Wag Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 (edited) I've recently reconnected with a girl I used to work with. We were in different departments and never really spoke so this feels more like getting to know one another for the first time, rather than just saying hi if we passed in the corridor. We don't really ever socialise in person, but we've been talking on Facebook a lot over the past week after bumping into each other randomly and I feel like I'd like to get to know her better, so I plan to ask if she'd be interested in going on a date with me sometime. She's quite a shy person so I'm planning to offer something more low-key to begin with like drinks rather than full on dinner so we can both test the waters and have some good conversation without putting too much pressure on the situation. The thing is, I'm having difficulty determining whether she's already got a boyfriend or not. We don't have any mutual friends I can mention this to, for example, and she hasn't got any relationship information listed on her Facebook page, single or otherwise. Nor are there any pictures on there of her alone with another guy more recent than about 2 years ago (there are a few guys who interact with her regularly on there, but they all seem to be old school friends of hers so that's not really any indication). We talk about all sorts of things and when we do she mentions 'friends' a lot - i.e. 'my friend who does x said', 'my friend who does y said', 'me and my friends did this' etc. If I ask what she did today its always 'my friend and I went to a, b, or c'. But she has never mentioned a boyfriend to me, and I feel there have been a lot of opportunities for her to at least mention one in passing. What do you all think? Do you reckon that by now, if she wasn't single, I'd have heard at least a passing reference from her about having a boyfriend? Or am I just overthinking this? All opinions welcome, but especially from the female of the species haha EDIT: I'm aware she's under no obligation to tell me about her personal relationships of course, but I just feel like most people I meet who are in a relationship mention their significant other quite early on in our getting to know one another. Is this a fair assessment? Edited October 20, 2018 by Wag
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 Be Alpha and just ask her if she does......say, hey are you dating anyone atm?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 You're right that FB profiles don't always tell the full story. I keep my romantic life off social media, as I feel it's my personal business and I have work contacts on my Friend list with whom I prefer to remain professional, but I post very rarely anyway. I have been happily with my partner coming up on 4 years now. However, given the fact that she hasn't mentioned a boyfriend at all either, I am inclined to think there isn't one. Most girls would click in that a guy regularly chatting with us is probably also trying to generate some interest beyond friendship, so if there was a boyfriend, we would likely try to drop a mention of him to send the message that we are not on the market. You'll never know unless you ask, though. Extend the invite for a drink, as you planned, and see how she responds.
Author Wag Posted October 20, 2018 Author Posted October 20, 2018 Yes, you're probably right. That's pretty much what I'd been thinking. I tend to use FB just to keep in touch with distant friends mostly, so I don't put too much personal information on there either. But when I'm in a relationship, if I'm talking with someone I'm getting to know, there'll eventually be a time when I mention my girlfriend even if just in passing. She seems quite a shy person so I don't want to ask outright whether she's single. That immediately signals "I have a relationship with you in mind", which puts a lot of pressure on the interaction, whereas I'd like to start by getting to know her better, taking it slow, and seeing if something develops. But I agree: I'll just ask her if she'd like to go out for a drink with me. If she is seeing someone, that's probably the best way to find out.
Author Wag Posted October 21, 2018 Author Posted October 21, 2018 Well, I bit the bullet and asked her if she'd like to get together for a drink with me, just the two of us. She responded positively, so we set a date for this week. Still no mention of a boyfriend so I guess I have my answer 1
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 I think if she was not interested she would mention a BF, real or not, to dissuade you. Since she hasn't mentioned a BF she probably either doesn't have one or she doesn't realize you are attracted to her. If she doesn't see you as a potential date, she has no reason to disclose the BF because he's not relevant to her work interactions with you. Bottom line if you want to know, you have to ask her. You can't rely on somebody else's silence to provide you with necessary info based on your assumptions.
Logo Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 Well, I bit the bullet and asked her if she'd like to get together for a drink with me, just the two of us. She responded positively, so we set a date for this week. Still no mention of a boyfriend so I guess I have my answer Enjoy the date!
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