Felt Better Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 Hey guys i could do with some advice if you've got a second please. My other post named 'dissapointing outcome' outlines the breakup My mother and my ex had their meet up, low and behold she brought the subject of me up and although very convincing (crying, saying she still loves me etc) I'm not sure how much of it I believe, neither did my mother, fully, who is a trained psychologist. She hinted to my mother that she will come and see me, at some point in the near future, I personally think to bury the hatchet further (maybe) the second time over, but in person this time. At first I was kind of happy that I would see her and she would open up etc but as I've had a day to think about it the more I'm beginning to think that 1. Reopening old wounds will do me no good 2. Closure is bull and whatever she says isn't going to resonate with me, and 3. I don't feel like I should listen to her alleviate her guilt so she can go on without feeling the way she does. I'm getting a vibe of put me on the 'backburner' from what I've been told and can't help but feel like she's definitely test driving someone else, possibly explaining in part the way she has handled everything. The way I see it I have 2 options. Let her come and see me and most likely feel terrible for a couple of weeks after.. Or.. Ignore her completely and let her know with silence that she has made her decision and to live with it. I'm open to suggestions as to how I should handle it if the opportunity arises. Thanks in advance. Fb x
Zahara Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 The way I see it I have 2 options. Let her come and see me and most likely feel terrible for a couple of weeks after.. Or.. Ignore her completely and let her know with silence that she has made her decision and to live with it. I read your other thread. I am not sure why she still has access to you and why you are potentially expecting a visit from her. You need to cut contact and stop this lifeline to her. She's treated you like a fallback twice. At this point your self-respect needs to kick in. And I am not sure why your mother is involved. In your last thread you said you told your mother not to mention anything about you nor should she speak to you about her. You're surprised that you came up? That lifeline needs to be severed too. Option 1 is not even an option. Why are you even thinking of putting yourself in a situation of pain when your first priority here is self-preservation.
Author Felt Better Posted October 19, 2018 Author Posted October 19, 2018 (edited) I read your other thread. I am not sure why she still has access to you and why you are potentially expecting a visit from her. You need to cut contact and stop this lifeline to her. She's treated you like a fallback twice. At this point your self-respect needs to kick in. And I am not sure why your mother is involved. In your last thread you said you told your mother not to mention anything about you nor should she speak to you about her. You're surprised that you came up? That lifeline needs to be severed too. Option 1 is not even an option. Why are you even thinking of putting yourself in a situation of pain when your first priority here is self-preservation. Ouch. My mother and her were friends before 'us'. I'm not going to start dictating to her whether she can talk to her or not, it's her decision. I said don't mention me, she didn't bring me up, my ex did and she let her talk not adding or discussing what I've been doing and how I'm feeling, or having a biased input for that matter. I'm not thinking logically, clearly, which is why I've come here for some advice. Im going to assume you'll be voting for option 2. I can't stop her turning up to my house to try and talk to me, that is a variable that even though she can't talk to me directly now, I can't change, and by the sounds of it, likely. Cheers for the honesty though, i do appreciate it. Edited October 19, 2018 by Felt Better Numbers
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