Normm Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 You could always simply ask him what time you should expect him tomorrow night, as you have a couple errands to run first, or something to that effect. I like this one the best. Even better than mine. I mean, you had plans, so there's nothing wrong with asking for a clarification on the time.
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Confirm the plans. A quick text: Just confirming that we're on for tomorrow {doing whatever the plan was}
BaileyB Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 You could always simply ask him what time you should expect him tomorrow night, as you have a couple errands to run first, or something to that effect. See how he responds. I don't know if he's fading, but he doesn't appear to be overly enthusiastic either. This is the winner. Don't tell him that you are looking forward to seeing him. Don't make any suggestions. Just wait, and see how he responds. Judge his interest based on his response, or lack there of. I agree, he doesn't seem particularly enthusiastic. He seems to be putting in the minimal amount of effort to keep the sex going for a while longer... 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 The thread of advice is excellent! You can ask to confirm and then chill ... triply chill. That note from him was kinda cold ... You spent the night and depending on the relationship, you'd want a bit more enthusiasm than what he displayed in his text. If you guys are FWB, however, then the context changes. I assume you want a real relationship with him, not just FWB. So in my view, this is a key moment in a relationship and a challenging one. You have (I assume) a great time with someone ... and then they seem cold afterwards. Your hopeful brain will want to minimize the distance in the message. Here's my tip: don't! Don't ignore that coldness in the message as painful as it might be to imagine that he isn't feeling what you're feeling. Reaching out for confirmation without sprinkling any additional enthusiasm or desire is just the right way to go ... And if he doesn't respond, don't take any more initiative. Good luck.
preraph Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 I mean, he made plans. You just saw him Sunday. Only one day has passed. I don't see why the panic mode. I think you need to chill. Very insecure. Not everyone will text like a lovesick teenager and neither should you. I mean, let's say worst-case scenario, he has decided to blow you off but just hasn't told you, how is questioning him to reconfirm what he already said was a plan going to change anything? If anything, he will be thinking, This girl is too hungry. I mean, the day of, it's fine to ask what time you're getting together (not IF as it was already planned). If you really want to know what a guy is like, you stop prodding them and just see what they'll do when it's left to just them and their ethics and that way you find out if they're responsible people or not. A responsible person won't just stand you up. They might cancel, but they won't stand you up. You want to know that about them. If you monitor them and prod them, you're only finding out what they're like if you were their mother.... 3
Author Lexxi Posted October 23, 2018 Author Posted October 23, 2018 Thank you all for the replies. I did text him and he responded immediately saying he was going to know more about his schedule this afternoon and let me know. He lives far so he plans his visits when he’s working closer to my office, so he was waiting to hear back about his work schedule. Then mentioned either way, he plans on making it work to see me. I understand that I am very insecure, yes. This stems from my failed marriage- ex husband cheated and lied me and the kids about being gone for extended periods of time while he was out doing his thing. And this is the first guy I’ve actually genuinely liked since my divorce. So I don’t know how to act, I don’t know how I’ll come across if I do certain things. I know it’s a learning experience and that’s why I’m very eager, yet cautious because I’m not sure how my actions will be perceived. Thank you again.
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Take some of the emotion out of it. If you had a doctor's appointment, the office would call to confirm the day before. Scheduling a date is no different. just nail down the time & place like any other non emotional business transaction
Normm Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 Just don't do what my sister does. She's almost 60, post divorce about 10 years, a recent failed long term relationship, she's been dating for 2 years and she's getting almost desperate. When she finds a guy she likes she comes on way too strong. She'll text dozens of times per day, hold the guy to a 10 minute time frame of when he promised to be there, and get annoyed and snippy if he's late or cancels or doesn't get back to her promptly. She's lost several good prospects this way, she knows it, and yet she can't stop herself from doing it. She acts like a high school teenager who is just starting to date for the first time.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 I understand that I am very insecure, yes. This stems from my failed marriage- ex husband cheated and lied me and the kids about being gone for extended periods of time while he was out doing his thing. And this is the first guy I’ve actually genuinely liked since my divorce. So I don’t know how to act, I don’t know how I’ll come across if I do certain things. I know it’s a learning experience and that’s why I’m very eager, yet cautious because I’m not sure how my actions will be perceived. Thank you again. Just to be clear: him not texting you afterwards or following up ... noticing his silence is NOT any insecurity talking. The most confident people on the planet would come away feeling a little unsure after someone goes silent--if they like that someone and just spent great time with them ... and haven't heard from the person about a followup date. Confident people would feel exactly what you're feeling! The difference is that confident people would be fully OK with their discomfort with this guy's silence, and they wouldn't worry about whether demanding earlier notification would alienate the other person. You wanna be confident, then if he proposes a meeting make sure it fits with YOUR agenda. If you feel he contacts you way too late, don't say yes. Don't go. But let's say the date happens tomorrow, having confidence means that if this guy repeats this distance-afterwards behavior you confront him about it--directly! And/or ... you drop him. Your goal is to find a guy who treats you like you want to be treated. 1
alphamale Posted October 23, 2018 Posted October 23, 2018 So I don’t know how to act, I don’t know how I’ll come across if I do certain things. I know it’s a learning experience and that’s why I’m very eager, yet cautious because I’m not sure how my actions will be perceived. Thank you again. you can post issues here as they arise. that's what the LS community is about
Redhead14 Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 I really appreciate it. I will certainly slow things down and plan on backing off. I just stupidly began to believe he might actually enjoy spending time with me, since we have spent the time we have without our kids, with each other, and he is now wanting to spend all of next weekend with me when he has the option of spending it elsewhere with someone else. But at the same time, he is still on the dating app while he is away, and to me, if he was interested, if he had to time this weekend to log in at 3 different locations so far, he would’ve had the time to just shoot me a quick text- just to say hi, or even shoot a photo of the ocean, etc. Clearly this means I don’t meet his standards and he’s still looking for better, correct? You're kind of expecting to act like a boyfriend already, although, I do agree that a quick text would be a nice sign. However, he is going to spend the weekend with you. Weekend:quick text while on vacation, which is "better/bigger"? I just stupidly began to believe he might actually enjoy spending time with me, - Maybe he does, but you don't have to do it so fast and for so much time i.e. a whole weekend. There is a saying that applies very early in a dating scenario -- "Always leave 'em wanting more".
