Ok. This will probably be one of the worst break ups ever.

[happymouse0424]

Okay recently, I broke up with my ex in a short term relationship of about 3 months (me 26 and her 25). We were both seeking for a long term relationship but I guess things didn't really turn out great for her. She felt like we were rushing things and I felt like she wasn't really committed either probably because she was a very independent woman.

 

We've had many ups and downs during our relationship. We fought a lot. Almost once every two to three days but we've also had very good times as well. Communication I think was the main issue. During the last two weeks of our relationship we've decided to give each other space because I was very emotionally unstable due to an issue with my mother's health due to brain tumor so I was being very emotionally abusive and was disappointed every time she would deny my opinions. It totally turned her off and decided to have a two weeks period of space towards each other. Although I was constantly asking for reconsideration and she would be asking that she needs more space, I felt like she wasn't really committed and would ask me to stay as friends which again turned things really weird. I felt like we did have feelings towards each other calling each other baby and love you and all that so I just thought it wasn't really right and asked her to make things clear. She was really disappointed about this and said she needed even more time to clear things up. A few days later we decided to get back but the spark wasn't there anymore. I tried everything to ask her out on a date and discuss this issue but I kept getting refused and actually I did see something coming. In the end we seperated and she asked that she thinks she needed to end this relationship because she said she needs someone to rely on not someone she has to carry.

 

Sounds completely normal until here I guess but after this things get ugly. I couldn't handle the post break up very well. I have blocked her on all social media to get a hold of myself and soon realized she blocked me as well. We used to work in the same office so it was really hard for me to get over her. After nearly 2 weeks of no contact, I asked her that we shouldn't hate each other and keep things cool and she agreed with it, had a few casual talks and I was joking around with her about the blocking thing. She said we could go out dating again if she feels in the mood and unblocks me and also told me she is going to quit the job. Until a day, I got emotionally wrecked.

 

Okay. I smoke like every hour or so in the office and she also smokes so we get to meet outside quite often. The funny thing is if I tell her I wish you wouldn't think I am stalking you she will tell me to stop overthinking and if I don't tell her she would tell her friends that I'm stalking her LOL. I guess emotions haven't been completely clear for her as well as she randomly says things like I have no feelings for you or says that she is so emotionally sad about this situation etc etc. even if I haven't asked her. Well probably the worst part is I got fired from my job because of this emotional outburst I had. I randomly told her that I am really bored and she said she was watching a video. I was really cool with that but I couldn't handle the hot and cold reaction towards me and told her no reason to be cold to me we are friends and she said you are still expecting something from me when we are just friends which ended up in an arguement of pushing shouting and screaming which I initiated. I think she was more angry about the fact that she was humiliated in work and she reported to HR which led to me getting forced to resign.

 

In conclusion, I know this sounds ridiculous. I lost my job and the relationship was also kind of a continuous repetition of hot and cold in which I wasn't happy about. But I really don't know its already been 6 weeks after the break up and I seem to can't get over her. It was the worst relationship and the worst break up but it seems like I can't forget her and to be honest I've never been in so much love with someone in my life. Now I feel like I don't need to be in love with her (I know our relationship will never work out until someone change which I think will not coz both of us are so self centered and egoisitic) but just the guilt that I have for all the wrong things I have done to someone I love I want to be forgiven by her. I know it will take a long time for such a bad break up to heal and I doubt if she will ever forgive me. When do you guys think will be the right time to apologize to her? Is it even possible in a situation like this to be forgiven?

Edited October 20, 2018 by happymouse0424

[GinON]

Right off the bat, you need a therapist. You are very anxious and overthinking things and need to get that dealt with. Sounds like me in my 20s. Deal with it now or deal with in 20 years when you are getting divorced with kids.

 

I guess I will get on the bandwagon and tell you to seek out Corey Wayne’s book and videos... and also watch a bunch of Craig Kenneth on youtube.

 

When a woman says she needs space, she is done, walk away. If she comes back you need to be a calm centered person she can feel comfortable with.

 

Good luck man, 3-4 months is SHORT. It feels terrible when you get dumped but you have to move on and find yourself so you are better for the next relationship, otherwise expect the same experience over and over again.

[Simple Logic]

90 days is called dating. No wonder she bolted.

[d0nnivain]

This relationship lasted 90 days & had problems from the outset. Your expectations were out of whack. You wanted way too much too soon.

 

You dramatize a lot, calling this the "worst break up ever". The short term nature of the relationship alone negates that possibility.

 

I'm sorry about your mom. That is a lot for anybody but especially so soon after getting together you can't expect a new SO to be your therapist or even emotional sounding board.

[ExpatInItaly]

Dear, me.

 

OP, I do hope you are seeking professional help for your emotional instability. Initiating a screaming and pushing match - at work of all places - tells me your emotions are totally out of control. Please, take that as a sign that you are not in the right place to date and have other issues to solve first. You desperately need to learn coping mechanisms to deal with your pain and anger. You are fortunate that resignation was the only consequence; you could have easily been facing far more serious problems with the law, given the physical contact.

 

I was once shoved by an ex in the heat of argument. While I don't now wish any ill will on him, it forever changed the way I saw him and I would not ever consider dating him again. Physical aggression is an absolute dealbreaker for most people. Might she forgive? Maybe, one day. Will she forget? No.

 

While I understand your desire to apologize, I would not contact her. It is very unlikely that she wants to hear from you again and you might find yourself in more hot water if you try. Use this episode as a turning point to make some serious changes in your life so something like this never happens again.

[happymouse0424]

Ok thanks guys. Booking a therapist ASAP.

[Gretchen12]

The apology is for yourself to feel better, definitely not for her. To be forgiven is also for yourself. So, again, you are trying to get something from her. She wants to be left alone. Apologizing is not leaving her alone.

 

People with disorder are sometimes first diagnosed at your age. This is when relationships bring out problems in you. It's good you are seeking help now. I know a guy who wasn't diagnosed until his late 40's. By then he had already gone through suicide attempts, bankruptcy, substance abuse, arrest for battery. He's in his late 50's now, on meds, lonely, no family no friends, living hand to mouth in a boring job and crappy apartment. And the really sad thing is that he was really smart and talented. But he was so emotionally turbulent that his head was always too filled with that anguish to ever make anything of himself career wise. It's really a waste.

 

Treat it as any other illness. You can get well, so that you can be equipped to pursue your dreams in life.

[preraph]

It's very hard to deal with parents getting old and having bad health. It's very stressful. It would be hard to carry on a relationship through that. Sounds like she doesn't agree with you about some things and you don't like that. So you're not compatible. You can always apologize to her, but you need to just move on and not try to be friends or more with her. And yes, you need to talk to a therapist and get your fear or anger under control because it's destructive. Good luck.

[happymouse0424]

Yep. I've always seemed to have anxiety issues besides her as well. Always this fear and anger exploding whenever I fail in achieving something besides relationship, workwise as well. Thanks for all the help guys and now seeking to become a better person for myself and the people I meet in the future.