Emin Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Hi guys, I can't stop thinking about a coworker which i wasn't into her until a month ago. We have fun at work, sit together on the same desk, share our work, have lunch together etc etc. Occasionally we talk on social media. The thing is I am in a long term relationship. I can't really decide whether i really like her or it's in my character to go after what is forbidden. Another thing is that she's not that social and mysterious. (maybe this is the turn on). When i talk to her about private stuff and maybe see where she's at, i try to do on social media but she's using it rarely and can't really make a good conversation. I feel like talking about these things at work are unprofessional plus there are many people listening. There are soooo many no no's about this, but it seems i like her a looot. I feel like a teenager i swear. I keep seeing if she saw my IG Story or subconsciously waiting to write to me (as i am the one constantly hooked up and she's trying not to lose time on the internet). I genuinely love my girlfriend, but this is driving me crazy and don't know how to handle this situation. From what i know for now is that i would act upon it, but i don't have the correct conclusion about her feelings, which if i'm mistaken it could get awkward at work. Even if i didn't have a girlfriend, it would still be hard for me to get the conclusion if she really likes me... What do i do. Do i talk to her about her feelings, do i start avoiding her, i am really confused... Thanks!
smackie9 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) This is a work crush, please recognize that this is all it is, and should never act on it. Be assured these feelings will pass. It would be wise to back off, slow it down, and slow it down in your mind. Later you will look back and think how ridiculous you were being. Edited October 22, 2018 by smackie9
dispatch3d Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Would it be out of line to ask the girl to stop being nice? In my case she sends me have a good weekend emails, wishes me merry christmas, etc. These types of behaviours make the situation worse not better.
RedHead5 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Don't get a involved with people at work. It's a bad bad idea. Don't tell another girl you have a crush on her while in a LTR. That is so disrespectful to your girlfriend. Unless you intend to cheat there is no reason to explain that to this other girl. If you tell her about it you are inviting worse. Just start answering messages/emails/etc. slower or not at all. You stop being so nice. You don't have to tell her anything. Cut yourself off. Quit posting on social media for a week or two. Remove yourself from the situation. Not sure how long you have been with your girlfriend but you don't sound very in love with her. Maybe you love her but you aren't "in love" with her at the moment. Maybe you need to evaluate whether you want to work on the relationship or exit.
himynameis253 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 (edited) I had a huge crush on a co worker this year and dated her for five weeks, at which point she lost interest. Her rejection cut deep and I can’t stand to see her anymore. Before we dated, we had a flirtatious, but professional relationship and it was the best thing about coming to work. One day it was like a switch flipped and the flirtatiousness was replaced by a chilling aloofness. Seeing her was pure pain and I could tell she didn’t want me there anymore, and it didn’t even end badly. The fact that she blew me off for another dude was the elephant in the room at all times. I had to quit and take a job 3 x as far away to get the **** away from her. Don’t date a co worker please, it’s not worth it. Just enjoy interacting with her without anyone getting rejected. DON’T END UP LIKE ME!!! Edited October 23, 2018 by himynameis253
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Would it be out of line to ask the girl to stop being nice? In my case she sends me have a good weekend emails, wishes me merry christmas, etc. These types of behaviours make the situation worse not better. Once you stop being so buddy buddy, those will stop too.
RedHead5 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 I had a huge crush on a co worker this year and dated her for five weeks, at which point she lost interest. Her rejection cut deep and I can’t stand to see her anymore. Before we dated, we had a flirtatious, but professional relationship and it was the best thing about coming to work. One day it was like a switch flipped and the flirtatiousness was replaced by a chilling aloofness. Seeing her was pure pain and I could tell she didn’t want me there anymore, and it didn’t even end badly. The fact that she blew me off for another dude was the elephant in the room at all times. I had to quit and take a job 3 x as far away to get the **** away from her. Don’t date a co worker please, it’s not worth it. Just enjoy interacting with her without anyone getting rejected. DON’T END UP LIKE ME!!! Yes. Acting on it will ruin everything. I had a guy get a little closer to me than I was comfortable with and when I told him to back off because I wasn't interested it was an awkward few months. Also, my ex husband was a coworker and it was pretty embarrassing when it ended badly. Fortunately, he was fired because of what he did so it resolved that part anyway. Oh, and that was sexual harrassment he got fired for. Another thing to consider is the workplace. Not only could it destroy your creditability but you could lose your job.
AngryGromit Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 What do i do. Do i talk to her about her feelings, do i start avoiding her, i am really confused... I guess the question I have is is this a really good job, or just a McJob, where you can easily get another one like it next week. If it's a McJob, I'd say sure go for it, there isn't that much of a down side if things don't work out. If this is a really good job you like and wouldn't be easy getting another one like it, then DON'T act on your impulses, just keep things friendly. Dating at work is always something you need to tread carefully with, since you work so close to her, avoiding each other after a fight isn't possible. The end result mostly likely is one of you will either quit or get fired, but who knows you could beat the odds and she could be your soul mate. P.S. dump your girlfriend before getting serious with her, unless your girlfriend is into sharing.
Recommended Posts