jjbarr19 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 My ex at this point was diagnosed and has been suffering with clinical depression. It hurts so much seeing her like this, mainly because I can’t fix it. It’s out of my control. So all I’ve ever really done is support her. Be there. But now, she says that she feels numb. She feels nothing for me, nothing for anyone else, even herself. She says that she can’t keep this going because it’ll hurt her more in the end and that I deserve so much better. I know it has been getting worse since her behavior would be extremely hot and cold. She would miss me, want to talk to me for hours, want all of my attention (in a way praise me) but then other days want nothing from me. She says it’s not much of a consolation prize but that she admits that she doesn’t make sense, or in other words she’s “crazy.” Here’s the thing guys. I don’t care if we’re not together. I just want her to be happy. That’s it. I want to reach out to her and text her, saying above all else, I’ll be there for her if she needs me. I know it might seem a little naive to do so. I’ve always been one to go cold NC after a breakup, but I can’t “leave” knowing she’s going through something like this.
Mardelis Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Sounds like the best way to handle it. She doesn't want your support, nothing else you can do. Except maybe make sure her family and friends are aware of her mental state, perhaps they can help unless she's pushed everyone away at which point it's a question of whether she's a danger to herself and should someone step in and force her into treatment of some sort but that is not your concern at this time.
Million.to.1 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 I'm confused. This post is posted in the dating section, and the title says "Clinically Depressed Girlfriend" - but then it says your ex was diagnosed... Could you be a bit clearer with your situation? is she your GF or now your Ex? Who ended the relationship? was she diagnosed before or after the break-up? You obviously want advice on staying in touch or if better to go N/C, but it's dependant on the few things above you should clarify.
Mardelis Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 I'm confused. This post is posted in the dating section, and the title says "Clinically Depressed Girlfriend" - but then it says your ex was diagnosed... Could you be a bit clearer with your situation? is she your GF or now your Ex? Who ended the relationship? was she diagnosed before or after the break-up? Seems pretty clear to me. She's his ex, who broke up with him possibly only because of her existing clinical depression that has caused her to withdraw and isolate from others.
Author jjbarr19 Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 Sounds like the best way to handle it. She doesn't want your support, nothing else you can do. Except maybe make sure her family and friends are aware of her mental state, perhaps they can help unless she's pushed everyone away at which point it's a question of whether she's a danger to herself and should someone step in and force her into treatment of some sort but that is not your concern at this time. Logically I know the best way to handle it is to go NC. But emotionally I’m inclined to at least let her know I’m going to be there. I’m not reaching out to continually reach out on a day to day basis. No. I just want her to know that the door is always open, and that she’s always welcome for a quick chat.
Author jjbarr19 Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 I'm confused. This post is posted in the dating section, and the title says "Clinically Depressed Girlfriend" - but then it says your ex was diagnosed... Could you be a bit clearer with your situation? is she your GF or now your Ex? Who ended the relationship? was she diagnosed before or after the break-up? You obviously want advice on staying in touch or if better to go N/C, but it's dependant on the few things above you should clarify. Mardelis said it best. But yes, I could have been a lot clearer. Sorry!
GoreSP Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Is she getting treatment? At this point, she told you what she needs from you. Make sure she is getting the help she needs and that she knows you will be there for her if/when she is ready for your help. Whether this will ne as a friend or a boyfriend will be up to both of you when the time comes. Perhaps you can contact a family member she is close to, to make sure she isn’t all by herself. 1
Author jjbarr19 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Posted October 22, 2018 Is she getting treatment? At this point, she told you what she needs from you. Make sure she is getting the help she needs and that she knows you will be there for her if/when she is ready for your help. Whether this will ne as a friend or a boyfriend will be up to both of you when the time comes. Perhaps you can contact a family member she is close to, to make sure she isn’t all by herself. Yeah, she’s seeing a therapist and is on medication. But I’ll text her tomorrow and at that point, leave her be. That’s all I can really do.
