MaleIntuition Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Aaaand here we go again with the assumptions. Has he explicitly stated that he is only interested in a casual relationship? Doesn’t most relationship these days start off as casual dating? They live 1 hour apart, both have kids and professional lives. Being somewhat pragmatic when it comes to planning sounds like a necessity. And unless they are having some quality time at the bathroom in the lunch restaurant, it sounds like he perhaps has more than one interest? No?
Mrs._December Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 I wish I could, but honestly it’s just not that easy. I haven’t met anyone I’d like to see other than him. Never a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket so early in the process. That's how you set yourself up for lots of disappointment due to unmet expectations.
stillafool Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 It’s yucky because although she said she wanted casual sex, what she really wants from this man is a relationship. So, when you want a relationship and all you are getting is casual sex, and to be used as a place to sleepover that is close to work, that must feel pretty yucky... Then wouldn't it be up to the woman not to lie and say she wants casual when she actually is looking for a relationship? Men are not mind readers and I'm sure if women were to tell the truth that they want a relationship a lot of men would pass on them and look for a woman with the same mindset as them. It is not fair to say you want one thing expecting something else and then getting upset when it doesn't happen. Also it is up to women to set boundaries. If she knows she wants a relationship but accepts a man staying over for convenience and casual sex, who's fault is that?
Author Lexxi Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 We have never had the conversation of what we wanted. I never told him I wanted casual and he has never told me. I just said that in the beginning, this was what I was expecting. I’ve had dates before where I had those expectations and it worked well as my feelings never got involved. With this guy, it’s different. And why is it that he’s automatically using me during the weekday sleepovers? He’s done it only twice and that’s because he had the meetings near me and we wanted to see each other so I extended the offer for him to stay the night. It’s not like he came over at 11pm, had sex with me and went his way in the morning. He would come right after work, take me to dinner, brought dessert, we actually had meaningful conversation and didn’t just jump in the sack. I have slept over at his house as well. He has taken me to nice restaurants, we can just sit and watch TV without him groping me, yesterday he took me to lunch without any expectations of a quick screw or a bj in his truck. Maybe we started off “yucky” at first but I don’t see it as that way now. Yes, his communication skills are quite different than mine, but one month in I can only expect very little at this stage I guess. Like I said before, I don’t don’t much about dating cause it’s been a while. I have been seen guys casually before so I never overanalyzed or cares much. So I understand I’m coming off naive, insecure, perhaps fast... it’s a learning experience. 1
Kellens Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Lexxi, I don't think you're that insecure, but you're "dating" someone whose communication style doesn't match yours. Don't let anyone make you feel needy or insecure because you aren't getting what you want. The issue is that that you don't seem compatible with him or (most likely) he's just using you for sex. In my experience, whenever a guy was communicating sparsely, especially after sex, he isn't interested. I know it's hard in the moment to see this for what it really is, especially because of your past, but maybe step away from it for a few days (no communication) You will feel much better not waiting for him to text you back, it's a freeing kind of feeling. Perhaps you'll gain some perspective on what you really want and deserve. You seem like a sweet person, don't let someone take advantage of you because you're in a vulnerable place. There are guys out there who will make you feel good about yourself, don't waste time on this!
stillafool Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 We have never had the conversation of what we wanted. I never told him I wanted casual and he has never told me. I just said that in the beginning, this was what I was expecting. I’ve had dates before where I had those expectations and it worked well as my feelings never got involved. With this guy, it’s different. And why is it that he’s automatically using me during the weekday sleepovers? He’s done it only twice and that’s because he had the meetings near me and we wanted to see each other so I extended the offer for him to stay the night. It’s not like he came over at 11pm, had sex with me and went his way in the morning. He would come right after work, take me to dinner, brought dessert, we actually had meaningful conversation and didn’t just jump in the sack. I have slept over at his house as well. He has taken me to nice restaurants, we can just sit and watch TV without him groping me, yesterday he took me to lunch without any expectations of a quick screw or a bj in his truck. Maybe we started off “yucky” at first but I don’t see it as that way now. Yes, his communication skills are quite different than mine, but one month in I can only expect very little at this stage I guess. Like I said before, I don’t don’t much about dating cause it’s been a while. I have been seen guys casually before so I never overanalyzed or cares much. So I understand I’m coming off naive, insecure, perhaps fast... it’s a learning experience. I don't think you're naive at all. If you really feel about him the way you describe above why do you need this thread about "the talk" if you feel so comfortable with him? 1
Dis Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 I don't think about about communication preferences or differences He just doesn't seem all that interested. If OP took sex off the table, I think she'd hear crickets for the inevitable future I also don't think it's about the newness of the relationship either, in terms of why he isn't communicating much. Men that are really into a woman like to reach out especially in the early stages because of all the excitement and feelings developing It's actually kind atypical to not hear from someone much when at the one month mark...unless they're not too interested
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