Does age matter when dating?

[Eternal Sunshine]

My girlfriend and I are 20 years apart. She's 25 and I'm 45. Originally, I was the one that didn't want to get involved because of the age. I'm not wealthy. I'm nothing special. She's gorgeous. It's not about sex because for us, we connect big time intellectually and emotionally. Sexually, we are quite incompatible to be honest. My drive is much higher than hers. We are best friends and fantastic partners all around. Admittedly, I'm a bit immature for my age and do not look or act like I'm 45. She is quite the "old soul" and definitely is not the typical 25 year old and I think that's our formula. That and we were friends first. She chased me a bit and I hesitated for quite a while.

 

He just sounds like an immature guy with some insecurities that are taking over. There's also generational perception. He more than likely hasn't tried to get into anyone's pants in a few hours or if he did with someone his age, they'd shoot him down. Hence, the judgement. It's not you, it's him and he needs to get over himself. If you like the guy, push him and see what he does! Seriously, give him a push. Feed the ego a bit but push the issue. If there's charisma and chemistry, he'll work for it!

 

If not and he's too much of an insecure judgmental old poop, then move on.

 

Good luck!

 

 

This is word for word exactly what all men say. It's just what they use to justify the fact that the large part of attraction to someone is their youth. There is nothing actually wrong with that, but just say it like it is. I used the wrong words when I said "sex". I didn't mean the actual act of having sex, sex drives or sexual preferences. I meant sexual attraction that you have for her (due to her looks/age) is the ultimate driver of your relationship.

 

 

Few years back, a friend of mine who said this (his gf was 20 and he was 35). When I met her, she looked like a little girl and acted like one. He went on and on how she is really "mature for her age".

 

 

 

Anyway, I have never seen this situation end well for the older guy. The girl ends up getting bored and tires of the lifestyle that an older men has. Her life is just ramping up, she wants adventure, where the older men gets ready for retirement and can't keep up for long. The life stage mismatch between 25 and 45 is just too big.

Edited October 18, 2018 by Eternal Sunshine

[JuneL]

This is word for word exactly what all men say. It's just what they use to justify the fact that the large part of attraction to someone is their youth. There is nothing actually wrong with that, but just say it like it is. I used the wrong words when I said "sex". I didn't mean the actual act of having sex, sex drives or sexual preferences. I meant sexual attraction that you have for her (due to her looks/age) is the ultimate driver of your relationship.

 

 

Few years back, a friend of mine who said this (his gf was 20 and he was 35). When I met her, she looked like a little girl and acted like one. He went on and on how she is really "mature for her age".

 

 

 

Anyway, I have never seen this situation end well for the older guy. The girl ends up getting bored and tires of the lifestyle that an older men has. Her life is just ramping up, she wants adventure, where the older men gets ready for retirement and can't keep up for long. The life stage mismatch between 25 and 45 is just too big.

 

 

But most relationships don’t end well anyway. If they (older woman with a much younger guy; older man with a much younger woman) are attracted to each other, who are we to judge?

[Simple Logic]

So what do the 20 somethings see in the 40 somethings? They are more mature, financially established, and better in bed.

[smackie9]

Sounds like everyone has their own take on what age means to them. I dated older when I was a teenager because they were drinking age, had a job, a car and more experienced. Those were key motivators.

 

 

 

When I hit my mid 20's I was dating younger, because they were more fun, unpredictable, and not too serious.

 

 

 

Now that I'm in my 50's (if I was single today), I would still date younger for those reasons. I already have my house and financially stable, so would be open for some fun.

 

 

 

Like my momma said, when you get close to retirement, you are better off with gentleman friends rather than another husband lol.

[gaius]

Every relationship is different so you can't really make accurate assumptions just based on age. I'm in my mid 30's, Timshel is older than me but I pursued her relentlessly, I pay when we go out and in general set the pace of things. There is no cougar or boy toy going on, it's not just about sex, we have a pretty traditional relationship with the exception of the age difference. And it works.

 

I'm actually surprised I ended up finding someone I could be this honest and intimate with, that could occupy my heart so fully. And I'm really glad we didn't let a number stop us.

[JuneL]

Every relationship is different so you can't really make accurate assumptions just based on age. I'm in my mid 30's, Timshel is older than me but I pursued her relentlessly, I pay when we go out and in general set the pace of things. There is no cougar or boy toy going on, it's not just about sex, we have a pretty traditional relationship with the exception of the age difference. And it works.