David33 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Sounds like you already know what to do. All you can do is let her reach out to you and be a good listener. Cheers
alphamale Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 she sounds more bipolar to me. is she seeing a good psychiatrist?
smackie9 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Good that she is taking responsibility for her mental health. It's usually recommended to stay away from a romantic partner while doing treatment because it is a distraction and can cause stress. She NEEDS to focus on herself without interruption. She doesn't need to hear, how are you? how is the treatment going? It's just going to annoy her. It's time to let her make the decisions for herself. If she doesn't want to talk to you, then let her be. When she is feeling better she will contact you then, but for now she needs her space....she will be fine now that she is seeking treatment, and I'm sure her family is closely watching. 1
AngryGromit Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Here’s the thing guys. I don’t care if we’re not together. I just want her to be happy. That’s it. I want to reach out to her and text her, saying above all else, I’ll be there for her if she needs me. I know it might seem a little naive to do so. I’ve always been one to go cold NC after a breakup, but I can’t “leave” knowing she’s going through something like this. Take to someone who was married to someone who had clinical depression for 10 years, it's a life time commitment. While you don't want to see her unhappy, at some point you have to think about your own happiness. In my case the Ex had up days and down, but her combination of medication kept relatively stable. Over the years her doctors had to keep increasing her medication to keep her stable, the bad days came more often, her interest in sex diminished to nothing, she occasionally have sex to make me happy, but it wasn't something she had any interest in doing. In the end I just got tired of dealing with her, things were only going to get worse as time went on, I decided it's time to think about my own happiness and it was time to bail. I recommend against getting involved with someone with the slightest sign of depression, you can't love to enough to make them better, it's always a roller coaster ride relationship. 3
David33 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Take to someone who was married to someone who had clinical depression for 10 years, it's a life time commitment. ... I recommend against getting involved with someone with the slightest sign of depression, you can't love to enough to make them better, it's always a roller coaster ride relationship. Exactly. In my case it took 13 years to find out she had major depression and 10 more to surrender a losing battle. 2
PRW Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) Here’s the thing guys. I don’t care if we’re not together. I just want her to be happy. That’s it. I want to reach out to her and text her, saying above all else, I’ll be there for her if she needs me. Stop BSing. Yes, you care if you are together. You want to "linger in orbit" in hopes something will change with her so you two can "live happily ever after" together You can't "be there for her" if you are involved romantically with someone else. You can't tell the New Girl, "Sorry, I have to go "be there" for my depressed EX because she needs me,...see when I get back." Edited October 22, 2018 by PRW
Gretchen12 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 I too have dealt with that before. My ex bf was functioning well on his meds as long as he is not in a relationship (at least with me). Relationships trigger past memories, childhood trauma, and how he sees himself. Those things are often the reason for the depression so it's really too much. Sure you can say you'll be there. But quite unnecessary. I find people with depression do know they can reach out. Depression is not timidity. They'd just rather not deal with you. Also meds don't "cure". It just helps the person to sort of function day to day. There is therapy but no definite solutions. I also came to the realization that my ex can never love anyone the way I do. His childhood did not allow him to develop that capacity. He knows attachment very well, but he was not shown love as a child so he really doesn't know. The most he can be is a companion only, which is fine for others, not me. 2
PRW Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 I too have dealt with that before. My ex bf was functioning well on his meds as long as he is not in a relationship (at least with me). Relationships trigger past memories, childhood trauma, and how he sees himself. Those things are often the reason for the depression so it's really too much. Sure you can say you'll be there. But quite unnecessary. I find people with depression do know they can reach out. Depression is not timidity. They'd just rather not deal with you. Also meds don't "cure". It just helps the person to sort of function day to day. There is therapy but no definite solutions. I also came to the realization that my ex can never love anyone the way I do. His childhood did not allow him to develop that capacity. He knows attachment very well, but he was not shown love as a child so he really doesn't know. The most he can be is a companion only, which is fine for others, not me. Well stated Gretchen12. 1
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