ar1489 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Hi Friends I'm a member of a city gym where there is a lot of camaraderie. The place is small, mostly focused around group classes, and a lot of people know each other. Recently, a guy from my gym asked me out and after a little back and forth we went for a coffee last week. He has texted me a few times since, small talk but he throws in some flirty & meaningful things that relate back to the in person convos we have had, and I've been toying with the idea of asking him to hang out again/grab a drink. The issue I'm facing now is that we both go to the gym the same time everyday, and often times take the same classes. Basically, I see him in passing every morning, but most times he doesn't even make the effort to give me a nod, a good morning, or a hey how are ya, before or after class! I'm thinking maybe he's shy but, is this just weird or could he not be into me? Or is that just gym protocol so that we can both enjoy and go about our normal workouts and then potentially enjoy dates outside of the gym? Just wondering if I should be putting an effort into this or considering it dead.
crismero Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 For some reason he does not want to talk about it in the gym. Shy? Insecure? Having brave moments only when texting?... Therefore, try and answer a text in similar banter, in similar tone, and suggest another meet up in the text. See where it goes.
FMW Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Hey, sorry, like a lot of the posters here I'm kind of jaded but..... My first thought is that maybe there's someone else at the gym he's interested in and he doesn't want to be seen flirting with you. Even if he wants to keep it cool at the gym he could at least smile and say hi. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 If he's not even so much as looking at you, I'd consider this dead & just co-exist with him at the gym like he's the stranger he was before you had coffee. Don't make things more awkward. 3
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 Maybe you didn't respond well to his advances and finds you a loss cause. Why aren't you just going up to him and greet him in a warm friendly manner? Why is this on him to do?
Lotsgoingon Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 I assumed you were gonna ask: should I risk dating a guy who I share the same workout place and times with? Instead, the guy doesn't greet you outside of a date. Absolutely avoid dating him ... I can't imagine going out with a woman at a gym and then running into her at the gym and her not giving me a warm hello ... Something is up with this guy ... No, shyness ain't it. Shy people mumble hello and nervously say hello all the time--especially to someone who they have been out with socially. This behavior is a red flag. When someone acts this strange, really it's best to avoid trying to figure out what's going on. (Someone throws a rock at you. You don't need to figure it out. Avoid the oncoming rock!) The guy has a serious deficit in courtesy and a serious lack of social skills. At best he's playing you in some way with his hot-cold treatment. Red flag. Red flag. Red flag ... on any serious dating pursuit. 2
hippychick3 Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 I assumed you were gonna ask: should I risk dating a guy who I share the same workout place and times with? Instead, the guy doesn't greet you outside of a date. Absolutely avoid dating him ... I can't imagine going out with a woman at a gym and then running into her at the gym and her not giving me a warm hello ... Something is up with this guy ... No, shyness ain't it. Shy people mumble hello and nervously say hello all the time--especially to someone who they have been out with socially. This behavior is a red flag. When someone acts this strange, really it's best to avoid trying to figure out what's going on. (Someone throws a rock at you. You don't need to figure it out. Avoid the oncoming rock!) The guy has a serious deficit in courtesy and a serious lack of social skills. At best he's playing you in some way with his hot-cold treatment. Red flag. Red flag. Red flag ... on any serious dating pursuit. I agree with this. This guy isn't shy. He's kind of rude. I can't imagine going on a date with someone and them giving me the cold shoulder in public afterwards. Forget this guy, OP. 1
Author ar1489 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 I agree with this. This guy isn't shy. He's kind of rude. I can't imagine going on a date with someone and them giving me the cold shoulder in public afterwards. Forget this guy, OP. thanks. you're probably right, ill try to cut him off in my mind. 1
PRW Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 Recently, a guy from my gym asked me out and after a little back and forth we went for a coffee last week. He has texted me a few times since, small talk but he throws in some flirty & meaningful things that relate back to the in person convos we have had, and I've been toying with the idea of asking him to hang out again/grab a drink. The issue I'm facing now is that we both go to the gym the same time everyday, and often times take the same classes. Basically, I see him in passing every morning, but most times he doesn't even make the effort to give me a nod, a good morning, or a hey how are ya, before or after class! I'm thinking maybe he's shy but, is this just weird or could he not be into me? Or is that just gym protocol so that we can both enjoy and go about our normal workouts and then potentially enjoy dates outside of the gym? Oh come'on!! You finally get a guy who seems like he has his act together. He knows how to interact with women, while at the same time respecting their "space" and not acting like a stalker, not monopolizing your space and time while you are there to get a workout...and you complain??? Another thing,...you had one date,...one. You are not his girlfriend, he is not your boyfriend. You are both still free to see other people (and probably should be),...and it looks like he is showing you the courtesy and leaving you the room to do just that and to talk and hang out with other guys besides just him. Yes,...it is also gym protocol to an extent as well.
