Emppp Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I’ve been dating with a guy over 8 months now( Some months I was away also he was away in the summer so we actually have been seeing 3, 4 months) we are dating exclusively from start. I think we had same intention in the beginning as we said each other we both not gonna play game and don’t want make each other hurt. All summer(3months) we haven’t seen each other but we kept in touch and he even told me that he’d like to move in together when he back. In the end we didn’t tho. But he got distant when he back and I got very insecure and I tried to leave as I was very afraid to get hurt. But he convinced me so didn’t leave him in the end. Long story short, I brought up “ where are we” talk twice last 2 months. I told him last week that I can’t see this is going to any further. So if he is not sure about me he will be not sure forever so we should end up. The answer was he doesn’t want to rush. Cause he got hurt so much past relationships (he had really big trouble with ex) and he got into relationship quickly in the past and all of them failed so he wants to take it slow. Also he is going away for 4 months
smackie9 Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 You know he's sleeping with other women while he gone right? I wouldn't take his word for anything. You know you can do better than this. Look I know he may seen like a great guy, you enjoy your time with him, but what are you truly getting out of this? Not a hell of a lot. You have been at this for 8 months, and where you are at is ridiculous. I hope you take my advice and find yourself someone who will be the ideal partner that wants a future with you. As of now you got jack S&*^ and he's still blowing smoke up your butt to keep you in his orbit. 1
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 And what is his definition of 'take it slow'? The scenario in his head is what? another 4 months? 8 months? 2 years? What is your scenario? How long are you willing to wait for him? What do you want and is that want fulfilled? In my book 3-4 months is plenty for a man to decide if he wants to 'date' me as his girlfriend. If he needs more than that it's because he has unsolved issues. Maybe 1% of men wanting to take it slow don't have issues but I am not willing to wait around any further just to figure out if he's part of the 1% right, or the 99% wrong. Decide what is your personal rule and follow it. 1
PRW Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 In my book 3-4 months is plenty for a man to decide if he wants to 'date' me as his girlfriend. If he needs more than that it's because he has unsolved issues. I agree. I usually say 2 months to "exclusivity", but if it hasn't taken root in 3-4 months something is up. 1
Author Emppp Posted October 18, 2018 Author Posted October 18, 2018 Sorry I left in the middle. What I am wondering is I can see he cares about me. I can see he quite committed to me. But he still doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t understand what’s the difference between exclusive and relationship. I also can understand why he is so afraid to be in relationship cause of past relationship but at the same time I feel tired and stressed to wonder every night if this is gonna work or not... Should I leave him?? I don’t know if he is really mean or he is just using me...
Author Emppp Posted October 18, 2018 Author Posted October 18, 2018 You know he's sleeping with other women while he gone right? I wouldn't take his word for anything. You know you can do better than this. Look I know he may seen like a great guy, you enjoy your time with him, but what are you truly getting out of this? Not a hell of a lot. You have been at this for 8 months, and where you are at is ridiculous. I hope you take my advice and find yourself someone who will be the ideal partner that wants a future with you. As of now you got jack S&*^ and he's still blowing smoke up your butt to keep you in his orbit. I am not sure if he is sleeping around while he is away. I trusted him about it. But yeah you are right. I’ve been doing this 8 months and now I am so stressed about it. I should be stronger to cut it off... Thank you for your advice. I am really appreciate it! 1
stillafool Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Sorry I left in the middle. What I am wondering is I can see he cares about me. I can see he quite committed to me. But he still doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t understand what’s the difference between exclusive and relationship. I also can understand why he is so afraid to be in relationship cause of past relationship but at the same time I feel tired and stressed to wonder every night if this is gonna work or not... Should I leave him?? I don’t know if he is really mean or he is just using me... No, he isn't using you anymore than you are using him. You both enjoy each other's company and the sex. Fair exchange is not robbery. He doesn't want to commit because he may meet the girl he really wants to date and settle down with and wants to be uncoupled so he can date her. After 8 months he should know if you are that girl or not. He doesn't want to commit to you, you want commitment. It is time to go.
