can't just be truthful with you about this instead of feeding you well-intentioned false hope in an effort to keep from hurting you. She said she needs "space". That means you HAVE TO give her space. Do not call her. Do not write her. Do not text her. Do not go see her. Do not contact her in any way. Do not send her any gifts, cards, or flowers or anything of the sort. A person who needs 'space' is setting a pace they are comfortable with. In this case, she is more comfortable hearing from you only when she initiates it, and only on her terms. You have no choice but to match that pace and do things exactly as she wants them: meaning you do not have contact with her - she has to do 100% of the contacting. If you fail to do this, you will notice that 'needing space' includes her never speaking to you again. I can guarantee you that as soon as she finds a guy that she is 100% romantically and sexually interested in, all that "fear" will disappear. Unfortunately, you are considerably lower on that percentage, so you'll have to accept that what you are getting from her is probably the best you'll ever have with her.
DeaconFrost Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Yup, I'd say your pretty f*cked dude. Stop kidding yourself. She's not at the same level you are and probably will never be. Screw the friends thing (unless your cool with just that) and move on. That's your only choice
Author confused..... Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 and now a phone call from her checking in. She asks for space in an email, than 3 days later she calls. I didn't answer, nor call her back. She left a message. I am not sure what to do....any ideas?
fundamental Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 and now a phone call from her checking in. She asks for space in an email, than 3 days later she calls. I didn't answer, nor call her back. She left a message. I am not sure what to do....any ideas? She does not know what she wants. You should re-read and believe the responses of LucreziaBorgia and DeaconFrost. She is treating you like a possession not a potential boyfriend. She can establish space yet can call you whenever she wants????? She is controlling the pace of the entire situation... don't you have a say in it??? So, not only are you a possession, you are a the child in this relationship. Aren't you the man? Show her you are the man and don't give a s***! Show her you have some b****! If she is truly confused, then that is HER problem. You have to look out for yourself...especially in this situation
Iluvsiamese Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Sounds a bit like a commitment phobe. Let her go. You will only end up on an emotional merry-go-round that will make you plenty sick.
Recommended Posts