alphamale Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 Hi Friends I'm a member of a city gym where there is a lot of camaraderie. The place is small, mostly focused around group classes, and a lot of people know each other. Recently, a guy from my gym asked me out and after a little back and forth we went for a coffee last week. He has texted me a few times since, small talk but he throws in some flirty & meaningful things that relate back to the in person convos we have had, and I've been toying with the idea of asking him to hang out again/grab a drink. The issue I'm facing now is that we both go to the gym the same time everyday, and often times take the same classes. Basically, I see him in passing every morning, but most times he doesn't even make the effort to give me a nod, a good morning, or a hey how are ya, before or after class! I'm thinking maybe he's shy but, is this just weird or could he not be into me? Or is that just gym protocol so that we can both enjoy and go about our normal workouts and then potentially enjoy dates outside of the gym? Just wondering if I should be putting an effort into this or considering it dead. basically he wants to keep his options open. he doesn't want other girls at the gym to know you two are dating so that he can go out with them too. that's my take but I could be wrong 1
Author ar1489 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 This He tried to approach you and you didn't ask him out. He doesn't want to appear needy nor wants to annoy you, so he thinks you are not interested, that's why he is not talking to you. ugh! that's where my mind goes too. and i'd be happy to ask him out. he already told me he had been getting the courage to ask me for ages (and I did see him try to approach me/chat to me a couple times) so i would have to assume that he was interested. but based on responses, I'm very torn. Either he's completely not interested/playing me/a general scumbag, or he doesn't want to be a creep and pursue me too hard and I should put forth some of my own effort. decisions...
PRW Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 ugh! that's where my mind goes too. and i'd be happy to ask him out. he already told me he had been getting the courage to ask me for ages (and I did see him try to approach me/chat to me a couple times) so i would have to assume that he was interested. That part is not good to hear. A guy should never have to "get up the courage",...that means he doesn't have the courage naturally,...which is bad. But, anyway, no one is perfect I guess, he seemed to do well enough when you went out the first time. but based on responses, I'm very torn. Either he's completely not interested/playing me/a general scumbag, or he doesn't want to be a creep and pursue me too hard and I should put forth some of my own effort. Well all the times you complained that he did not approach or initiate,...you didn't either. So, somebody has to "blink" first,...so blink. It is not like he is going to tape you in a chair and pull your fingernails off. He will either respond positively or he will say he can't and has something else going on (which there is nothing wrong with that if he does). Keep it clean, respectful, and friendly no matter the outcome. You both still need to be around each other in the gym no matter what happens.
Gretchen12 Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 I think he doesn't want either of you to have to give up that gym should it not work out between you. To me that's kind of cool, to have two versions of the same guy - date guy and gym guy, separate. 1
PRW Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 (edited) I think he doesn't want either of you to have to give up that gym should it not work out between you. To me that's kind of cool, to have two versions of the same guy - date guy and gym guy, separate. Yes, exactly. That is what I saw in him back in the first message. I also go to the gym at times and have noticed that people who are clearly dating almost always eventually break up and then one of both doesn't come back to the Gym. Others that seem to keep their personal situations "under wraps" seem to have more longevity. Edited October 24, 2018 by PRW 1
Author ar1489 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 Oh come'on!! You finally get a guy who seems like he has his act together. He knows how to interact with women, while at the same time respecting their "space" and not acting like a stalker, not monopolizing your space and time while you are there to get a workout...and you complain??? Another thing,...you had one date,...one. You are not his girlfriend, he is not your boyfriend. You are both still free to see other people (and probably should be),...and it looks like he is showing you the courtesy and leaving you the room to do just that and to talk and hang out with other guys besides just him. Yes,...it is also gym protocol to an extent as well. hahaha thank you. i appreciate the tough love, i am an overthinker who needs sense smacked into them
iamme10 Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Haha I can relate to this as the guy in the situation. If I asked a girl out from the gym and got mixed signals on the date, I'd probably be a bit awkward/shy next time I saw her and not really know how to act. In fact, I've definitely done a bit of the 'ignoring' game before to try and give the girl her space... I'd say text him or say hi in the gym and see what happens. He may just be playing it cool since he doesn't know where you stand...
Saracena Posted October 28, 2018 Posted October 28, 2018 Haha I can relate to this as the guy in the situation. If I asked a girl out from the gym and got mixed signals on the date, I'd probably be a bit awkward/shy next time I saw her and not really know how to act. In fact, I've definitely done a bit of the 'ignoring' game before to try and give the girl her space... I'd say text him or say hi in the gym and see what happens. He may just be playing it cool since he doesn't know where you stand... Interesting this since if I were on the receiving end of this 'ignoring', I'd think the guy in question was giving me huge hint he was no longer interested.
Recommended Posts