Pandora2019 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 I went on a hanfdul of dates with a guy more than a year ago and we had a good time (mostly dinner drink dates) but when discussing what we are looking for we disagreed (he was more casual and I was less so) and parted ways. He reached out again a few months later and we revisited the convo, had somewhat of a compromise but even when I was at his place I still felt like I didnt know him well enough to do anything. I had less dating experience then and tended to run away from these situations and conservative in terms of intimacy. Anyhow, after that, over the past year I thought of him occasionally and texted him a few times but he never replied, until recently he asked me out. So we met last Friday over dinner and drinks. We had a lot of playful banter, chemistry was there and he seemed more outgoing and chatty than I remembered. He remembered the weirdest details from the precious dates when we met and i was surprised. He says he doesnt go on dates often but ha! we live in a major city and I doubt it. After dinner we had a few drinks at a bar and discussed our relationships/dates over the past year and still, his more passive/non committal approach to dating as he is maybe looking for someone perfect im not sure. He even casually/playfully mentioned our future dates etc. We did have some fun at his place afterward and I think I like this guy but Im feeling like it’s not mutual. When I got home, I texted to say Im home, Good night! etc and he replied a few hrs later to say he had a great time and then the convo didnt really have the momentum to continue and so I left it at that as his last reply doesnt need a reply. So we have only exchanged a couple of msgs since friday’s date and I was honestly expecting him to make a move by now (it is Sunday afternoon) and in any other case I would NEXT but I just dont want to regret not doing anything if i decide to not initiate an texts with him.
Logo Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 (edited) I'm always leery of people who reach out after a few months hoping to 'catch up' and rekindle something that wasn't there. It's clear that his stance on relationships hasn't changed. So I don't think you're missing out on much here. Edited October 21, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of starting post
Author Pandora2019 Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 Obviously guys will say and do a lot of things to sleep with women etc, but I felt like we did have good convo, tons of playful banter over 5 hrs of dinner drinks and Im confused why he hasnt asked me out over text yet. It’s only been a day or two but it would have been obvious by now, I think.
Logo Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 I felt like we did have good convo, tons of playful banter over 5 hrs of dinner drinks and Im confused why he hasnt asked me out over text yet. It’s only been a day or two but it would have been obvious by now, I think. Sometimes people just go with flow and try to enjoy the moment. It doesn't always mean that they have long term plans. They just want to make the best out of the situation. I know it's frustrating. But that's the truth. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 (edited) I think you're setting yourself up for being a back burner girl . . . he reaches out after a year and you're "still there". That's not really a good message to send a guy. He can come and go from your life and pick up where things left off. If you want to go forward with him to see if things are different, this is not a 6th date, it's a 1st date (again). You need to start the evaluation process again and communicate with each other about what your dating goals are for each of you and, if he says he's changed his mind about what he's looking for -- i.e. a long-term, committed relationship, you need to observe whether or not he dates you that way. I'd stay out of his place for a while and hit the reset button. So we have only exchanged a couple of msgs since friday’s date -- He already seems a little luke warmish, IMO. Just sit back and observe how he's making you feel. Edited October 21, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
David33 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 I agree with Redhead, it's a 1st date. Maybe ask, if we had we even been friends this whole time would I consider them someone close? I'm guessing the answer is no. GL
Chris2016 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 I like the thinking/reply, this isn't a 6th date, it's a 1st date. OP, seems like your gut is talking to you, and you need to trust it. "Obviously guys will say and do a lot of things to sleep with women etc, but I felt like we did have good convo, tons of playful banter over 5 hrs of dinner drinks and Im confused why he hasnt asked me out over text yet. It’s only been a day or two but it would have been obvious by now, I think."
