Confenned Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 Long story short - he's ten years divorced, I'm two years divorced after an extremely traumatic series of events. No kids for me, one teen boy for him. Took it slow at first, when things finally started to amp up it was incredible. Best thing that's ever happened to me emotionally, physically, mentally. I am ok with who I am and see the relationship as a Plus, not as a Reason For Living. We're equally independent, healthy folks who just happened to be available at the right time and place. Problem is, the bedroom was super-hot at first (couldn't wait to get each other's clothes off) and now it's kinda fizzled. I'm still raring to go and he's kind of "meh". Everything else is superb - we mesh on just about every level. I'm just concerned that he's losing interest in the sex category, despite his protestations that he finds me sexy and desirable. He has absolutely NO problem making sure I'm satisfied, but satisfying him seems to get more and more difficult and I'm starting to feel self-conscious about my ability to please him as a result. He just had his 49th, so he's a little depressed about his age. Could that be causing a decline in libido? If so, anyone have any advice on how I can approach it in a way that doesn't make me sound like I'm complaining? My ex was a chronic alcoholic, so I was used to having NO sex for months, even years, at a time. Having a sex life is new to me, and I'm probably about 30 years behind where I "ought" to be in the sex ed department, lol. Any advice is most welcome! I really do love this man, and I want to make sure we're both happy.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2018 Posted October 16, 2018 men's libido starts to become iffy around the age of 50. you should take him to a good doctor so that he can talk about his situation. let him see the doctor alone unless he feels comfortable with you in the examination room.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Seems like your intuition is picking up that something is going on with him ... even though he's not owning up to it. Alpha makes a great point that he might need a medical checkup ... Lots of medications have sexual side effects. But ... I sense something else is going on ... you're not convinced he's told you what's going on ... So he's saying everything is fine ... but you're sensing he's not nearly as passionate ... Tip: your job isn't to worry about complaining or whether he will think you are complaining. In fact, that's not a good strategy this early in the relationship. If you tip-toe around him now, then you're setting a bad precedent for asking for what you want. Your job is to insist of dealing with problems in the relationship and insist on the relationship meeting your desires and needs. If he isn't open about this, then he isn't worth dating. I went through a very low libido period with my ex ... and she knew I had just gone on a medication ... She brought it up boldly ... directly ... I immediately knew she was right and went to the doc and said, look, this med is killing my sex drive. Doc changed meds and all was good again. If he can't handle this, then that's on him, not you ... But again, I sense you feel some kind of disinterest has emerged but that he won't talk about ... Same point: totally cool to raise that directly and if his answers don't satisfy you ... don't pretend they do. 2
Chilli Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Mines stronger than ever , my dad was still a nuisance chasing mum about in his late 70s. Hate to put it like this but he might've simple lost interest in you physically, that can happen pretty quick early in especially if other things aren't right. But it sounds more emotional to me , somethings on his mind so he doesn't feel like it as much. Happens with women too all the time . I'm guessing it's something like that.
Author Confenned Posted October 17, 2018 Author Posted October 17, 2018 I forgot to add, we've been dating for about a year and a half. It's been so long since I've been in the dating game, I don't know when/if it's "normal" for things to slow down. Everything else in the relationship seems to be going great, he's as affectionate and warm as ever. It just seems like the physical aspect of things that's dried up a bit. I don't know if that's how things always go, or if it's a sign that something is off. And I'm not sure how to approach the subject without making him feel bad.
elaine567 Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 10 years post divorce, what is his dating history like? Maybe at 18 months, he has itchy feet again...
coolheadal Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Long story short - he's ten years divorced, I'm two years divorced after an extremely traumatic series of events. No kids for me, one teen boy for him. Took it slow at first, when things finally started to amp up it was incredible. Best thing that's ever happened to me emotionally, physically, mentally. I am ok with who I am and see the relationship as a Plus, not as a Reason For Living. We're equally independent, healthy folks who just happened to be available at the right time and place. Problem is, the bedroom was super-hot at first (couldn't wait to get each other's clothes off) and now it's kinda fizzled. I'm still raring to go and he's kind of "meh". Everything else is superb - we mesh on just about every level. I'm just concerned that he's losing interest in the sex category, despite his protestations that he finds me sexy and desirable. He has absolutely NO problem making sure I'm satisfied, but satisfying him seems to get more and more difficult and I'm starting to feel self-conscious about my ability to please him as a result. He just had his 49th, so he's a little depressed about his age. Could that be causing a decline in libido? If so, anyone have any advice on how I can approach it in a way that doesn't make me sound like I'm complaining? My ex was a chronic alcoholic, so I was used to having NO sex for months, even years, at a time. Having a sex life is new to me, and I'm probably about 30 years behind where I "ought" to be in the sex ed department, lol. Any advice is most welcome! I really do love this man, and I want to make sure we're both happy. You two need to take it easy. 49th birthday we all get older and you loosing the fizzle. Your still attractive and single you can have anyone but you want this guy. Why make your life so complicated. Think what you want or find the best in him and then set force to that way you want with him. Sex or love you have both, try to manage and see higher outlook instead of fearing the worst possible scenario like your world is crowding in on you with him. It's not just he going through his ego period and you just giving up in your mind. Work with him try to talk things out that's the best advise here. I see you like, you care for him. Maybe even love the old goat (just a term/nickname) but in the jest of it all you two are making it happen!
Happy Lemming Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 men's libido starts to become iffy around the age of 50. you should take him to a good doctor so that he can talk about his situation. let him see the doctor alone unless he feels comfortable with you in the examination room. I'd like to second this post. After a man hits 30, his testosterone levels naturally decline with age. By 50, it becomes more difficult to "perform". There is nothing wrong with him or you, its just part of the aging process. As "alphamale" pointed out a doctor can check him and assist with this situation, if needed.
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Sounds to me he's got something lingering in the background in his mind that he isn't telling you. You can get assumptions, guesses, and suggestions as to what it could be from us, but that isn't going to help you.....you need to go to the source, and ask him. 1
RedHead5 Posted October 17, 2018 Posted October 17, 2018 Almost 50, could be testosterone as well. I would suggest a medical check-up like the others have mentioned to rule that out or medications. Also, 18 months is about the time some of the magic fades so that could be some of it too. It's hard not to take it personal and I always struggle with that point in a relationship. But, it's probably not you, it's him. Could be a combo of both. And more pressure will make it worse so tread lightly!
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