Skeptical101 Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I've been told that what happens in the past, stays in the past. I've been trying very hard to live by those words, I'm just finding it more and more difficult. About 6 months ago, I met the most amazing guy. he is 31, I am 30. We had so much in common, and things just clicked automatically. We fell for each other pretty hard, and things seemed to be going great. After 2 months of dating, we decided to make things official. Meeting families, updating social media, that sort of thing. That's when the problems started. I was harassed by a girl he he had hooked up with months prior because she was jealous and stalking his Facebook page. This brought up the topic of ex's, sexual partners, and how many people we have been with. When he said 50, my jaw dropped. He assured me that he had been tested, and everything was fine. He had only been with me, and 1 other person since then. Low and behold, a month later we found out she had given him an STI, which he unknowingly passed on to me. This has completely crushed me, but he feels like absolute garbage. I cared about him, and felt like he was being truly sincere. So I gave things another chance. I have known since the start of our relationship that he was bi-sexual. I have never dated someone before that was. So this was new for me. We brought up the topic of porn one night, and he made a statement that he had been watching gay porn more frequently. When I asked him what he meant by that... he opened up his phone, and brought up this hook-up site catered to men. My stomach sank, and i got really sick. He said he only used it to watch videos that are posted, but in the past had used it for hook-ups with men. He was never romantically interested in them, it was just a sexual thing. His photo was set to private, but it was still a naked photo of him. And it stated that he wasn't interested in meeting anyone. I got up, and walked out, and went for a walk to calm down. I love this man, and I'm trying my hardest to not judge him based on things he's done before I even knew him. Is it possible to move past something like this, and just be content with the present? Is it possible to overlook the past and be okay with that?
Gaeta Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 Nothing of this is the past. Him lying about being tested is the present and him having naked picture of him online, on a hookup site is 100% the present. I'd abort if l were you. It's been 2 months you will survive. 1
bathtub-row Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I can’t for the life of me understand why you would be ok being with a bi-sexual man; a man who desires to sleep with other men. Drop him, raise your standards, and get tested for AIDS. Hope and pray you have not contracted that devastating disease.
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 (edited) I'm sorry but why would you take a persons word you have just met over using protection until you both were cleared for STD's first? Anyways, you are making poor choices all for the fact you are in love. Give your head a shake. His past isn't in the past at all...it's still current. There's a reason why he's been through 50 flings/dates/relationships or whatever you call them. He doesn't have the substance or the character to have a normal healthy relationship. You can't make this right. get rid of this guy, he is so bad bad bad for you. Edited October 19, 2018 by smackie9
Lotsgoingon Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 I've been told that what happens in the past, stays in the past. I've been trying very hard to live by those words, I'm just finding it more and more difficult. Whoever told you this statement about the past ... is utterly, totally, fully, directly, plainly ... and in all other ways WRONG! The statement makes no sense ... Does the trauma of young life stay in the past? No! ... Do our relationships with our parents stay in the past? No. Nothing about the past stays in the past ... And the more we get to know a person, the more we learn about their past. Almost always ... So ... throw that idea out ... the great William Faulkner's statement about this was ... "The past is never dead. It's not even past." Part of dating is figuring out if this person is right for you, is safe for you ... Person has past history of betraying others, stealing from others, using others--You HAVE to pay attention to that. And vice versa, person seems to have a happy life, has traveled, has done x and wife ... been healthy, of course we pay attention to this!!! The past is quite often very present. So my suggestion: rethink your situation with an understanding that our past affects us all the time.
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 It's Bothers you & that is all that matters. You are being judgy or unfair. You have been deceived (Although you do need to be more vigilant when trusting new partners). This behavior you don't like really isn't in the past. Some of it is still occurring. That alone would make me walk. 1
BaileyB Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 I would be out. There are lots of things that would bother me here, but the fact that he says he is bisexual would be the biggest deal breaker for me. He is engaging in extremely high risk behavior, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with the fact that he wouldn't (and has already) put your health at risk. I'm sorry.
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