Diagnosed with an illness, and he wants his happy, fun loving energetic gf back

[mejustme]

I’ve been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Not an illness that will EVER go away. He was supportive the two times that I was hospitalized due to the disease, but always makes remarks about wanting the old me back. I will never be the same again. Having diabetes is a 24/7 illness, it never goes away. I have good days ( not many) but mostly bad.

 

I am getting things under control on my end, but for him to make stupid comments because I am not as happy, energetic, fun loving and carefree anymore repulsed me. Things haven’t been the same since he said that. I sat and cried when those words came out of his mouth. I want the old me back too, but I’m accepting of the fact that I’ve changed. Another comment that he made was that other people live every day with this disease and are just fine, as if I am being over dramatic. I should say that I was just diagnosed 8 months ago.

 

And I am still trying to adjust to a new lifestyle with many changes. My feelings are hurt, crushed if you will. How could I ever even consider a life with this man if he will always compare me to whom I once was. I ended things with him. I just cannot see carrying on in a relationship and now he is back peddling, acting as if it’s something else.

 

I was as honest as I could be and I just told him that I could never see us together forever anymore, so what’s the point? He keeps calling it a stupid comment that he made. For one month now that’s all I have heard in my head. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Your thoughts and comments are always welcome. I personally don’t think that I’m being overly dramatic, do you?

Edited October 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[grays]

I don’t think you’re being over dramatic.

 

I was dx’d With type I when I was 23, four years into what ended up being a 25 year marriage. Looking back I’m shocked that we survived the ex as a couple. He didn’t handle it in a way that felt okay to me. And, god knows, I didn’t handle it that well. For a few years it was practically the only thing I thought about and having fun never seemed possible — how can you have fun when you know you might have a low blood sugar and so much thought gas to go into every bite you put in your mouth and even just a little more exercise than you expected might have embarrassing, scary, and awful feeling results. And for me it took a long time to learn when I was in trouble and when I wasn’t. I was always worried about dead in bed syndrome.

 

It took me about eight years to really reach a new normal. I always felt like I wasn’t strong enough or strong willed enough and that everyone else seemed fine with stuff like this. But I probably mostly seemed fine to everyone but my hilusband, who was the person I let see my vulnerability. He never said what your guy said, but I’m sure he thought it. Most of the time he acted like diabetes was a hang nail and that it was a huge inconvenience to him. Even 20 years later when he would realize I was low or when I’d ask him for help bc I felt so weak and shaky I didn’t think I’d be able to get to the kitchen he’d literally tell me to buck up and deal with it myself. One time he found me asleep sitting inside the refrigerator door w door open and my head lying on the bottom shelf with jelly all over the front of my shirt.

 

To be fair, it probably is really hard for a sig other. But I nursed my ex through some pretty horrible mental illness stuff that dominated our lives for years without complaint. At one point I said, “but I spend a lot of time/energy/emotion staying up all night talking you through your demons,” and he said he’d trade his mental illness for diabetes in a heartbeat. But that’s not the point, right, it doesn’t matter who’s more miserable, you should be taking care of each other.

 

I’m really sorry about your dx, btw. It will get better. I feel like my life is pretty normal. It is what it is and there are all kinds of challenges I know nothing about. Everybody’s got something to deal with.

[mejustme]

Hugs to you grays!! It is a horrible disease that is 24/7. We donÂ’t get breaks or vacations from this. I commend you for dealing with not only your illness but his also. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I just wish we would have met after my diagnosis.

[alphamale]

type I diabetes is usually diagnosed in childhood

[Mardelis]

Maybe he's got a bit of denial going there, it is a big hit for both of you. Maybe he's being insensitive and uncaring or maybe he's reeling from the news that life is never going to be the same. Give him a bit of time to shake it out, he'll either come around or disappear on you.

 

type I diabetes is usually diagnosed in childhood

 

 

Most of the time but it can also happen secondary to kidney disease and other systemic disorders.

[stillafool]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. My grandma and uncle had type I and it's rough. Please make sure to carry candy in your purse.

