Katecopeland Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 40, we met in June and have been bf/gf since August. He has said that he wants to eventually marry me/have a family multiple times. Honestly, I don't doubt that he loves me and wants to be with me. Unfortunately I overlooked several red flags early on, and they've only gotten worse. He has a habit of making insensitive and frankly disrespectful comments, behavior and the worst part is he sees it as completely harmless and part of his personality. These include BLATANTLY checking out/staring at hot women when we are together, going so far as to make comments about women's breasts in particular, and his affinity strip clubs and Playboy. Honestly, he is less mature than my 18 year old brother in more ways than one. The other issue is that I'm completely flat chested, obviously already extremely insecure about this, and his comments and behavior only exacerbate the issues. I've mentioned how it bothers me multiple times, but considering he is 40, has never been married or in more than a 1.5 year relationship, he is pretty set in his personality, habits and behavior and does not see a problem with it since he has a huge social circle and is very likable. I don't want to continually put myself in a relationship that adds to the awful feelings and undermines my self confidence in such a significant way. I can honestly say I've never felt more physically inadequate with a bf. I just want to hear some perspectives from men and women who may have dealt with this in the past. I realize people in monogamous relationships don't *magically* stop being attracted to ANYONE else, but I also know there are plenty of men that are *not* compelled to behave this way, as I grew up with plenty of them. At this point I kinda want to say "if big boobs are such an important factor to you, feel free to buy me some, but otherwise I am not going to sit around feeling like **** while having to hear about how fantastic they are." thoughts?
Garcon1986 Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Welcome to LS! I think you are right on the money with your assessment of his focus on physical looks. I think that if somebody that old, is still looking to chase some tail, he is very unlikely to change for you unless something earth shattering happens. Sadly he probably won't treat you any better if he's done this for so long already. What you can do though, is to continue owning up to your insecurity, and continually working on that. That will only make you one step closer to being a stronger woman. He's not the lad for you.
coolheadal Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Sorry your going through what deems what he wants. But he shouldn't but you down like he's doing. No matter what that's abusive verbally. I can tell him that if he doesn't stop with the name calling your going to walk out of his life for good. You don't have to get breast job to make this guy accept you. He should want you as your are. Then if not then he's not the right man for you my dear. I never put down a woman because of her features not right. Sounds like there no love from him. Don't settle don't even thing about marriage to such ignorant fool, he should be ashamed in the ways of treating you like that. Just not right. Why do you put up with it! Stand-up and say enough is enough and get away and run from him!
Logo Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 He’s not the guy for you. He sounds crude and could use some training on how to be a gentleman. Until he gets that, you might want to find yourself a more refined and respectful man who doesn’t see women as objects. Consider giving him a pair of fake boobs in a box as a parting gift. 1
Author Katecopeland Posted October 17, 2018 Author Posted October 17, 2018 hahahaha love this thanks for the idea 1
olivetree Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 I think the lack of maturity and ogling other women would be deal breakers for me. Only you can decide if they are for you too. He's not likely to change at his age. It sounds like there's a reason he is 40 and dating a 23 yo. and it's not just because of your connection. Find someone that makes you feel sexy and beautiful and like you're the only one in the room. 1
basil67 Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 He's likely in the dating pool with young women because women his age wouldn't put up with his behaviour for a moment. They have already travelled the learning curve that you are now on. If you're seeking agreement that you should dump him, you have mine. 1
coolheadal Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 This girl loves this guy so I can see that much. She won't leave him now...
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 There is a reason women his own age don't want him, OP. Take a hint from them and drop him.
stillafool Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Drop him. As others have said there's a reason women close to his age won't date him. Find a hot 27 year old to rock your world and throw the old man back.
grays Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 My ex-h told me 13 years into our marriage that he’d always been afraid of my substantial ass. I was PISSED. Besides the fact that it’s insulting, I thought, wow, wouldn’t it have been great to have someone that was just crazy over me? And since my marriage ended I swear every single guy who’s been interested has been all about my ass. lol It feels really good to be with a man who dis your body. I will never spend time w a guy that makes me feel bad again. You shouldn’t, either. You have every right to be loved. This guy isn’t treating you like he does.
Simple Logic Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Stop this sillinesss and get a guy closer to your age.
smackie9 Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 You are 23 and should know better than this. He's been feeding you a bunch of crap....get out now.
smackie9 Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I I don't want to continually put myself in a relationship that adds to the awful feelings and undermines my self confidence in such a significant way. Then don't..breakup.
OnlyHonesty Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 There is a reason women his own age don't want him, OP. Take a hint from them and drop him. Not necessarily. Women of all ages are in abusive relationships, and many are just as old, if not older than the guy she's with.
losangelena Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Wow, he sounds gross. You have your entire life to live. Stop spending it with some immature man who's old enough to be your dad. You'll be so much happier if you do.
Logo Posted October 18, 2018 Posted October 18, 2018 I don't think his age or your age are the issue here. Generally speaking, people have different priorities at different stages in life. The assumption IS that someone in their early 20s isn't ready to settle down or have kids like someone in their late 30s or 40s. But there are exceptions and sometimes there is a strong romantic attraction and bond. The bottom line is I wouldn't discriminate based on age, but instead based on personality. There are very mature 23 year olds out there and there are very immature 40 year olds out there. Age won't always tell you if someone is a good fit for you, only personality will. I have heard young women in their early 20s say they prefer older men because they are more mature and are more experienced, mentally and sexually. And since they know what they want, those men are more stable and attractive than younger men in their early 20s. I have heard young women say that older men (30 and above) are creeps. To each their own. The problem here is that he's just not treating you well, the way you deserve to be treated.
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