 

I'm actually surprised I ended up finding someone I could be this honest and intimate with, that could occupy my heart so fully. And I'm really glad we didn't let a number stop us.

 

What age difference are we talking about here, if you don’t mind sharing?

A few years is nothing at your age.

[gaius]

What age difference are we talking about here, if you don’t mind sharing?

A few years is nothing at your age.

About 14-15

[dateme]

So what do the 20 somethings see in the 40 somethings? They are more mature, financially established, and better in bed.

 

So the sex is better with older guys?

[dateme]

So what is the issue with young guys? Specifics please.

[No_Go]

My friends date young women in their 20's all the time. I just won't do it. What do they have in common? Sex has to be the only thing for both. I just don't get it. Why would a young woman want a guy in his 40's.

 

People have different level of maturity. I have almost always dated older (18 year older, 7 years older and 14 years older are my LTRs, only one guy my age and this was the worst one) because ... I just can't stand the entertainment and social engagements young guys are into. I never partied, never had a glass of alcohol in my life, don't use social media except for work, never had interests in going out to clubs etc. Men in their 20s made no sense to me and vice versa, they though I'm 'boring' lol.

[No_Go]

So what is the issue with young guys? Specifics please.

 

- social media usage

- desire to go out all the time

- desire to stay late

- lack of desire for long term financial planning (retirement on track, properties)

- not sufficient self awareness

- too close with parents (sometimes even dependent )

- still planning location changes (e.g. want to move / travel excessively)

- haven't experienced enough to ups and downs in their lifetime

[dateme]

- social media usage

- desire to go out all the time

- desire to stay late

- lack of desire for long term financial planning (retirement on track, properties)

- not sufficient self awareness

- too close with parents (sometimes even dependent )

- still planning location changes (e.g. want to move / travel excessively)

- haven't experienced enough to ups and downs in their lifetime

 

Sounds like young guys are more like kids.

[nospam99]

- social media usage

- desire to go out all the time

- desire to stay late

- lack of desire for long term financial planning (retirement on track, properties)

- not sufficient self awareness

- too close with parents (sometimes even dependent )

- still planning location changes (e.g. want to move / travel excessively)

- haven't experienced enough to ups and downs in their lifetime

 

NG, having read a number of your posts, I am quite certain that you are an atypically objective and level-headed 'young woman' (where was 'a woman like you' 40 years ago? - oh well, the past). Based on other threads, 20-something women in general don't have your issues with their 20-something male companions.

[Sunlight72]

NG, having read a number of your posts, I am quite certain that you are an atypically objective and level-headed 'young woman'. Based on other threads, 20-something women in general don't have your issues with their 20-something male companions.

Well, 20-something women in general also don't date men 15 to 20 years older. This thread is asking why some women want to date older men.

 

Most women don't want to date significantly older men. Most men don't want to date significantly older women. Only some prefer it.

[beerdrinker]

This is word for word exactly what all men say. It's just what they use to justify the fact that the large part of attraction to someone is their youth. There is nothing actually wrong with that, but just say it like it is. I used the wrong words when I said "sex". I didn't mean the actual act of having sex, sex drives or sexual preferences. I meant sexual attraction that you have for her (due to her looks/age) is the ultimate driver of your relationship.

 

 

Few years back, a friend of mine who said this (his gf was 20 and he was 35). When I met her, she looked like a little girl and acted like one. He went on and on how she is really "mature for her age".

 

 

 

Anyway, I have never seen this situation end well for the older guy. The girl ends up getting bored and tires of the lifestyle that an older men has. Her life is just ramping up, she wants adventure, where the older men gets ready for retirement and can't keep up for long. The life stage mismatch between 25 and 45 is just too big.

 

Sorry for the late response here..... BUT you are correct in general. However, nothing about my girlfriend and I are general nor typical. Actually, my attraction to her is NOT because she's young. My history has always been with older woman. My wife of 15 years was 8 years older. In this particular instance, she chased me a bit because I had little interest at first until I got to know her. Only at that point did I even notice her beyond the person she is and felt attracted to her.

 

As for the mismatch, it's the other way for us. I'm the adventurous one that wants to go out and do things, travel, concerts, friends, etc.... She's the one that wants come home from work and relax. I'm in no way thinking of retirement... I'm only 45.... I own my business and take full advantage of the freedom that affords me.