[MountainGirl111]

I’ve been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Not an illness that will EVER go away. He was supportive the two times that I was hospitalized due to the disease, but always makes remarks about wanting the old me back. I will never be the same again. Having diabetes is a 24/7 illness, it never goes away. I have good days ( not many) but mostly bad. I am getting things under control on my end, but for him to make stupid comments because I am not as happy, energetic, fun loving and carefree anymore repulsed me. Things haven’t been the same since he said that. I sat and cried when those words came out of his mouth. I want the old me back too, but I’m accepting of the fact that I’ve changed. Another comment that he made was that other people live every day with this disease and are just fine, as if I am being over dramatic. I should say that I was just diagnosed 8 months ago. And I am still trying to adjust to a new lifestyle with many changes. My feelings are hurt, crushed if you will. How could I ever even consider a life with this man if he will always compare me to whom I once was. I ended things with him. I just cannot see carrying on in a relationship and now he is back peddling, acting as if it’s something else. I was as honest as I could be and I just told him that I could never see us together forever anymore, so what’s the point? He keeps calling it a stupid comment that he made. For one month now that’s all I have heard in my head. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Your thoughts and comments are always welcome. I personally don’t think that I’m being overly dramatic, do you?

 

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. That really really bites when someone you love sort of turns their back on you when you might need them the most. It just hurts. *shrug*. I don't have any better words for it. It dashes you hope, in a way..or it makes you THINK it dashes your hope. Hope for unconditional love and support. Not only did you get this "lovely" diagnosis (sarcasm)...but it turns out he is minimizing your plight.That really bites.

 

But, because he is "back pedalling" on this, it lends me to believe that this is an area he needs to GROW in...and guess what? You can be his teacher if you're up for that. Maybe you're just not up for that. And if you're not I don't blame you. But if he has never dealt with illnesses on a personal level before, he has some room to learn and grow. I don't know you. I don't know him. This all depends on how willing he would be to learn and grow and whether or not you feel like teaching him. Am I in the ball park here?

[grays]

Maybe he's got a bit of denial going there, it is a big hit for both of you. Maybe he's being insensitive and uncaring or maybe he's reeling from the news that life is never going to be the same. Give him a bit of time to shake it out, he'll either come around or disappear on you.

 

 

 

 

Most of the time but it can also happen secondary to kidney disease and other systemic disorders.

 

It can happen at any age not secondary to some other issue. Many people are diagnosed in their 20’s or beyond. I was 23. When I went to the doc and told him I had all the symptoms he thought I was a hypochondriac. Told me that I was too old for type I and too normal-weighted for type II. Then he tested my blood sugar bc I insisted and it was 489, more than four times normal.

 

True type I is an autoimmune problem. I have heard of people losing the functioning of their beta cells from pancreatitis, and that is exactly like type I but from a different cause. I’ve never heard of type I being secondary to something else.

 

And btw, skinny people can get type II.

[basil67]

Justme, is this the boyfriend who you've been on an off with for years? Or is it the guy you met during one of the breaks who then became your OM? Because what I'm seeing here is a pattern of you being with men who aren't good for you.

 

In your current situation, yes it can indeed be tough for the partner to make adjustments. But if they really need to vent, they must direct it to someone further out from the relationship. Have a look at Ring Theory for more info https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201705/ring-theory-helps-us-bring-comfort-in

 

Anyway, you need to decide if you want to continue with someone like this in your life. Personally, I think having him around would only make you feel worse.

[Dis]

type I diabetes is usually diagnosed in childhood

 

It can be diagnosed in the 20's as well

[Dis]

OP,

 

I'm so sorry your bf is so unsupportive!

 

Type 1 diabetes is so hard to deal with. It's effects are extensive and can cause a lot of suffering until an effective medication regiment has been found.

 

But just so you know, type 1 diabetes can be very well managed with time. One of my patients has it and it's not a problem for her. She has 2 kids. She's happy and healthy!

 

Your bf sounds immature and selfish. You have a long road ahead of you to stabilize your health so I suggest you cut your bf loose, tell him to hit the road. You're going to need support. How dare he make you feel bad about an illness of which you have no control over??? That's just terrible. Imagine being married to him!

 

I think for now, you should focus on your health. He will just get in the way.

 

You seem young, you have plenty of time to find someone who will accept you, support you and love you for who you are. Don't waste anymore time on this douche.

 

Focus on yourself. You are nothing without your health.

 

Keep posting and keep your chin up

[Mardelis]

True type I is an autoimmune problem. I have heard of people losing the functioning of their beta cells from pancreatitis, and that is exactly like type I but from a different cause. I’ve never heard of type I being secondary to something else.

 

 

You're right I'm wrong. I thought type 1 diabetes was due to kidney disease but I had it backwards- most type 1 diabetics eventually have kidney disease. After looking into it, it's thought that type 1 diabetes may be due to viral infections (which can be associated with autoimmune reactions within the body). I didn't find any other diseases that can cause it.

[bathtub-row]

I'm sorry you're going through this but I think you did the right thing by ending the relationship with him. Whether he says he said those things in jest, or they were just stupid remarks, there's a part of him that meant it. You need to find someone who can be there for you.