Author Emppp Posted October 18, 2018 Author Posted October 18, 2018 No, he isn't using you anymore than you are using him. You both enjoy each other's company and the sex. Fair exchange is not robbery. He doesn't want to commit because he may meet the girl he really wants to date and settle down with and wants to be uncoupled so he can date her. After 8 months he should know if you are that girl or not. He doesn't want to commit to you, you want commitment. It is time to go. Right... it’s so hurt to read this but I think in my head I knew it. Cause he constantly talk about “if we didn’t work...” It’s time to leave... you are right. I have to be stronger... Thank you for your advice! 1
PRW Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 SI don’t understand what’s the difference between exclusive and relationship. To me they are the same thing. If someone makes it more complex than that, then they are playing "word games". Step #1 = Casual dating, not Boyfriend/Girlfriend, free to date others, not a "relationship" Step #2 = Exclusivity, now are Boyfriend/Girlfriend, not free to date others, this IS a "relationship" I also can understand why he is so afraid to be in relationship cause of past relationship but at the same time I feel tired and stressed to wonder every night if this is gonna work or not... The whole "past relationships" is usually just BS. An excuse. If someone is currently in a "relationship" and finds someone else they want bad enough, they will just dump the old one and immediately dive right in with the new one. Things would be a lot better if people would just forget the BS excuses and just say, "Yes, I want to be exclusive now",...OR,..."No, I don't want to be exclusive right now",...simple to figure out. Should I leave him?? I don’t know if he is really mean or he is just using me...I can't really tell you want to do there. You have to decide that for yourself.
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Right... it’s so hurt to read this but I think in my head I knew it. Cause he constantly talk about “if we didn’t work...” It’s time to leave... you are right. I have to be stronger... Thank you for your advice! I have given a full year to a man like this. It was hard to end it because of all the 'what if' but it turned out to be the best decision. If I had not, I would have never met my current bf who's giving the type of relationship I always wanted.
Author Emppp Posted October 18, 2018 Author Posted October 18, 2018 To me they are the same thing. If someone makes it more complex than that, then they are playing "word games". Step #1 = Casual dating, not Boyfriend/Girlfriend, free to date others, not a "relationship" Step #2 = Exclusivity, now are Boyfriend/Girlfriend, not free to date others, this IS a "relationship" The whole "past relationships" is usually just BS. An excuse. If someone is currently in a "relationship" and finds someone else they want bad enough, they will just dump the old one and immediately dive right in with the new one. Things would be a lot better if people would just forget the BS excuses and just say, "Yes, I want to be exclusive now",...OR,..."No, I don't want to be exclusive right now",...simple to figure out. I can't really tell you want to do there. You have to decide that for yourself. Thank you for your advice! I thought the same. Being exclusive is a “relationship “ But according to him, it’s different. He kept saying we are not gf/bf. What makes me confused is He shows his effort to me and committed. What we do is totally the same as gf/bf... Yeah I have to decide what I will do by myself. Which is hard but I will try what’s the best for me! Not for him! Again thank you for your advice! 2
Author Emppp Posted October 18, 2018 Author Posted October 18, 2018 I have given a full year to a man like this. It was hard to end it because of all the 'what if' but it turned out to be the best decision. If I had not, I would have never met my current bf who's giving the type of relationship I always wanted. Yeah I’ve been thinking “what if”... and passed 8 months already. It’s so hard to end it especially if he stops. I tried to end few times but every time he stopped me and I just back to him. It’s becaue I am still having a little hope. But I probably should be stronger like you. I am glad that now you have what you wanted! Thank you for your advice! 1
ElKay Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I'm currently with someone like that where we're exclusive but not bf/gf yet. Then again, we've only dated for under 2 and a half months. If I'm in this situation in 2 months, I'm going to seriously question him and his intentions. What age range is your guy in?
Author Emppp Posted October 19, 2018 Author Posted October 19, 2018 I'm currently with someone like that where we're exclusive but not bf/gf yet. Then again, we've only dated for under 2 and a half months. If I'm in this situation in 2 months, I'm going to seriously question him and his intentions. What age range is your guy in? We both 28 years old. And he is still student.
kendahke Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 Sorry I left in the middle. What I am wondering is I can see he cares about me. I can see he quite committed to me. But he still doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t understand what’s the difference between exclusive and relationship. He is only committed to easy access to convenient sex. Look, we've all been hurt---does he give up his friendships with his boys because one or two of them in the past stabbed him in the back? I'll bet dollars to donuts the answer is no, so that's no good excuse. You aren't his ex's and how you act isn't how they act, so again, weak sauce excuse. I also can understand why he is so afraid to be in relationship cause of past relationship but at the same time I feel tired and stressed to wonder every night if this is gonna work or not... I’ve been dating with a guy over 8 months now we are dating exclusively from start. Stop stressing over this. It's not going to work out because he doesn't want it to. A man who wants something acts like it. Should I leave him?? I don’t know if he is really mean or he is just using me... You've given him more than enough time. It's time to cut him loose and set him adrift. He's not the one for you.
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