matt1221 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 I wasn't there but a friend saw my girlfriend leave a bar and give another guy a kiss on the lips as she went home. It was quick, not a French kiss but it was on the mouth. I think she was just being flirty as she does from time to time. He's a decent looking guy and I fear that she may have feelings for him. We are moving in together very soon and don't know what to make of this. We are one state away currently. She's moving in very soon.
OnlyHonesty Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 She's moving in very soon. You're lucky...you've been presented with your first red flag. What you do with it will determine whether your life is peaceful or in turmoil.
Author matt1221 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Posted October 22, 2018 You're lucky...you've been presented with your first red flag. What you do with it will determine whether your life is peaceful or in turmoil. I don't know what I'm going to do
Ruby Slippers Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 There's no way I'd move in with or be with someone who did that. She doesn't respect you. I'm sorry, but the relationship is already toast.
guest569 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 It's rather easy 1) You tell her what you saw 2) Depending on what she says you have 2 options: Stay or leave I would chose leave. You saw her kissing another guy but something more may had happened. You shouldn't have a relationship with someone you can't trust. No. He saw nothing! Someone else did. I would not break up a relationship over what someone else said they saw, without further confirmation. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Your friend must have been quite close to them to see that she kissed his lips and not his cheek, correct? Where I live (Italy) a double cheek-kiss is common and even expected among friends, of both sexes. On occasion, people land kisses quite close to the mouth without actually intending to kiss you there. I know some folks at home (Canada) do the cheek-kiss too, though much less so. Is it possible your friend mistook a cheek kiss for a direct kiss on the lips? I would find out a little more information before going to your girlfriend with this. Is this friend someone you generally trust? Would he or she have any reason to exaggerate? Is there any history of boundary-busting behaviour from your girlfriend? Think about these things before you speak to her.
guest569 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Yes definitely need more facts. I remember in 2nd grade all the kids teased me cause I kissed the bus driver. He was my dad. Who was this guy? Yeah how close was your friend and why? In my experience, sometimes friends can be jealous pricks and try to get between a couple. So there is that.
doyathinkso Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 You didn't see it. Someone told you they saw it. In a court this is called 'hearsay'. You have TWO issues here. 1, is the reliability of your friend. 2, is the reliability of your girlfriend. Proceed with caution but most definitely keep your wits about you. Above all else, for the time being, Trust No One!
stillafool Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 I can't believe your friend told you that.
Author matt1221 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Posted October 22, 2018 It was definitely on the mouth. It was a quick goodbye kiss but on the lips.
Gretchen12 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 You should know her well enough to know whether this is her normal behavior if you are ready to live together. You said she's flirtatious. You know better what to make of it than any of us. And if you don't, then get to know. Maybe your dilemma is the moving in part. If you feel you need to back out, do that. Ask yourself if you hadn't already agreed to move in, would you still do it today. It's better for her to know that now rather than after she's moved for you.
Author matt1221 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 No. He saw nothing! Someone else did. I would not break up a relationship over what someone else said they saw, without further confirmation. It was a quick kiss, but it was on the mouth. They didn't leave together or anything like that. She went home after.
Malin889 Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 How much do you trust this friend? How did he see this, but why do you live another state away? Has she done anything like this before?
Author matt1221 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 How much do you trust this friend? How did he see this, but why do you live another state away? Has she done anything like this before? He's a best friend so I trust him. I don't know if she has. I'm from another state two hours away and she's moving here.
CollinW Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 "Flirty" women are just women who feed off attention from men. There is nothing more risky than committing to an attention whore. You can accept this relationship and you're accepting that sooner or later you'll be disappointed 1
Marc878 Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 Bud a kiss on the lips is an intimate sign of affection. Put a hold on the move in.
Author matt1221 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 (edited) Bud a kiss on the lips is an intimate sign of affection. Put a hold on the move in. I just don't think it meant a whole lot. Just a quick goodbye kiss where alcohol was involved. Would you consider this cheating? Again, he's a decent looking guy. Edited October 24, 2018 by matt1221
carhill Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 OP, would you consider it normal affection for your girlfriend with men you know in her life? As example from my marriage, it was normal behavior for my wife's best female friend. However, I sensed trouble brewing when she'd extend the kisses and they started getting a bit wet. At the time I hadn't fully understood the nature of the alcoholism she was hiding. She died of it a few years later. In her case I don't think she was a flirt or seeking male attention. She never came off that way and I'd known her for 15 years or so. Long marriage. I do know a few MW's who are a little extra affectionate and I do sense attention seeking behaviors with them. Sexual vibes are a very effective way to collect male attention and energy. Some women are addicted to that. Unless you're a very laid-back guy like one husband I know well I wouldn't make a substantial commitment to an attention-seeker. It'll wear on you over time, kinda like a death by a thousand tiny cuts.
Author matt1221 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 (edited) OP, would you consider it normal affection for your girlfriend with men you know in her life? <snip> A kiss on the cheek to a decent looking guy I'd be a little pissed about. On the mouth is different obviously. Edited October 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
carhill Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 Presuming your girlfriend has male friends and family members, how does she show affection and love to them? That should be an easy question to answer. How did she show interest and affection to you early on? Was she measured or forward? Sexual early or did she graduate slowly? Your girlfriend likely knows many men, including some you and your best friend don't know. I met some of the many male clients my wife worked on while we were married but there were dozens I never met. Perfectly normal. Same with friends. Some were mutual, some not. Less likely for younger folks but very common for we older people. Trust is paramount. If you're focusing on a report of a kiss and the man's looks, I'd question the trust. If it doesn't flow, let it go.
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