[grays]

You're right I'm wrong. I thought type 1 diabetes was due to kidney disease but I had it backwards- most type 1 diabetics eventually have kidney disease. After looking into it, it's thought that type 1 diabetes may be due to viral infections (which can be associated with autoimmune reactions within the body). I didn't find any other diseases that can cause it.

 

Let’s not scare poor mejustme! I believe that most type I’s don’t actually develop kidney disease. I am constantly in fear of blindness and kidney failure. I think about it every time I pee and sometimes I worry if I haven’t peed. Not too long ago a doctor said to me, “if you are peeing, your kidneys are working.” I think that’s not a good way of monitoring your kidneys, but there’s got to be some truth to that. So now I get a little jolt of happiness/relief every time I pee in a significant amount and because I get extra happy if my pee is especially light in color, I make sure I always drink enough to make sure I don’t have the terrible luck of seeing yellow pee.

 

Fifteen years or so ago, I told a friend that I was worried about my kidneys bc my lower back was hurting and she wanted me to google for symptoms. I told her, no way, the last thing I need is actual symptoms to be looking for, that’s a recipe for anxiety. Then, trying to be helpful, my friend came back and told me that she googled and I wouldn’t be feeling it in my back, what I would be feeling is blah, blah, blah. So now whenever blah blah (something that happens to all women) happens I lose my mind for a minute or maybe until I have a good clear pee.

 

Anyway, what I’m trying to illustrate here is that having type I is a big head trip. And I don’t know if most type I’s get ckd , but I don’t think it’s most. And then there’s the fact that everyone’s kidney functioning decreases w age, so if you live long enough everyone would be in kidney failure eventually.

[guest569]

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time with health and him not being very supportive. It's hard to know without hearing it myself. Was he saying this in a way that was complaining that you weren't as carefree and energetic anymore? Or was he saying it out of concern or just trying to broach the subject? And as for "other people" being just fine. Well everyone is effected differently I believe. It is a recent diagnosis so you are allowed to take some time to adjust and not feel on top of the world, I think. I know I would need time. Again without hearing his tone or context I'm not sure if you're overreacting. Was he being dismissive or was he trying to cheer you up and say that other people live fulfilling lives in spite of type 1?

 

He was one of the following I guess: being selfish, sucks at providing support or sucks at communicating in a sensitive way.

 

Either way, the result is that you felt like he wasn't supportive and that is a huge deal.

[Million.to.1]

I think you did the right thing by ending things with this guy.

 

It's immaturity that makes someone stuck in a fantasy world where everything is fun and you are beautiful and everything is perfect all the time.

 

Life is full of challenges and has everyone has struggles and things to overcome. Someone who only wants the sunshine good times, and makes you feel bad about illnesses, disabilities or getting older is not the sort of person who makes a good team mate for life.

 

You need someone who can support you, lift you up and help you weather the storms in life. That's what really makes for good times. Real love and support.

[Gretchen12]

While I understand where you are coming from, at the same time we sometimes need to allow for mistakes and misunderstandings. You have been with this guy for some time, look at the whole person over the entire period. That's what counts.

 

You don't want to toss out a person over one offense. What is his track record? I understand you are stressed right now. But it is also at these difficult times that we treasure life and the people around us. You have devalued him. Is he really selfish? Usually selfish people are selfish all the time.

[guest569]

type I diabetes is usually diagnosed in childhood

 

"The onset of type 1 diabetes occurs most frequently in people under 30 years, however new research suggests almost half of all people who develop the condition are diagnosed over the age of 30."

 

 

You're right I'm wrong. I thought type 1 diabetes was due to kidney disease but I had it backwards- most type 1 diabetics eventually have kidney disease. After looking into it, it's thought that type 1 diabetes may be due to viral infections (which can be associated with autoimmune reactions within the body). I didn't find any other diseases that can cause it.

 

"The exact cause of type 1 diabetes is not yet known, but we do know it has a strong family link and cannot be prevented."

 

Can cause kidney problems if untreated.

 

-Diabetes Australia.

[Art_Critic]

Am I to understand that diabetics cannot be happy, fun loving energetic people ?

 

I think right now you are reeling from your diagnoses... but you need to not look at this as a death sentence because it isn't...

 

Here is a list of past and present Baseball players who all have type1:

https://integrateddiabetes.com/athletes-with-type-1-diabetes/

 

My Step Daughter was diagnosed with type 1 at about 10 years old, she takes many insulin shots thru out the day and she had a hard time controlling it, I got her a pump and that helped tons...

Today she is 26 years old and while she still struggles at times with her control she is happy and fun loving as well as energetic...

