Got dumped ( long distance)

[BMWN52]

Basically, this all started when I met a girl in Oregon, I'm from California. We met online and I told her i'd be in town visiting. At first she seemed very interested in me, talked me the whole time I drove up. Just natural flow of communication. So when we met up, we hit off immediately. She was very generous and showed me around town in Portland. We hung out almost everyday other day for almost 2 weeks. We had a connection, I could feel it. After dinner one night, she questioned me about my where the relationship was possibly going. I told her, while I did like her.. I was bit nervous about entering another relationship so soon because I just ended one previously with my ex-fiance not even 5 months ago. I told her, I needed time. ( major F up right there). She pretended to understand but of course didn't like my reaction. In any event, we continued to hangout going to the Zoo, dinner, etc. Did all that romantic stuff.

 

After I left town, we remained in contact almost everyday till I could feel she was " pulling back" or becoming lukewarm with me. I told her how I'm planning to relocate up there, or she could visit me. At first she seemed receptive to the idea of visiting me, then became sorta cold. So a week or so goes by and she mentioned her ex bf had sent her flowers randomly, she said that there was " no way I'd get back with him. He was too controlling". They broke up 10 months ago supposedly. The timing seemed odd, because after that remark is when things seemed to downhill. About a week after that ordeal, I sent flowers to her work which she seemed to enjoy. Her texts were still kinda lukewarm and I said asked her if " everything is ok?" She replied " no, it's not. It's about us". She said basically I was a nice guy but.... She had a " feeling the day I left". She went on saying how she couldn't fulfill my needs, etc. I called her out saying I think she met someone else and is pushing me away. Telling me how I would find someone great, I'm a nice guy blah blah. It's crazy because she was so into me.

 

 

 

She Hasn't blocked me which is a good sign. I noticed she also scrubbed her online profile, even changing the name. Pretty shady. I'm starting to think was I rebound? In retrospect, I think I should have pursued her from the start and told her I was ready. I now realize how strong my feelings are for her.

 

 

I've since then decided to come back to Portland a month later and look for places to rent, I'm in town after a week of no contact. I foolishly hit her up, she seemed nice initially. But then after texting and talking I suggested we catch up and that's when she said she " I'm not going to lead you on, I will not be able to meet up with you or text you anymore. You're a nice guy and deserve someone good, unfortunately, I am not that person." She is Russian and so was her ex, I think she decided to get back with him because her family wants her to be someone from the " home country". She explained that I the first American guy she's ever dated. Supposedly.

 

I'm just finding it hard to move on or accept that, I came up here for a fresh start. A new town, it seems like I have memories of her almost everywhere now.

Edited October 19, 2018 by BMWN52

[Highndry]

It's obvious she got back with the ex, but she doesn't want to say that. What she has made perfectly clear is the fact that she does not want you in her life, and you have no choice but to move on. Sucks, but that's life and it wasn't a long term relationship so you can easily bounce back.

[d0nnivain]

For whatever reason she's not interested. No matter how interested you are, relationships default to the one who says no. Sorry.

 

Happy apartment hunting but do not base your move on her. Do it for you. Possibly consider other locations if you now feel you can't get the fresh start you seek because your memories of her have spoiled the town for you.

[snowcones]

when a man tells a woman I’m not ready for a relationship” what she hears is “ I just want sex”, and obviously that is not her bag, so why should she continue? Just let it go.

[BaileyB]

It's a little foolish to move for someone you have known for such a short time.

 

If you want to live in Portland, move to Portland. Otherwise, make the decision that is best for your life.

 

I'm sorry this relationship is not going to work out for you. But, it's only been a short time that you've known her. With a little time, you will find another path.

[BMWN52]

It's obvious she got back with the ex, but she doesn't want to say that. What she has made perfectly clear is the fact that she does not want you in her life, and you have no choice but to move on. Sucks, but that's life and it wasn't a long term relationship so you can easily bounce back.

 

Yeah pretty much. I was an idiot and went back to town, I decided to look at places up there. I casually mentioned I was back in town, she flat out refused to meet up for a drink or anything. She actually blocked me then unblocked to basically tell me she " sorry, I can't talk to you anymore".

 

I managed to get another date in town, which went ok. But all I have to say is I think I'm done with that town. I don't think I can make a fresh start because of all the memories with her. I basically, she took me to all the important landmarks and places. Zoo, beach, viewpoints, downtown. Very lonely and sobering experience. I guess my emotions got the best of me, in retrospect I should have done nothing. Then ontop of that the winter weather came in, so I dealt with gloomy and overcast skies with rain in town.

 

I think my trauma from ending my engagement in May of this year, pushed me to chase after this girl up there. I didn't want to accept being dumped again. Lesson learned, the stuff you see in the movies is all fake. Looking back on it, I'm not going to say I was used persay, but she moved things quickly to help herself try and get over her ex for a short time. So she had her fun with me, had I said I'm ready for a relationship she most likely would have done the same thing to me regardless.

