JuneL Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I think that, in general, it’s not such a great idea to be with someone who’s making a lot less to the extent that you have to compromise your lifestyle or that you’ll feel resentful about covering for her/his expenses. OP: Since you’re asking this question, I’m concerned that you might feel resentful down the road if he doesn’t at least start to split the utility bills with you.
kendahke Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 I think if the facts were the same but the genders reversed, and the guy asked gal to help pay utilities, we'd be hearing the same squawking about what a cad the guy is for asking her for money... especially given that he's getting sex. Well, let's wait for someone to post something like that and see... but this post is about what this guy is doing, not role reversals.
Gaeta Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 (edited) No_go: I agree with you. OP said that her boyfriend has a 'limited' income so I interpreted it as he has the basic to live with. I don't know how much more her utilities will go up with 1 extra person. I know my bill went up 10 bucks a month. I am not chasing him down for 10 bucks a month in the name of cost sharing. Groceries is understandable. As for her house maintenance and municipal taxes...well it's her property and she'll cash 100% of the profit when she sells. The sharing of cost wouldn't be my biggest worry if I were her. My biggest worry would be him giving up on his address and moving in with her after a short time. In some places after living together for 1 year you have to put each other on your income taxes and she wouldn't be able to kick him out that easily if things go wrong, after all they've only been dating under 7 months, he is a foreigner and probably knows none of his family, has not visited his country, and for all she knows he might be married in his country. Edited October 19, 2018 by Gaeta 1
salparadise Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 What no one seems to be considering is that a hefty chunk of his pay already goes toward his apartment and utilities, as part of his package/contract. These expenses are not optional. OP said in the first post that he is not flush with cash. If I were in his shoes and she asked for half of the utilities, I'd say, well, I'm already paying for utilities at my place, and if you see it as an issue then I will sleep at my place half of the time and you can join me there if you like. Of course, this makes no sense in the actual tally. It's all about the perception that he's getting by too easy. He's not saving anything by staying at her place... but he could certainly rectify this erroneous perception by only staying occasionally. I think this is nothing more or less than the attitude that if a woman is having sex with a guy, there should be financial benefits attached.
No_Go Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 Ha different people interpret limited differently. Could be that he just doesn’t have as much as her. But yeah chasing down for 10 bucks is kind of petty. For the mortgage, it is indeed weird territory. I’d not charge rent if we move in together (ha, for my ex I was planning to, which has to say the state of the RL ) They’re not living together legally to my understanding, so he can’t get any legal rights over her house. He legally has a place to live. I agree it’s way too early to move in (registered partnership or de facto RL, whatever the laws are) in under an year of dating and not knowing his family etc. No_go: I agree with you. OP said that her boyfriend has a 'limited' income so I interpreted it as he has the basic to live with. I don't know how much more her utilities will go up with 1 extra person. I know my bill went up 10 bucks a month. I am not chasing him down for 10 bucks a month in the name of cost sharing. Groceries is understandable. As for her house maintenance and municipal taxes...well it's her property and she'll cash 100% of the profit when she sells. The sharing of cost wouldn't be my biggest worry if I were her. My biggest worry would be him giving up on his address and moving in with her after a short time. In some places after living together for 1 year you have to put each other on your income taxes and she wouldn't be able to kick him out that easily if things go wrong, after all they've only been dating under 7 months, he is a foreigner and probably knows none of his family, has not visited his country, and for all she knows he might be married in his country.
Dis Posted October 21, 2018 Posted October 21, 2018 (edited) Why so defensive, rennie? Not all comments you're going to get on a forum are going to be positive But others have been kind Try not to give such an attitude to the people who you asked for advice Edited October 21, 2018 by Disillusionment373 2
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