 

I think you need to sit your BF down and discuss with him about the support you need but also you need to know that painting this as a death sentence isn't realistic either...

Ask him for his help in this... make it clear that is what you need..

[alphamale]

And in some cases it is diagnosed in adulthood. What are you getting at?

 

that type I is usually diagnosed in childhood and type II is usually diagnosed in adulthood

[mejustme]

Idk how to address each one of you, but if you are following the thread you’ll be able to read this. Here is the back story, yes, this is the person that I have been seeing off and on for a few years, yes we have broken up often, however this time around we have been on the right track now for about 8 months or so. We both made significant adjustments on our end and we were doing good. In December of 2017, I got really sick, but with working many hours of over time, taking care of my children preparing Christmas for my family and a family in need ( something my children and I do every year) I just thought I was extremely run down and burnt out. But I got sick with what I thought was the flu. In between insurance and thinking it’s just the flu I kept pushing forward. Felt a little better before Christmas and continued on. NYE while at a family party I started to feel bad again. My kids and I left the party before midnight and We all laid in bed and watched the ball drop. My BF and I were just getting back together and did not spend the holidays together, but we did go out the following night for a nice dinner with our children. We met them at the restaurant, which meant I was driving my own car. While driving home I became very disoriented, didn’t know where I was and according to my daughter I was slurring my words as if I was drunk ( I only drank unsweetened ice tea), fearful that I was having a stroke I pulled over and called a family member to come and get me. We went to the hospital that night where they ran all kinds of tests. My glucose levels were 680!! Because of my age and a previous ex of gestational they figured I was type 2 diabetic. Upon being released I was to follow up with an endocrinologist. Not able to get it to endo. For several weeks I went to my primary where I was put on meformin and glimiperide. Apparently, the wrong meds and because of this and after a few weeks I wound up back in the hospital with a severe case of pancreatitis . Finally made it to the endo where he felt that I was not a type 2, but type 1. He said I didn’t fit the mold. Btw-type 1 can happen at any age, and (I am not at all over weight and I work out daily) anyhow, BF was there for me in the process, but I believe he became impatient with the disease and thought I’d bounce right back. I didn’t, I have gotten better and have it under control, taking my A1C from 10.7 to 5.3 in these last months has been a lot of work, care, planning, and I am exhausted. I am not as happy and carefree as I was. I don’t go out as much, I am just tired a lot; mentally, emotionally and physically...he got it at one point, but he doesn’t now. And to say that he wants the old Aprill back, well so do I. I just found myself not attracted to him these days. Ugh!! Thanks for listening I know this was long.

[Redhead14]

type I diabetes is usually diagnosed in childhood

 

 

That's not true. It's often diagnosed in childhood. My daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 at age 27. She has a support group through the American Diabetes Association and many others have been diagnosed well into their 20s.

[GoreSP]

Huh.

My ex was type 1. I have a lot to hold against him, but anything due to his sugar levels being out of wack is not one of them.

 

He needs to understand that you need time to learn to manage it and he needs to shut the hell up about how you were before your diagnosis.

Your bloods will be influenced by stress and physical activity and that's just how it's going to be.

 

Cooking has gone to an entirely new level of complication and sometimes frustration. You need to know how many carbs are in your plate and 'guesstimating' isn't exactly safe.

 

If you crash and can't respond, he needs to know how to react. (I used to have to do my ex's blood test for him and force feed him juice because he was below 3.0 and unresponsive.

(Sorry, not meaning to scare you, but he thought going high all the time would be too damaging in the long term so he used to do a bit more insulin than he really needed so he crashed a lot, and I hear it's something that tends to happen to type 1 people in general.)

 

If it's going to to be too much of a hassle for his healthy butt, he needs to go.

 

Good luck!

[GoreSP]

 

My Step Daughter was diagnosed with type 1 at about 10 years old, she takes many insulin shots thru out the day and she had a hard time controlling it, I got her a pump and that helped tons...

 

My ex was getting the pump when we broke up. Just before we broke up, he got one of those devices that tests blood levels on a regular basis (I forget the name, but he would wear it on his 'love handle' area and it was not a pump) and it changed a lot for him.

He was always worried to live alone but when I moved out, he lived a lone for a while and wasn't worried about it.

 

I would encourage OP gets those as well.

[BeenThereDoneThat17]

OP, I don't honestly think the boyfriend is going to change. It's just causing you more stress. And BTW, you are doing GREAT. An A1C in the 5's puts you in the range of non-diabetics -- in fact, it probably puts you in a better place in terms of your sugars. Complications like blindness and CKD are seen in diabetics who don't control their diabetes, not in people like you who succeed at it.

Edited October 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator