My life is a mess: Wife and relative Vegas Story

[Disappointed wife]

Geez, I know I said I was done but one more attempt...you have to see how manipulative you are when you read this back. You object to him tell his story but think it's ok to tell yours then attempt to implement the results. No, you want to control his narrative, you want to control information period. So I'm sure you were able to convey his thoughts and feelings to the therapist to the point that she suggests divorce in her professional capacity? But he can't come to a bunch of strangers and vent without you controlling information.

 

Ok that was my last contribution

 

That's fine that you think that. I am not manipulative! You asked for my opinion and I gave it. My therapist also suggested a divorce because there is physical abuse involved and she is concerned about my safety. But I'm sure you'll see that as manipulative on my part as well! Like I said it doesn't matter because you are a stranger!

[Whatthehellhappened]

. My therapist also suggested a divorce because there is physical abuse involved and she is concerned about my safety!

 

Yes there is, it still counts if a woman tries to hit a man because she "feels verbally threatened or intimidated" A PERSONAL therapist might not get that info correctly though.

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Disappointed wife]

. My therapist also suggested a divorce because there is physical abuse involved and she is concerned about my safety!

 

Yes there is, it still counts if a woman tries to hit a man because she "feels verbally threatened or intimidated" A PERSONAL therapist might not get that info correctly though.

 

Maybe I should post a picture of you holding me hostage in my own home?

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Whatthehellhappened]

 

Maybe I should post a picture of you holding me hostage in my own home?

 

Ok..........

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[doyathinkso]

If you go to therapy for long enough they can get to know you. They can also give you constructive tips to help repair your marriage if both parties are willing to do the work.

 

 

 

 

As seen from your side and your side alone. AND if you are being untruthful or partially truthful then their entire analysis is pure rubbish.

[doyathinkso]

It is far far better for children to HAVE COME from a broken home than to have to LIVE IN that broken home.

[L0nely]

My therapist also suggested a divorce because there is physical abuse involved and she is concerned about my safety.

 

 

I usually don't suggest divorce but in this case, I draw my line at physical abuse. That is an absolute no-no in any relationship.

[loversquarrel]

All very well these tit for tat suggestions, but as there is already trouble in the marriage then making more "trouble" is not in anyone's best interests.

 

That is the road to divorce.

She already thinks he is cheating so that may be the last straw.

She is 39 not 89, so I guess she wants to spread her wings a little.

She originally wanted to go with the OP to Vegas and that would really have been the best solution here, that would have allayed his fears and brought them together.

 

He is scared he is losing her, hence the anger.

 

Did he not say money was the issue as to why they didn't go to Vegas? Seems to me people forget money is often times a HUGE contributor to divorce.

 

He is free to "spread his wings" just as much as she is, if it results in a divorce then so be it. If she can't handle him doing what she has done then they should be divorced, there is no equality otherwise.

[loversquarrel]

I have to admit I just read the entire thread and.....wow...just wow....you two are in dire need of intervention and therapy.

 

@disapointed wife, I have much experience in dealing with domestic violence and victims of abuse. I'm sorry but you certainly aren't behaving like a victim of spousal abuse. I wonder about your children though...you both should be reported if this is how you behave at home.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I just don't get it. Why are the OP and his wife continuing to live together in a marriage which is as dead as a dodo? To me it is just mind boggling. Why inflict such pain on oneself and another in a two way relationship if it is spiraling out of control? Just leave and go your separate ways and live happy lives while co-parenting your kids in an amicable atmosphere. Sounds like a cosmic puzzle to me!

[JS84]

I don't really see OP leaping to take responsibility for the problems in their marriage beyond some vague generalities about being blind and a bad husband, etc. Everything else is his wife's fault according to him. And if his behavior is anything like his wife claims, and I don't see him denying it, then it's been an unhealthy relationship from the start and a damaging environment for their children (one of which it sounds like is afraid of him).

 

He also didn't bother addressing what she claims were her attempts to work on the marriage (counseling), asking him for over a decade to go to Vegas, accusing her of cheating for over a decade also, etc.

 

There's no smoking gun of any type of cheating on the wife's part during her trip to Vegas. The only thing I thought that was kind of shady was that male/female contact thing. People on the up and up don't do that.

 

Anyway they've made it clear that they intend on staying in this marriage despite the fact even they realize it's beyond dysfunctional. It also sounds like the OP could benefit from therapy himself even if they don't bother with marriage counseling together.

 

I'm curious what the reasons are for keeping this union going but I understand you don't feel comfortable telling us. I'm assuming it's for the kids but just remember they're watching and absorbing.

[Robert]

Thread closed, while LoveShack is a place for people to come vent/ get advice for their troubles they cannot use this forum to fight it out.

 

 

If the thread starter would like this thread re-opened then alert on my post and ask.. you will have to have an appropriate response as your spouse is also posting here and we would like this thread to not turn into a fight between you both and be used to get advice.

 

 

 

Thanks