BaileyB Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I am currently messaging with someone who's in the Bahamas for another week. He wants to have dinner when he gets back. Then he messaged wanting to know if he could fly me down to the Bahamas for a long weekend lol. I thanked him and said I prefer to establish a friendship with someone before I go on vacation with them. He said he understood. Well, thank goodness you have learned something from this most recent experience about men who come on too fast and too strong (see the above email, it’s so over the top it’s ridiculous). When they do this, it’s usually pure fantasy... What’s wrong with being single and taking a break from dating for a while Kat? 1
mark clemson Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Honestly, after reading that I'd never trust a word that came out of this person's mouth again. WAY too syrupy for someone you're having serious issues and discussions with. I think he's just trying what worked in the past before to keep you interested. And IMO, that's all he's doing. 1
mark clemson Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I know I'm guilty of having an EA myself. But I can definitely say I'd never be capable of writing crap like that. I think this guy is high up on the sociopathy scale.
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 @Mark He knew in no uncertain terms I wasn't going to continue with an affair, especially as he's made promises he wouldn't or couldn't keep. What kind of a person does that to someone who has been hurt so badly by her ex. He knew everything about the separation. He was my support during that period. I just don't understand how he could be so malicious.
mark clemson Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I think he thought he could pull you back in with the pillow talky stuff. I think that's all he wants/wanted. It may be the "love" as much as the sex as a poster above pointed out, but that doesn't really matter. This person is an emotional parasite IMO if that's the case. I'm glad you are at the point where you can see through it. IMO, it's 100% the best thing is to have this person out of your life so you can make room for someone more genuine.
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 Seeing through it doesn't make me feel less of a fool for believing in him. It doesn't make it hurt less. I feel sorry for his wife. God knows what she's put up with all these years. No wonder she's depressed and piled on the weight. No wonder she doesn't pay attention to him. Apparently she's gone back to her old ways. Who the heck can blame her. He is beyond vile.
BaileyB Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 IMO, it's 100% the best thing is to have this person out of your life so you can make room for someone more genuine. Agreed. Because what you posted above, isn’t genuine. Not at all. My boyfriend would dump me I feel I talked to him that way. He has a hard time sending me a heart emoji when we text good night. This guy was all about creating a fantasy. I would bet that he doesn’t talk to his wife that way. It’s just way too much... very disingenuous. 2
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 I am beyond tempted to call his wife and tell her everything.
anika99 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Honestly, after reading that I'd never trust a word that came out of this person's mouth again. WAY too syrupy for someone you're having serious issues and discussions with. I think he's just trying what worked in the past before to keep you interested. And IMO, that's all he's doing. Thats what I thought too. But it's not just syrupy it's also light and breezy, like he's making plans to picnic or something. The tone is just really off somehow. There is a lack of depth and no acknowledgment of the severity of the situation or the pain he has/is causing LKK. It sounds disconnected from reality. He doesn't sound like a guy with a very high emotional IQ or like he has any depth. Not sure how you ever developed any sort of connection with this guy. 2
assertives Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I would consider telling his wife. She deserves to know what's going on in her marriage. Her husband have been going to counselling with her without being truthful. The MC was all a farce. Also, him making such disparaging comments on her looks and then trampled on her heartfelt letter that she wrote him by turning around and sharing with another woman.. I feel she needs to know. Perhaps you can find a way to let her know anonymously or something.
WasOtherWoman Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Hang on here... telling his wife? I thought she already knew? (And i believe that you actually knew for a fact that he told her about you at one time). That said.. Oh Lord, leave it be now. If you tell his wife you will be sucked into their drama. You don't need that. Just walk away and for the love of God be done with this man. This is CLASSIC, 100% typical MM behavior. Kat, he is not being cruel or malicious, he is being selfish. He is not even THINKING about you, he is only thinking of himself. Kat.. come on. You now know exactly what you are dealing with. Just move on, please. 2
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 This is CLASSIC, 100% typical MM behavior. Kat, he is not being cruel or malicious, he is being selfish. He is not even THINKING about you, he is only thinking of himself. 100%. Kat, I too would stay away. There is a potential hornet's nest there, not a good idea to go poke it. Remain safe in the shadows. She will not be grateful for the info, neither will his kids, they will all hate you. Last thing you want now is to be a target of their hatred, when the "prize" is not even worth it. 1
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 Hang on here... telling his wife? I thought she already knew? (And i believe that you actually knew for a fact that he told her about you at one time). That said.. Oh Lord, leave it be now. If you tell his wife you will be sucked into their drama. You don't need that. Just walk away and for the love of God be done with this man. This is CLASSIC, 100% typical MM behavior. Kat, he is not being cruel or malicious, he is being selfish. He is not even THINKING about you, he is only thinking of himself. Kat.. come on. You now know exactly what you are dealing with. Just move on, please. She knew he was having an affair, strongly suspected it but he denied it. You're right about getting sucked in. Revenge is only momentarily satisfying but more toxic in the end. I know who I'm dealing with and I hate that person. The man I knew the first 7 months doesn't exist. He was an illusion. As for not being malicious, yes he is. He knew he was being hurtful. He knew I didn't want to continue the affair. He specifically told me he wanted to talk about us as a couple. Leaving his wife. I told him there wasn't anything to discuss otherwise. He got me there under false pretences. I knew the moment I saw him. He was awkward, not at all like someone who had an epiphany and not like someone who was intent on leaving his wife. He just wanted to prolong the affair for his selfish purposes, without regard to another person's feelings. That is vile and malicious. I am sick to my stomach that I ever let that lying, cheating dirtbag into my life and into my bed. 1
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 100%. Kat, I too would stay away. There is a potential hornet's nest there, not a good idea to go poke it. Remain safe in the shadows. She will not be grateful for the info, neither will his kids, they will all hate you. Last thing you want now is to be a target of their hatred, when the "prize" is not even worth it. Although I feel sorry for her, she can have her "prize".