Author Pandora2019 Posted October 23, 2018 Author Posted October 23, 2018 Of course I trust my gut but I am floored that someone could say so much BS like oh, for the next date we should go xyz places etc and all of that and have zero follow up. Ive heard similar things before about false promises but I honestly thought after a year, when meeting, it would be something more than facetiousness and sweet talking. Not that I was expecting anything long term from him but to not even hear from him after his last text which needs no reply (so Ive left it at that), I am shocked and insulted. It’s been since Saturday morning. No texts. Would everyone here agree to just let it be and dont text him anything? xO
LoverOfDance Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 YES, let it be. You already know what you need to do but you like him so much it's hard to just do it. It doesn't matter what the man says, it matters what he does.
Redhead14 Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 (edited) I went on a hanfdul of dates with a guy more than a year ago and we had a good time (mostly dinner drink dates) but when discussing what we are looking for we disagreed (he was more casual and I was less so) and parted ways. He reached out again a few months later and we revisited the convo, had somewhat of a compromise but even when I was at his place I still felt like I didnt know him well enough to do anything. <snip> Same ole guy, same casual dating goal, same low interest . . . move on. Block/delete -- forever. Edited October 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Author Pandora2019 Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 YES, let it be. You already know what you need to do but you like him so much it's hard to just do it. It doesn't matter what the man says, it matters what he does. So against my gut, brain, and better judgment. Seeing as how he left a neutral text post date and neither engaged in convo, while bored at work I sent a hey How are you? Text which led to some small convo leading to him asking me out. Further red flags: no follow up questions after asking how my day is going etc and now suggests we meet for dinner etc. And after initially agreeing to xyz place which is on other side of town, texted late last night to confirm we were still set on xyz neighborhood, to which I have not yet replied. As you can see, I’m seeing all the signs of a dude who just wants a hookup (most likely). If life was as easy as pie I would have blocked long long ago. But sometimes it’s easier said than done. If you’ve been there, you know what I mean! So to confirm, would you guys say, there is no chance in hell that anything develops further? Like it is so clear as day that he just wants a sleepover and not genuinely interested. We have met a total of 6times by now, albeit with some breaks. If I do text back, I’m saying that I might still be free Friday but I can’t stay out late. Im not new to dating and I know cognitively it’s all red flags but i cant shake the feeling!
Redhead14 Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 So against my gut, brain, and better judgment. Seeing as how he left a neutral text post date and neither engaged in convo, while bored at work I sent a hey How are you? Text which led to some small convo leading to him asking me out. Further red flags: no follow up questions after asking how my day is going etc and now suggests we meet for dinner etc. And after initially agreeing to xyz place which is on other side of town, texted late last night to confirm we were still set on xyz neighborhood, to which I have not yet replied. As you can see, I’m seeing all the signs of a dude who just wants a hookup (most likely). If life was as easy as pie I would have blocked long long ago. But sometimes it’s easier said than done. If you’ve been there, you know what I mean! So to confirm, would you guys say, there is no chance in hell that anything develops further? Like it is so clear as day that he just wants a sleepover and not genuinely interested. We have met a total of 6times by now, albeit with some breaks. If I do text back, I’m saying that I might still be free Friday but I can’t stay out late. Im not new to dating and I know cognitively it’s all red flags but i cant shake the feeling! Pandora, everyone who has responded here has said pretty much the same thing -- this guy has low interest at best. It seems like you're hoping for that one person to respond who will tell you what you want to hear -- which is go for it. You've received several "no go" responses. That's kinda like going to 10 doctors until you get the diagnosis you want. So to confirm, would you guys say, there is no chance in hell that anything develops further? -- All we can do is give our opinion about what you've said about his past behavior. We don't have crystal balls. I am now saying you should just go out with him now and sit back and observe what happens after. You don't have anything to lose really if you go out with him again. Just remember to view it as a 1st date and restart the evaluation process. My gut says you're not gonna see a difference in his lukewarm approach. And, even if he seems crazy about you on this date but wants to bring you home or get into his car, don't do it.
stillafool Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 You still being interested in him after he has shown low interest in you tells him you want to have sex with him and he is going to give it to you; but it doesn't mean that he thinks of this as the same connection that you do. He may be a good at conversing and likes banter which he does with everyone. Platonic friends banter and have good conversations so you can't judge his interest by that alone.
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