km Posted September 10, 2005 Posted September 10, 2005 Okay -- here's the pattern that plays out time and time again in my house. I know I can only change me, but I'm still obviously (after 20+ years!) thinking I can have an impact on his behavior, and I want to know what you would do to stop falling into this pattern: Husband has temper tantrum over something - doesn't matter what, you never really know it's comingHe directs that temper at me (never physically, but verbally or in attitude)I get mad that he directs it at me (I may or may not be the "cause" of the issue)I give attitude/temper BACK (this I learned from him - never HAD a temper, before him)I tell him why he was remiss in being mad at me in the first placeHe somehow manages to decide that he is in the right and begins to act 'holier than thou'He withholds conversation or affection, as if I need to be punishedI do the same, to punish himI eventually give in for the purpose of household harmony, and either apologize for losing MY temper, or just start being niceI hate us both: him for being the way he is, me for not handling it better and for giving in Stupid little play we put on, I know, but it seems IMPOSSIBLE to break out of when it's happening! WWYD (what would you do) to break out of this, if you were dumb enough to be one of the actors? They always say marriage shouldn't be about winning or losing but, when you're BLAMED for things that are not your fault, it's not really about winning -- it's just about not accepting misplaced blame.
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