Hope4thefuture Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Hi everyone. I have my story on another thread, but here is the short version. I dated my ex for almost 4 years. He wanted a break, which turned into a break up eventually. I didn’t want to break up, but he kept me in limbo wanting time to think about us and our future. I told him I wanted to be with him, but I needed to move on. I started dating a new guy pretty quickly. It was about 2 weeks later. I know super fast. He is completely the opposite of my ex. He is such a great guy...very thoughtful, honest about his feelings, wants to spend time together. He seems like the perfect guy. The problem is I sometimes still think about my ex. My ex recently started texting me again. Just small talk, sometimes telling me he is thinking of me. We have tried to remain friends, but I am not sure that is working. He recently found out I am dating someone. He wants to unfriend me on social media. He seems like he is throwing this all back at me. Saying that all he needed was time and he saw us together but wanted to be sure. The new guy and I have been dating for 7 weeks and he told me recently that he has a STD. We have not slept together. I am very nervous moving forward. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person. He has said all the right things. He will go as slow as I want, he will go to therapy with me, he will answer any question I have. I am just not sure what I should do. I don’t think I am over my ex. He isn’t going to change, but a small part of me misses him a lot. I also really like this new guy, but I am afraid to move forward with him. So confused! Any help is greatly appreciated!
FMW Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 My thoughts - You moved on too quick from your ex. This new guy was just a bandaid for a wound that needs to heal. Not a great start for a new relationship. And if you have any doubts about your feelings for the new guy, and with having feelings still for your ex, I would not get sexually involved with the new guy, especially knowing he has an STD. Why risk it when you don't even know how you feel about him? Be honest with the new guy, tell him you're not over your ex, you don't have to reference the STD issue with him in this case.
Simple Logic Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 2 issues and they are separate. Decide if the STD makes the new guy unacceptable damaged goods before deciding how to proceed with your damage. Rejecting him for the STD does not make you a bad person.
BC1980 Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I would immediately cut off contact with your ex because he wasn't serious for 3 years. He's not suddenly going to be serious. He's just jealous of you. This guy strung you along for months until you finally had enough. He hasn't changed in a few months. The new guy. . . . considering therapy after only 7 weeks isn't good. What would the therapy be for? There's no way you could be over your ex yet, but sometimes new relationships can work. But if you haven't closed the door completely on your past, this won't work. I think you should have taken time to get over your ex before dating someone. That was my initial reaction on your other thread, but it's hard to say don't take a chance. One of the benefits of taking some time after a relationship is that you get to figure out how to cut off contact completely. Right now, you're dancing in between two worlds.
Author Hope4thefuture Posted October 19, 2018 Author Posted October 19, 2018 I would immediately cut off contact with your ex because he wasn't serious for 3 years. He's not suddenly going to be serious. He's just jealous of you. This guy strung you along for months until you finally had enough. He hasn't changed in a few months. The new guy. . . . considering therapy after only 7 weeks isn't good. What would the therapy be for? There's no way you could be over your ex yet, but sometimes new relationships can work. But if you haven't closed the door completely on your past, this won't work. I think you should have taken time to get over your ex before dating someone. That was my initial reaction on your other thread, but it's hard to say don't take a chance. One of the benefits of taking some time after a relationship is that you get to figure out how to cut off contact completely. Right now, you're dancing in between two worlds. The therapy would be for the new guy and I to talk about the concerns I have with the STD. He was the one who suggested it. I am not sure I would even do it, but I did appreciate the fact that he thought it would be helpful. He is a very considerate person. I know I moved too fast into this new relationship, and I did give the new guy a heads up about it. However he still wanted to go on a date. Maybe because we both didn’t have any investment at that point. However I need to talk to him about where I am at right now. He deserves that from me, and who knows maybe this will still lead somewhere. The only way it will is with open communication and honesty. I do not want to go back to my ex. I know I deserve better now. I just need to let him go. So I hope this conversation goes ok. Fingers crossed.
Author Hope4thefuture Posted October 19, 2018 Author Posted October 19, 2018 Well the new guy and I talked. It went better than expected. I told him I want to take things slow. I told him my ex had been texting me and I have texted back. I told him that it was a fast move from my ex to dating him. He seemed to understand and still wants to move forward no matter how long we take. I am just so glad I was honest with him.
BC1980 Posted October 19, 2018 Posted October 19, 2018 It's good that you were honest with him. Are you planning on cutting off contact with your ex?
Author Hope4thefuture Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 It's good that you were honest with him. Are you planning on cutting off contact with your ex? My ex cut off communication today so I guess that is the end of that.
BC1980 Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 My ex cut off communication today so I guess that is the end of that. I know that's hard to process. It's a necessary step, but it stings and takes some time to come to terms with. Logically, you know what you have to do, but your heart takes some time to catch up.
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