harnold Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 (edited) Now OBVIOUSLY this varies and is highly specific to the individual relationship. But I'm just wondering, what do you guys think is a healthy time frame to drop certain milestones on the relationship? Specifically - saying "I love you", and meeting the parents / friends. My gf of 6months and I recently broke up, and I feel that part of the reason was that she very serious about the relationship, and that she thought I didnt take the relationship as seriously as her. We said I love you within the first 3-6 months (she's hispanic, so basically it went like Te Quero -> Te Amo -> I love you), and I viewed that as healthy. I'm a bit standoffish, so I had some trouble saying it at first, but that was very brief. But as far as meeting parents/friends, I think thats where some larger conflict was. I met her mom at around 2.5months in (my gf lives at home, and her mom basically busted in on us having sex one time), so it was a bit awkward. But I tried my best to recover and have a conversation with her later, which went fairly well. After that, my gf seemed hesitant to reintroduce me to her family, although the mom/uncle wanted to meet me again. We were going to make plans to have a formal get together at Thanksgiving (before we broke up, obviously). I probably should have pushed more for trying to meet her family, but I didnt. Honestly, it just didnt strike me at the time. Side note: I asked my gf if her mom said anything about me after meeting me, and the gf basically said that she didnt say too much about me. Bad sign? Lol Now, my "family" is just me and my mom. I live with her, so whenever my gf came over, my moms door would be closed and she would never get the chance to meet her. Sometimes, my gf would ask why she never met my mom. THE TRUTH WAS (and I told her this) TWOFOLD: 1) personally, I didnt see it as a big deal, and would be fine if they met. But its just that in my past relationships, that usually happened around months 4-6. 2) my mother is actually going through severe depression nowadays due to issues with work, and is generally very isolated. So I didnt want to impose anything on her (my mom actually got into an argument with me about "why" she had to meet my gf - to give some backstory as far as how withdrawn she has become) I did tell my gf recently within the past month or so that I would love it if they could meet soon, as I had recently gotten my mom to agree to it - but this was literally towards the end of the relationship, and I imagine my gf had already checked out of the relationship at this point/didnt believe me. NOW, these are definitely not the only reasons the relationship fell apart, but I think it was part of a large context where my gf basically thought I didnt take the relationship seriously. What do you guys think? What do you think are proper milestones for meeting the parents, etc, and did I definitely mishandle this? This is probably a bit of a rhetorical question, as I'm fairly certain she thought I wasnt as serious as her (she talked about marriage quite a bit), but its mostly a question about milestone timeframes. My (and her) friends seem to be of the belief that it "says a lot" that I never brought her around to the parents, but I honestly didnt mean for it to. It was just not what I was used to in my previous serious relationships Edited October 23, 2018 by harnold
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 There was nothing wrong with your milestones or lack of. Meeting your mom between 4-6 months was reasonable. The reasons why your gf didn't meet her sooner is legitimate as well. You have nothing to feel bad about. Your girlfriend talking about marriage under 6 months dating was rushing. If you're both living home I imagine you're still students or not financially independent yet so why talk marriage at all. Her ignoring your discomfort at meeting your mom too fast is telling of her type of character and lack of understanding and patience. Your break up may be a blessing.
grassisorisntgreener Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 How old are you two? Are you in school?
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 How old are you two? Are you in school? History shows they're 30 and 28.
Author harnold Posted October 23, 2018 Author Posted October 23, 2018 How old are you two? Are you in school? I'm 30, she's 26. She just started grad school. Why? History shows they're 30 and 28. Wow, I was kinda freaked out when you guessed my age. I'm guessing you saw that from my post history? That was a different relationship haha
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Wow, I was kinda freaked out when you guessed my age. I'm guessing you saw that from my post history? That was a different relationship haha I'm good eh! Yes I checked your history. 1
Recommended Posts