CofusedGuy Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 So I have been seeing this girl for about 2 weeks, met 4 times. Firs we just went for a walk and coffe, second date we saw a movie at her place. A lot of cuddling and some kissing, but she wasn't comfortable with sharing bed so I slept on the couch because I live quite far away and hour was late. Anyway, third date. Movie at her, a lot of cuddling, kissing and we ended up in bed. I had a boner all evening, but when it was time to put on a condom the little ****er didn't wanny play no more. Guess it was nevosity So nothing more happened that night. And after this she has been feeling quite cold. No more flirty emojis or text, and she didnt really wanted to kiss goodbye a. After this we texted for a few days and then we met up yesterday. Sae again, movie and cooked food. Only this time she didnt really wanted to cuddle. When i took initiative to cuddle it was fine, but she dint really "cuddle back".. Nothing really happened that night, we went to bed and i'm certain she felt my boner and i tried to take som initiative to sex but she honesly was really tired. Or a good actor... And today, just before i went back home she apologized for the night before, and i just told her its fine but that i appreciate honesty if there is anything. That when she told me: Im not sure if i see you as a friend or anything more.. F***! I had told myself before this last date that this time i have to have sex with her to get that flirty feeling back, but that just didnt happen.. So what about now, how should i play this from here?
Garcon1986 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Ask her up front if she is willing to work on performance anxiety with you. It takes a lot of different things to come together even on a physiologic biological level to keep the hardon. If she doesn't want to do it, you've gotta pack your bags. Any neediness from you will get you in the friendzone that's for sure. If she's an honest, genuine, nonmanipulative woman, you might actually enjoy working on your little issue with her.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 You don't have sex with a woman to get a flirty feeling back when she obviously doesn't want to have sex with you, OP. For whatever reason, she isn't feeling the right chemistry with you. It's best to part ways. 1
Logo Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 So I have been seeing this girl for about 2 weeks, met 4 times. Firs we just went for a walk and coffe, second date we saw a movie at her place. A lot of cuddling and some kissing, but she wasn't comfortable with sharing bed so I slept on the couch because I live quite far away and hour was late. Anyway, third date. Movie at her, a lot of cuddling, kissing and we ended up in bed. I had a boner all evening, but when it was time to put on a condom the little ****er didn't wanny play no more. Guess it was nevosity So nothing more happened that night. And after this she has been feeling quite cold. No more flirty emojis or text, and she didnt really wanted to kiss goodbye a. After this we texted for a few days and then we met up yesterday. Sae again, movie and cooked food. Only this time she didnt really wanted to cuddle. When i took initiative to cuddle it was fine, but she dint really "cuddle back".. Nothing really happened that night, we went to bed and i'm certain she felt my boner and i tried to take som initiative to sex but she honesly was really tired. Or a good actor... And today, just before i went back home she apologized for the night before, and i just told her its fine but that i appreciate honesty if there is anything. That when she told me: Im not sure if i see you as a friend or anything more.. F***! I had told myself before this last date that this time i have to have sex with her to get that flirty feeling back, but that just didnt happen.. So what about now, how should i play this from here? A lot of guy get nervous on the first couple of dates and go limp bizkit. Mature and confident women understand that. That shouldn't disqualify you if she's looking for a relationship. If you're the one looking for a relationship, then she's not for you because she sounds immature and it sounds like she's only after sex. Ask yourself, how did you end up at her place watching a movie and cuddling on the second date? I would stop contacting her. If she contacts you, tell her you're looking for someone to be in a relationship with (If that's what you want).
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 A lot of female sexual desire is based up on a man wanting her and the more desperate and aroused he is (within reason obviously), the more exciting it is. It makes her feel like she is hot and desired. The fact you were not aroused when you were in bed made her feel bad, unwanted and undesirable. Men "always" want sex is the mantra, so what is wrong with her? Is she that ugly? She got turned off, she went cold, she friendzoned you. 1
Author CofusedGuy Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 You don't have sex with a woman to get a flirty feeling back when she obviously doesn't want to have sex with you, OP. For whatever reason, she isn't feeling the right chemistry with you. It's best to part ways. Well i got mixed feelings when we where together. I dont know... A lot of guy get nervous on the first couple of dates and go limp bizkit. Mature and confident women understand that. That shouldn't disqualify you if she's looking for a relationship. If you're the one looking for a relationship, then she's not for you because she sounds immature and it sounds like she's only after sex. Ask yourself, how did you end up at her place watching a movie and cuddling on the second date? I would stop contacting her. If she contacts you, tell her you're looking for someone to be in a relationship with (If that's what you want). We have already talked about it. I have been pretty clear with what i want. And she told me the same, but yeah, it might have been just to get me into bed.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 The ball is in her court so to say. What i'm thinking now is that if i havent heard from her in a few days, i'm gonna text her and ask her out on a date and say something like: I'm going to take you out on an amazing date. First we do something fun like rockclimbing, bownling or why not laser-tag! Then i'm taking you to a nice romantic dinner with a lot of laughter and flirting. Then we'll take a nice romantic walk back to my place for some hot and amazing sex. Then after this you can make a decision. Good heavens, no. Do not send that, especially the bolded. OP, just send a normal invitation. None of this "I'm going to this, and then we're going to do that, and then we're going to have hot sex." Ask her out; don't tell her that she's going out with you an then go to your house and have sex with you. Wrong idea, on every level. It puts too much pressure on her, and it's so contrived. It's way too risky to send a message like this to a girl you barely know. I know you're a little desperate to see her again, but if i got a message like that from a guy I was already lukewarm for, you very likely would not be getting the response you wanted. 1
Logo Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 You're feeling anxious when it's time to 'perform' because you like her and see a long-term relationship with her. Try not to think about that when the time is right and just think about what it is about her that arouses you, physically. 1
Author CofusedGuy Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 Good heavens, no. Do not send that, especially the bolded. OP, just send a normal invitation. None of this "I'm going to this, and then we're going to do that, and then we're going to have hot sex." Ask her out; don't tell her that she's going out with you an then go to your house and have sex with you. Wrong idea, on every level. I know you're a little desperate to see her again, but if i got a message like that from a guy I was already lukewarm for, you very likely would not be getting the response you wanted. Haha, copy that! First time I'm the one being friendzoned, so this is a hole new layer in dating for me... 1
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 She has put you in the friendzone, so any text mentioning hot sex is not appropriate, especially since - sorry! to say this - but you failed to deliver the last time... Just ask her out but do not be surprised if she says "No" or "yes but only as friends..."
