Jim23 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 My ex left me 2 weeks ago. She has traits of bpd and kind of just ignored me for 5 days, then sent me some mixed messages and then apologised for contacting me and said there's nothing left to talk about. She had gone for 2 or 3 days periods regularly where she would refuse to speak to me. Our last row she got physical and it was over something so small. This was something I could never come to terms with, how she could react to something that I deemed trivial. I seem to be getting worse at coping with the break up. I miss her so much. I feel such crippling anxiety about her, what she's doing, what's she's thinking, if its just me in a world of pain. I have gone no contact. Will she try and come back? How can I pick myself back up?
FMW Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Yes, she'll probably pop back into your life. But she'll also likely pop right back out again. And the cycle will just repeat itself, over and over. You need to block her from having any contact with you by phone or text and avoid places as much as possible where you know you might run into her. There's no easy way out, it will hurt for quite a while, but remove her from your life for good. If you don't, you know what to expect - over and over again.
kpv619 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 My ex left me 2 weeks ago. She has traits of bpd and kind of just ignored me for 5 days, then sent me some mixed messages and then apologised for contacting me and said there's nothing left to talk about. She had gone for 2 or 3 days periods regularly where she would refuse to speak to me. Our last row she got physical and it was over something so small. This was something I could never come to terms with, how she could react to something that I deemed trivial. I seem to be getting worse at coping with the break up. I miss her so much. I feel such crippling anxiety about her, what she's doing, what's she's thinking, if its just me in a world of pain. I have gone no contact. Will she try and come back? How can I pick myself back up? I've been going through a similar experience. I'd recommend to talk to a family member or friend on the phone about the situation. Remember that things are only going to improve. Stay STRONG!
Downtown Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 She has traits of BPD.... I seem to be getting worse at coping with the break up.Jim, if she has strong BPD traits as we discussed a week ago, leaving her is going to be very painful. The primary reason is that a person with strong traits likely experienced a trauma in early childhood that prevented her from learning important coping skills and developing a strong self identity. This is why an untreated BPDer typically has the emotional development of a four year old. And this is why a BPDer typically exhibits the warmth, exuberance, vulnerability, and purity of expressions that otherwise are only seen in young children. The result is that walking away from a BPD loved one feels like you're abandoning a sick young child who, despite her tantrums and abuse, must dearly love and need you (in the immature way that young children are able to love). If you stay, however, your enabling behavior will continue to harm her by preventing her from confronting her own issues and learning to manage them. Moreover, your presence in the home will frequently harm her by triggering her great fears of abandonment and engulfment. For articles on the painful process of walking away, I recommend Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with BPD and the article, No Contact: The Right Way. Another good article is Pain of Breaking Up at the Psychology Today website. If you have further questions, I will be glad to discuss them you.
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