 

I do agree with you on many points, in general. I've seen other guys my age chasing "young tail" only to find annoying young kids that want their money so the ego's get stroked until they get bored or find something shiny and move on.

 

I'm not naive or oblivious to the possibility that my relationship could have easily gone the other way. For whatever reason, it's the norm for my circumstance.

[TheFinalWord]

My friends date young women in their 20's all the time. I just won't do it. What do they have in common? Sex has to be the only thing for both. I just don't get it. Why would a young woman want a guy in his 40's.

It's not too difficult: hypergamy.

 

Physically attractive women = biological sign they can have healthy babies, likely to survive child birth

Socially/financially stable man = biological sign they can provide and protect babies

 

These are just biological, evolutionary sexual attraction drivers. They're not the end all be all, but they can spark initial attraction.

 

Of course, its just like men tend to be attracted to looks (an indication of the ability to have healthy babies), there has to be more there once the initial sexual attraction wears off (past the honeymoon stage). Same with women, once the interest in a stable guy that can protect and provide wears off (can provide for babies), can you deal with his personality? A lot of older men are unhealthy and that is something a young woman should pay attention to if they are thinking about dating an older guy. Does he care about his health, or does he just go to work, come home, watch TV and drink beer and have a huge gut. Probably not going to be that great in the long term. A 40 year old guy that doesn't care about his health can enter into his 50s with diabetes and all kinds of chronic diseases. In your 40s what you do to your body starts adding up. But an older guy that is healthy, often they are better looking and have greater confidence. When was the last time you saw a 20 or 30 year old guy winning sexiest man of the year? lol

 

Younger women that age tend to be fun too, probably don't have as much baggage from prior relationships. Some of them can be quite mature. But it like most dating relationships, they usually don't work out. Personally, I'd rather deal with an age barrier than baby mamma drama associated with most women in my age range.

Edited October 21, 2018 by TheFinalWord

[guest569]

Yes, but it does matter at that age.

Older women tend to end up looking after sick and ailing men.

Deliberately choosing an older man therefore does not make any sense to her, as older men will likely get sick quicker and life expectancy is longer for women anyway. She doesn't want to spend her last good years looking after a sick man. Fair enough if he is her long term husband, but not someone she just met.

 

This is why I'm dating younger men now. Or my own age (they'll out live me fo sho). It actually makes a lot more sense to date younger these days. My great grandmother outlived 2 husband's. And thought about a 3rd. I can't do that.

 

To answer the question. I would not want to date older men. When I was 26 I went on a date with a guy who was about 40 and it was kinda gross. Mainly cause he was an alcoholic nutter who lived with mummy. But the age gap made me feel ick. So I've never dated older since aside from a few months older. I've recently seen that now 45+ Yr old guy on tinder with his age 34.what bollocks. Nice try.

[brigit87]

This is why I'm dating younger men now. Or my own age (they'll out live me fo sho). It actually makes a lot more sense to date younger these days. My great grandmother outlived 2 husband's. And thought about a 3rd. I can't do that.

 

To answer the question. I would not want to date older men. When I was 26 I went on a date with a guy who was about 40 and it was kinda gross. Mainly cause he was an alcoholic nutter who lived with mummy. But the age gap made me feel ick. So I've never dated older since aside from a few months older. I've recently seen that now 45+ Yr old guy on tinder with his age 34.what bollocks. Nice try.

 

Dating someone your age is good because you're the same generation and remember all kinds of fun stuff from childhood. I'm Gen X and things like "The Breakfast Club" and VCR's and backpacking across Europe are all things my generation knows. Someone who is of another generation is almost like someone who has a different culture.

[AngryGromit]

My friends date young women in their 20's all the time. I just won't do it. What do they have in common? Sex has to be the only thing for both. I just don't get it. Why would a young woman want a guy in his 40's.

 

 

Sometimes is a culture thing. In many of the countries South America women almost always date older men, The idea is an older guy will be well established, have a good job, house, car, he will be able to provide for her. Give her a good stable life. It's not uncommon for a teenager girl to bring home a 30 something year old guy to meet her parents to take her to the prom. They would be like oh what a good job he has, you got a good catch, your should marry this guy. If she brought home someone her age, they be on her, he's a bum, doesn't have a job, still in school, do you want to struggle you whole life?! Dump this bum.

[Chilli]

why do women in their 40s go after guys in their 20s , the answers the same .

And why do they go for women or men in their 40s. the answers the same.

No rocket science needed.