Edited November 4, 2018 by BMWN52

[Highndry]

She basically told you to get lost multiple times, yet you continued to contact her. That is stage 5 clinger behavior, but the most concerning thing here is that you spent a scant 2 weeks with a woman and are now making major life decisions based upon that exceptionally brief experience. I don't think you are in a position to be dating period as it seems like you have some extensive work to do on yourself first.

[mortensorchid]

SHe always has a reason or excuse as to why something CAN'T happen, but people who do want something to happen always have an excuse why it CAN happen. And she's not interested in you or being serious with you. The ex bf may or may not be true, but don't worry about it. Move on.

[basil67]

I'm not going to say I was used persay, but she moved things quickly to help herself try and get over her ex for a short time. So she had her fun with me, had I said I'm ready for a relationship she most likely would have done the same thing to me regardless.

 

Feel free to make her the bad guy here if it makes you feel better, but you're imagining outcomes which may never have happened. The only thing we know for sure is that she was interested in a relationship with you and you turned her down. So she backed off and eventually disappeared.

[BMWN52]

Feel free to make her the bad guy here if it makes you feel better, but you're imagining outcomes which may never have happened. The only thing we know for sure is that she was interested in a relationship with you and you turned her down. So she backed off and eventually disappeared.

 

So here's an update on this ordeal. She's in a new relationship with some other guy. So the ex at the time and I both sent her flowers, and she discarded both of us. So that means she's had 3 relationships within the span of year or less. More guys after.

 

I hate to seem obsessed or angry at this point. I think she has a history of playing games emotionally and dumping them at any sign of conflict. This new guy seems like a nice guy, a bit overweight which is funny to me. I'm military, slim and have a full head of hair, unlike this new guy. I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before she dumps him too.

[Kelliousme]

So here's an update on this ordeal. She's in a new relationship with some other guy. So the ex at the time and I both sent her flowers, and she discarded both of us. So that means she's had 3 relationships within the span of year or less. More guys after.

 

I hate to seem obsessed or angry at this point. I think she has a history of playing games emotionally and dumping them at any sign of conflict. This new guy seems like a nice guy, a bit overweight which is funny to me. I'm military, slim and have a full head of hair, unlike this new guy. I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before she dumps him too.

 

How do you know about all this? And having 3 relationships in a span of a year is not that big of a deal. It can just mean she hasn't found the "one" yet. Hell, nowadays people date 3 people at once until they become exclusive, find out their partner isn't that great, break up, and then continue to date and repeat until they find the "right one". At least she's not cheating or was in a relationship with more than 2 men at once.

 

Anyways, it seems to me you're really into her and you're bitter you missed the chance of being with her. Honestly, if you weren't ready.. then you weren't. And if a guy said that to me, I'd probably do what she did. It's better to move on and find another man than to wait around with a guy who's flirting but says he's not ready.

 

If the new guy is nice then maybe it's the person for her. Just because he's overweight.. so what? Overweight people don't deserve love? Just because you're better looking than him according to your opinion doesn't mean it stands the same for others. Perhaps she finds him more attractive. Perhaps she likes him and his personality. Let her be happy. As for you, just move on and don't make the same mistakes. Don't blame her for anything, she didn't do anything wrong.

[BMWN52]

How do you know about all this? And having 3 relationships in a span of a year is not that big of a deal. It can just mean she hasn't found the "one" yet. Hell, nowadays people date 3 people at once until they become exclusive, find out their partner isn't that great, break up, and then continue to date and repeat until they find the "right one". At least she's not cheating or was in a relationship with more than 2 men at once.

 

Anyways, it seems to me you're really into her and you're bitter you missed the chance of being with her. Honestly, if you weren't ready.. then you weren't. And if a guy said that to me, I'd probably do what she did. It's better to move on and find another man than to wait around with a guy who's flirting but says he's not ready.

 

If the new guy is nice then maybe it's the person for her. Just because he's overweight.. so what? Overweight people don't deserve love? Just because you're better looking than him according to your opinion doesn't mean it stands the same for others. Perhaps she finds him more attractive. Perhaps she likes him and his personality. Let her be happy. As for you, just move on and don't make the same mistakes. Don't blame her for anything, she didn't do anything wrong.

 

I agree with everything you said. I hate to be shallow, I guess he makes her happy. Ain't nothing wrong with being overweight. But to look at it from my perspective it boggles my mind. Apparently, he is in the same city that I am, so she's in an LDR which she wouldn't commit to me with. It wasn't like I used her for sex, hell at the time I didn't even have any other sexual partners. We talked every day, so It wasn't like I was playing games with her.

Edited November 26, 2018 by BMWN52