Redhead14 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 (edited) <anip> And today, just before i went back home she apologized for the night before, and i just told her its fine but that i appreciate honesty if there is anything. That when she told me: Im not sure if i see you as a friend or anything more.. F***! I had told myself before this last date that this time i have to have sex with her to get that flirty feeling back, but that just didnt happen.. So what about now, how should i play this from here? You don't "play" anything. Either you're OK with just friendship or you want a dating scenario that has the potential for becoming long-term. If you want a long-term, you're not going to get that from her. You don't try to figure out ways to manipulate a woman into a dating scenario she doesn't want and trying to be in her head. Be in yours. She wasn't and isn't making you feel good about the scenario. There is no "might" friendzone you, she did friendzone you straight up -- "Im not sure if i see you as a friend or anything more... " It seems to me that you are taking the "I'm not sure" part of that statement as leaving the door open on some level. It doesn't. If you're thinking she's playing a game with you by putting it that way to push you to see if you will chase her, I don't think that would end well for either of you. Edited October 21, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote and bold
Author CofusedGuy Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 She has put you in the friendzone, so any text mentioning hot sex is not appropriate, especially since - sorry! to say this - but you failed to deliver the last time... Just ask her out but do not be surprised if she says "No" or "yes but only as friends..." Yep, I know I failed And this isn't really helping my anxiety, its a catch-22.. Well well, it is what it is So, i'm gonna lay low for a couple of days and see if the text me. If not I'll just ask her out and expect the answer to be "no". And if she say something like she still wanna be friends I'm just gonna say no, i'm looking for something more and then leave it be. Thx for listening to my rant, but i's nice to vent 1
Author CofusedGuy Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 Hmm... One more thought my friend gave me but i'm uncertain. What if I tell her something like: "I understand how she is feeling, but that I'm looking for something that is more than friends. And if she changes her mind she knows how to get to me. " She havent told me she sees me just like a friend, just that she dosnt know (even if thats the same thing more or less). The thing that talks against it is that she also said that she often backs off if shes beaing "pushed". And hence that I might better wait to hear from her, or wait a couple more days before saying something? But by saying something first I'm taking command of the situation.
smackie9 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Girls don't change their mind. Accept it and move on. 1
Author CofusedGuy Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 Girls don't change their mind. Accept it and move on. Yeah I will. Just trying to figure out if there is one last thing to try..
smackie9 Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Yeah I will. Just trying to figure out if there is one last thing to try.. Stop oh please stop. Here's a tip: to be desirable is to be unavailable. That's right, instead of bending over backwards for a girl which leads to friend zoning and her wiping her feet on you, showing her that you are not phased by her rejection, and she is now off the list, may make her see you as Alpha rather than some shelp that keeps begging.
Logo Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Yeah I will. Just trying to figure out if there is one last thing to try.. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Work under that assumption and go no-contact. If she contacts you, great. If not, chalk it up to a learning experience. 1
Saracena Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 A lot of female sexual desire is based up on a man wanting her and the more desperate and aroused he is (within reason obviously), the more exciting it is. It makes her feel like she is hot and desired. The fact you were not aroused when you were in bed made her feel bad, unwanted and undesirable. Men "always" want sex is the mantra, so what is wrong with her? Is she that ugly? She got turned off, she went cold, she friendzoned you. This is what I was going to say as well. She most likely thought you weren't really all that attracted to her. Hence her behaviour afterwards..
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Hmm... One more thought my friend gave me but i'm uncertain. What if I tell her something like: "I understand how she is feeling, but that I'm looking for something that is more than friends. And if she changes her mind she knows how to get to me. " It's really not necessary to say this. She already knows you want more than friendship, and she has your number so she knows how to get in touch if she wants. Verbalizing it is redundant, really. 2
Rocker71 Posted October 22, 2018 Posted October 22, 2018 Wow! Her attraction window closed fairly quick! She already friendzoned you. Here's what you do: * Meet and date other women. * Meet and date other women. * Do not contact her trying to explain yourself. It'll make you look weak and desperate. * Do not contact her asking her out or to get together. In fact, STOP contacting her. Ghost her, drop off the face of the earth. (Maybe she'll wonder about you.) * Meet and date other women! Don't get hung up on her. I made the mistake of being too timid in my pursuit of a woman that knocked my socks off, she friend zoned me, I caught one-itis for her and my life hasn't been the same. It works for me to date other women and strike while the iron is hot. Laying in bed cuddling means her iron is hot and she's ready for sex. Don't be so timid again because once a woman sees you're not gonna make the move, she'll make up her mind about you and she'll never again see you as a potential lover. Hope I could help.
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