IceCreamIceQueen Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I've been involved with a married man for the past 6 months - purely emotional, no sex involved. He's considerably older than I am and we met through work. When things are good, they're amazing - I feel like I'm in love and that this is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. When things are bad, it makes me feel depressed, lonely and like there's no point in life. This man will never leave his wife and kids for me, nor would I want him to. I don't want to be in a relationship with him. But why can't I let him go? I know he's bad for me, and no good can ever come from this - so why when I try to end it do I keep going back there? I spend most of my time waiting for his messages. Waiting for the next time he can fit me into his busy life. I wish my week away so that I can fast-forward to the one day of the week that I get to see him. I'm obsessed. It's unhealthy. He's needy and I'm needy too. He likes me that way. I've agreed to be "faithful" to him which is bonkers considering he's married. I don't know what I'm hoping for here but I need to vent. This all feels so unbearable.
carhill Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 Welcome to LS.... Since you're not in an exclusive relationship with MM, as he is married, are you dating other men? IMO, describe your parameters, enjoy the social aspects and continue to seek out an available man for a mutually exclusive relationship. MM's are great windows into the minds of married people. MW's taught me more about women than any other humans on the planet. The good, the bad, the ugly. Reality. Didn't have to bang them to get the lessons. It's all in the mind. Since this guy is considerably older, is there some father-figure stuff at work here? I've noticed that with young MW's that they're married to a contemporary but get enamored or inolved with an older guy, myself on a few occasions. I figured it was more the father thing than any peer type lust or attraction. IME it phased out over time. Since you're new, be aware that different people describe affair types differently. As example, a PA doesn't necessarily mean genital sex. Think of any physical interaction you wouldn't engage in with your brother or father, and its context. Also, though many people I know personally don't consider EA's affairs, a lot of people do and this forum is populated with them. Pay your own way. Don't accept presents, treats, or actions that might inure you to MM. Don't allow him to waste (spend) marital assets on you. He's not your boyfriend, husband or life partner. He has a life partner and she's a legal partner as well. A MW recently talked about our 'relationship'. Um, well it's really only you liking the attention I give you and your 'relationship' is with your H. That's the reality of it. I've no problem with that but let's not make it something it's not. Accept the real. You're single and available. He's married. From your writings, that's not going to change. Cool, go with that. Lots of life to live.
elaine567 Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I spend most of my time waiting for his messages. Waiting for the next time he can fit me into his busy life. I wish my week away so that I can fast-forward to the one day of the week that I get to see him. I'm obsessed. It's unhealthy. You are correct it is unhealthy, and no way to live. Why are you doing this to yourself?
carhill Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 The OP wrote: But why can't I let him go? I know he's bad for me, and no good can ever come from this - so why when I try to end it do I keep going back there? Do you enjoy redundancy or just getting another shot in?
NotADayGoesBy Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I've been there and it is unbearable (except I am also married). If you are new to all this, maybe you haven't read about how addictive these kind of relationships are. They are EXTREMELY addictive and as you already know, very unhealthy. You get such a rush of endorphins that keep you coming back for more, in a way that normal relationships don't. Unfortunately, now that you're hooked on that 'high' it will be very hard to stop, even though you are miserable. I have no experience with that because in my case, he was the one who ended it. Now I just have to try to stay away to keep what little dignity I have left. If you are single, don't waste any more time on this guy. Like you say, it's bonkers that he asked you to be faithful to him. Ask yourself what you are getting out of this relationship, and then try to look for that with someone else (if it's friendship, try to deepen the friendships you already have; if it's validation of your attractiveness, then go on some dates). You deserve better.
cdjudd Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 You should look into therapy. I know that sounds cliche but when you find yourself in such a complicated situation, you should probably try to figure out how you got there in the first place. You said yourself that you know it won't go anywhere so why not try to find out the reason you're stuck?
SunnyWeather Posted October 20, 2018 Posted October 20, 2018 What does it mean to be "faithful" in an emotional affair?
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