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 Thats what I thought too. But it's not just syrupy it's also light and breezy, like he's making plans to picnic or something. The tone is just really off somehow. There is a lack of depth and no acknowledgment of the severity of the situation or the pain he has/is causing LKK. It sounds disconnected from reality. He doesn't sound like a guy with a very high emotional IQ or like he has any depth. Not sure how you ever developed any sort of connection with this guy. He had already acknowledged the hurt and was "definitive" about leaving and that was his way of "expressing his commitment" to us. When I met him, I was in the throes of an ugly separation after years of neglect, loneliness and emptiness. He listened and supported me through everything. He got me through it. Somewhere along the line starting when I began the thread, he began to change into this selfish, shallow self serving prick. Had he been who he is, I wouldn't have looked at him twice. At least he served his purpose. I guess there's that.
WasOtherWoman Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 . That is vile and malicious. I am sick to my stomach that I ever let that lying, cheating dirtbag into my life and into my bed. I know that you are hurting, i am truly sorry. Time heals, but i am sure it does not feel that way now. I wish there were something we could do ...
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 At least he served his purpose. I guess there's that. I think that is the way you have to look at it. I read once that life is a path and sometimes we meet people and they walk along that path with us for a little while, until they go off on their own path and we shouldn't be sad, as that is just the way life is. They bring to us things that we can cherish and remember and have added to our life in some way. He showed you what it is like to be loved and adored if only for a short while. Now you need to keep following your own path and he needs to follow his. 1
anika99 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 She knew he was having an affair, strongly suspected it but he denied it. You're right about getting sucked in. Revenge is only momentarily satisfying but more toxic in the end. I know who I'm dealing with and I hate that person. The man I knew the first 7 months doesn't exist. He was an illusion. As for not being malicious, yes he is. He knew he was being hurtful. He knew I didn't want to continue the affair. He specifically told me he wanted to talk about us as a couple. Leaving his wife. I told him there wasn't anything to discuss otherwise. He got me there under false pretences. I knew the moment I saw him. He was awkward, not at all like someone who had an epiphany and not like someone who was intent on leaving his wife. He just wanted to prolong the affair for his selfish purposes, without regard to another person's feelings. That is vile and malicious. I am sick to my stomach that I ever let that lying, cheating dirtbag into my life and into my bed. But it's too late to talk about being a couple and leaving. There's already been 7 months of that so I don't understand why you were willing to have any more discussions about it in the first place. The time for discussing is over.
Aloha123 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 LKK, you are a very smart "information gatherer". Here is an article on the subject of whether to tell the wife that you should definitely read. This whole website, which I just discovered is absolutely phenomenal. I wish I knew of it a long time ago: https://www.goasksuzie.com/tell-his-wife-about-our-affair/
Aloha123 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 You know, when people on this thread tried to call him out for being a manipulative liar, I actually thought they were being a little harsh in this instance. I thought he was more of a pathetic wishy-washy loser than a "casanova womanizer. But, after reading that ridiculous phony message, I have changed my mind!! You know, it occurred to me that all of us OW should perhaps post the actual messages from our MM more often. Because once they see the light of day, it's just impossible to take the seriously!!! 1
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 You know, it occurred to me that all of us OW should perhaps post the actual messages from our MM more often. Because once they see the light of day, it's just impossible to take them seriously!!! I agree if we had all been party to the "wooing" of Lilkat a year ago, maybe none of this would ever have happened... 1
Abetterme Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Kat - I am happy going seems to have produced some closure and clarity for you. I know one size doesn’t fit all and we have to process things in our own time. I wish I’d come to terms with ending my A in the same time you’ve managed to do so, it is very tough when you’re still in limerance to see all the obvious muck. I truly was appalled reading his email and agree with everything other posters have said about the intention of the message. He has shown you where he wants to be. It’s just a nail in the coffin on this thing.
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 I am not sorry I went. I was not unprepared. I knew full well not to expect a miracle but I needed to know after months of so called waffling, if after being adamant he was going to go back to same old, same old. True to form, that is exactly what he did. I could barely stand to look at him. Despite how I've been made to feel here at times, I appreciate the acknowledgement that I took my power back, in a lot less time than many. Thanks for that.
WasOtherWoman Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I am not sorry I went. I was not unprepared. I knew full well not to expect a miracle but I needed to know after months of so called waffling, if after being adamant he was going to go back to same old, same old. True to form, that is exactly what he did. I could barely stand to look at him. Despite how I've been made to feel here at times, I appreciate the acknowledgement that I took my power back, in a lot less time than many. Thanks for that. The fact is you DID take it back! Being an OW can be crazy-making. You now have all the answers you need from him, right? Sending strength and healing thoughts your way, Kat.
Author PhoenixRising8 Posted March 8, 2019 Author Posted March 8, 2019 Yes I do all the answers I needed. He is a parasite that feeds on vulnerability. We were over. There was no reason to start the cycle again for the fourth time. I told him there was no reason to meet if he wasn't leaving and he insisted he was. Guess he didn't believe me when I said I was finished with the affair. I hope he believes me now. Thanks for the support WOW. 1
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