Woggle Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 As people know I am dating a woman right now and everything is going well except for one thing. I try and try to find something wrong with her and I can't. Everybody has at least one flaw so she has to have something. I am just scared that there will be other issues down the road. I know how women can put on a great show and then change later on down the road but I really don't think this is the case. I have very good insticnts about people and she just has this goodenergy about her. She seems very real but I am afraid that something later on down the road will surface. Am I just scared because this has the potential to bloom ino a long term relationship? I thought women like her didn't exist anymore. Did I luck out and meet a good one. Also should I be worried that she is 41 and has never been married. She has a had a few boyfriends and is on good terms with most of them. She has traveled all over the world so maybe that is why. I honest to god have never connected witha woman like this before. It is almost magical like god wants us to be together. I just wonder if this is all too good to be true and I will get my heart ripped out again.
betterwife Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 I think all of the experience she had in life have made her into a wonderful person
Art_Critic Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 she is 41 and has never been married. Woogle.. You need to stop looking at things with a magnifying glass. First off.. You two are a new item. People have their good behavior on for 6 months or so so she is onlt showing you the good stuff to keep you interested. This is a good thing.. It means she thinks you are a keeper. If I had to pick on something this is almost alway's a huge red flag "41 and has never been married".. there is a reason and it isn't that she put her energy into her carreer. Good luck woogle..
Outcast Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 It's just a fact of life that it is IMPOSSIBLE to really know another person in a short period of time. Someone who is 41 has 41 years' worth of learning, experiences, habits, impressions, etc. built into her psyche that you just cannot get to know in a couple of months. I will wager you that 99% of the people posting on LS about broken relationships or people they have 'fallen out of love with' are people that they initially felt were fabulous, wonderful, and everything they always wanted. The first blush of happiness in a relationship helps blind you to flaws which will later drive you bugs. That's how we're built. Oh and you'll sit there saying I'm nuts, I can't possibly know this, and you are positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's as perfect as you think she is. And all I can do is assure you that most people feel exactly the same way in the early stages of a relationship and that, in time, you absolutely will find faults which you will either decide you can't stand or else you'll decide you can handle them. In the latter case, you will then be falling in love rather than being infatuated.
FataMorgana Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 Woogle.. You need to stop looking at things with a magnifying glass. First off.. You two are a new item. People have their good behavior on for 6 months or so so she is onlt showing you the good stuff to keep you interested. This is a good thing.. It means she thinks you are a keeper. If I had to pick on something this is almost alway's a huge red flag "41 and has never been married".. there is a reason and it isn't that she put her energy into her carreer. Good luck woogle.. very much agree with AC here. Stop worrying and enjoy having found someone who you click with so well and enjoy so much. It is the most wonderful feeling and not easy to come by. Why is it that most of us spoil it so much by worrying too much about the future? most people feel exactly the same way in the early stages of a relationship and that, in time, you absolutely will find faults which you will either decide you can't stand or else you'll decide you can handle them. In the latter case, you will then be falling in love rather than being infatuated. Outcast's advice is spot on, leave all this for later, it will come...... There are many reasons why she would have gotten to 41 and not being married... maybe she is a cautious women and hasn't come across anyone yet that she felt she wanted to marry.... if that is causing you concern, why don't you ask her?
mental_traveller Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 It's likely that she has a flaw of some kind. But it's quite possible it might not be that big or even bother you at all. Basically because you haven't found it yet, you are obsessing over what it might be, and imagining the worst - that everything will feel great, then suddenly you will find something horrible and it will all end in tears. Well this is just ridiculous behaviour and you should stop fretting over it so much. Your obsessive doubts may well end up sabotaging the relationship if you are not careful! On the other hand, you shouldn't act like a naive babe in the woods either. You need to strike a happy balance between being enthusiastic and positive about what seems to be a good relationship so far, without going so far as to become gullible or unrealistic. So far it looks like you are straying too far to the side of cynicism, but even so, don't give up your heart fully until you know this person really well. And IMO you can't really know someone properly until you know them for quite a long time, and have seen their bad side and how they act in different situations. So I would suggest you stop dwelling so much on what might be, and just enjoy how things are going. Don't think too much, and just go with the flow. Time will tell whether she is "the one". As for not being married by 41, I don't think that's a red flag at all. It *could* be a red flag, but it could also be a green flag - maybe she has just held out until meeting Mr Right, and not met him yet. That's a much wiser approach than marrying the first guy who shows her the slightest attention for a few months. The fact is, if you have high standards or an ounce of common sense, 99% of people simply aren't marriage material. Being unmarried by 41 is much less of a red flag than being married and divorced by 41. Remember that anyone divorced is either a liar (breaking marriage vows), a bad judge of character (marrying someone who later turned out to be a liar), or just plain stupid (no idea what marriage meant). In today's society in the west, I'd say waiting till 41 to get married is probably quite a wise move actually!
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