dazdncnfusd Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 I am new to this site as of today and so glad I found it. Here is my "story". This man approached me at a fundraiser about 2 months ago, We talked for a couple of hours. He said he was going through a "nasty divorce". We dated a couple of times and he confided that he is still living in the same house with his wife, her children and grand children. He tells me that she has filed for divorce but wants to take his house, that is why he won't move out. He says he pays all the bills, and the "don't share a bed". He calls me every day from his cell phone. We do go out in public together to parties and restaurants where mutual friends know both of us. But, he is recently, he has not been available on days when we have planned to go out. Last weekend was my birthday and a holiday weekend. He called Saturday morning to say he would be here to take me out. Well, he didn't contact me again until Tuesday...yes, I was furious!!! He said he was "sick" all weekend and couldn't call. He got down on his knees and told me he loves me but I need to be patient for a couple more weeks. He says he is waiting for an insurance settlement that is in both names, when that comes thru and they settle that issue, we are going to start getting our "future plans" in order. I am fed up and just left him a message about an hour ago, saying that we WILL talk this weekend and that he needs to decide what he wants and what he is willing to do in order to be with me. I will not be a doormat or a fool for this man any longer. I would appreciate input from anyone who has "been there/done that" or just your thoughts on this issue. Thanks!
smile95 Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 from experience....have him call you when he is divorced. It is a long process(esp if he still lives there and there are kids involved). Please....the longer you wait, the more miserable it gets. If he truly loves you, he will speed things up and get out. It is always up to you, but make the right choices.
Author dazdncnfusd Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 He showed up last weekend with the divorce papers in hand. He wanted to make sure I read them and believed him. Well, now I have proof of that much anyhow. There was a BIG blow up this weekend...while he was sleeping, she went through his wallet and searched the records on his cell phone. She now knows about me. She didn't try to contact me, just confronted him and said that she has the ammunition she wanted to take him for everything he has. (She only works part time and has HER daughter and HER grandchildren living there with them) According to his side of the story, this is what she was after, a reason to get the house and the bank account. Since she is the one who filed for divorce in the first place, I just don't get this whole vindictive thing. Am I stupid or what? When I filed for my divorce, I just wanted OUT!!! I didn't take anything that I didn't bring into the marriage. Well, anyhow...he has an appointment this week with his attorney to get this overwith...FINALLY! I'm not justifying anything here. I guess I just needed to sound off about all the issues involved in this type of relationship. I hope things work out for us now but, if they don't...live, learn and move on. If anyone out there has hope for the future with your MM, please just know that it is a long drawn out process with many ups and downs. You need to have patience and hope. Those are the hardest things for me to cope with right now.
Owl Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Just remember...it's not over until IT'S OVER. He could still very easily waffle back and forth on this...and so can his wife. I'm a BS (betrayed spouse)...my wife had an emotional affair and was all set to leave me and our kids to go live with someone she'd NEVER met face to face. It's not surprising that his wife reacted the way she did. Realize that there is still a big difference between ending a marriage because things 'just didn't work out' and ending it because he's spent all of his emotional support on someone else...it's ALWAYS going to hurt, no matter where you're at in the relationship. From her perspective, he's betrayed her in the worst possible way...and right now she wants to get even. It won't do any good to do so, but she's wanting to hurt him as much as he hurt her. Be careful in trusting everything he says too much...simply because if he's been able to hide his relationship from her this long, he's obviously skilled at deceiving those that he cares about. Watch out for signs that he's going back to her...because that really is the most common outcome of these kinds of situations. Regardless, I wish you well, and hope things work out the best that they can for all of you involved in this situation.
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