dancingintherain12 Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 So... what happened, did he see you? Love the advice on this thread but why is it that so many people on this forum so damn pessimistic? Geez, it’s like everyone hears one little problem and they say DUMP HIM. I like Male intuitions advice a lot actually.
Author Lexxi Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 So... what happened, did he see you? Love the advice on this thread but why is it that so many people on this forum so damn pessimistic? Geez, it’s like everyone hears one little problem and they say DUMP HIM. I like Male intuitions advice a lot actually. Well, today was the day he was supposed to come over after work. I mentioned he was going to let me know in the afternoon but he did not text me until last night saying his meetings in my city were today. FYI- he usually schedules these on Thursday so he can stay with me Wednesday nights and just drive a short distance to the meetings- he lives about 50 miles away. So with the schedule and distance, it’s not going to work out. I guess a positive is that he said he still wants to see me and asked me to have lunch before he leaves.
Normm Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 If I was in your position I'd be continuing to date others and not focus on him as much as you are doing. 1
Author Lexxi Posted October 24, 2018 Author Posted October 24, 2018 If I was in your position I'd be continuing to date others and not focus on him as much as you are doing. I wish I could, but honestly it’s just not that easy. I haven’t met anyone I’d like to see other than him. I’ve tried talking to others on the dating app but the conversations are short lived.
stillafool Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 It seems a convenience for him to have somewhere to sleep over on Wednesday so he can be fresh for his Thursday meetings with the long drive. Just don't let yourself be used. 1
Dis Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 (edited) You don't know a thing about him other than he's treating a casual fling like a casual fling. What exactly is "yucky" about him? Going to woman's house who he's never met before and having sex with her with little follow up or interest is.... yucky From your replies to the woman on this thread, you sound jaded, Collin Edited October 24, 2018 by Disillusionment373 2
alphamale Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 Going to woman's house who he's never met before and having sex with her with little follow up or interest is.... yucky from a mans point of view he's hit the mother lode 2
Dis Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 from a mans point of view he's hit the mother lode Exactly Easy peasy no strings attached sex A dream for a guy who doesn't care A nightmare for a woman who does 3
TheFinalWord Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 Yes, I have reached out to him as well- As a matter of fact, after he left my house Thursday and had to make the long drive home, I did reach out and ask if he made it home ok. He replied saying he did, and thanked me for the wonderful time and he can’t wait to see me again. I haven’t reached out since then because I know he’s out of town with his kids, but evidently he still has time to check his dating app. I recently went out with a girl from a dating app. We both noticed that we had not logged on in days, but the app showed us online and active. I think the sites sometimes do this to give new people that sign up the hope that they can contact a person (sometimes people sign up just based on one person they like).
TheFinalWord Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 I think everyone here puts far too much emphasis on sex. In my experience I can be head over heels madly in love with a guy even though sex didn't happen until much later in the relationship. Or I could have sex early on and still not really desire a relationship with the guy. I do think you're reading too much into whether or not he has texted and how often his phone lights up or how often he checks the dating app. Maybe he is checking on you too. How often to you think he should text? In my experience the frequency of texts does not correlate to the interest level or the likelihood that the relationship will progress. I do think it correlates in that too much texting early on almost always means high interest, but eventually someone is going to feel smothered and back out. 1
olivetree Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Question, are you always available to see him at his convenience? It kind of sounds like he wanted a close place to stay before his meeting. I wonder how often you'd see each other if you stopped the sleep overs. Maybe you should find out. 3
stillafool Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Question, are you always available to see him at his convenience? It kind of sounds like he wanted a close place to stay before his meeting. I wonder how often you'd see each other if you stopped the sleep overs. Maybe you should find out. I hate to say it but I'm feeling the same way about these sleepovers.
stillafool Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Going to woman's house who he's never met before and having sex with her with little follow up or interest is.... yucky How is this yucky when the woman wanted casual as well and wanted the sex as much as he did? These are both grown people so why should the woman be treated with kid gloves?
BaileyB Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 How is this yucky when the woman wanted casual as well and wanted the sex as much as he did? These are both grown people so why should the woman be treated with kid gloves? It’s yucky because although she said she wanted casual sex, what she really wants from this man is a relationship. So, when you want a relationship and all you are getting is casual sex, and to be used as a place to sleepover that is close to work, that must feel pretty yucky... 1
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